Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird sex thing with dh

120 replies

Newperson4 · 27/09/2023 21:51

We’ve been together 11 years, 2 young kids so things have been rocky past two years but I feel like we are in a better place at the moment. We have struggled in the past to feel close, make time for intimacy, midmatched sex drives etc (him>me)

Its been about 3 weeks since we were last intimate, we’ve had covid and felt shit but I’ve felt horny this week and I think he has. I’ve got my period atm but its almost over so regularly we would do it around this time as its not too messy.

I had a shower after kids were in bed and sent dh a nude bum picture from upstairs as a cheeky hint. He came up to see me and things progressed but not once but THREE times he aimed at the wrong hole and I had to stop him and say “thats my bum! no thanks!” he then rolled over and said “sorry can we just kiss and cuddle for a bit” to which I was a bit miffed. I don’t know if iabu but I wanted kind of a hot steamy quickie… I cba to lay kissing and cuddling. But whatever, thats what we did. After about 5mins I sensed he wasn’t enjoying the kissing as felt like kissing someone with their lips totally closed like I was forcing it on him so I stopped. He tells me “sorry its just gone” and said he’s no longer in the mood. Feels like he is just moody or embarrassed about the bum poking.

He went downstairs and I am left feeling frustrated and a bit embarrassed. Sounds silly but I feel like my confidence has been knocked.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Greenberg2 · 28/09/2023 06:11

givemeasunnyday · 28/09/2023 00:30

OP, why can't you just talk to him??

I really don't understand the women who address questions to random strangers on MN instead of talking to the person they should be discussing it with.

WTF are you doing on MN then? You could say this on practically every thread.

Sometimes talking to others and getting another viewpoint helps you to make sense of what you feel about a topic.

When sex is involved it can be a highly charged issue and not everyone finds talking about sex easy (including the OP's DH seemingly).

You might find better ways of approaching a subject from speaking to others first.

Zanatdy · 28/09/2023 06:15

Has he ever asked about anal sex? Is it something he wants to do but is shy about asking? Maybe he was a bit miffed as you clearly indicated that’s not something you wanted. Maybe a bit of a male pride dent. Or he genuinely misaimed 3 times and was feeling a bit sensitive and his male pride a bit bruised. Maybe speak to him today about it

ZebrasLoveLions · 28/09/2023 06:18

Newperson4 · 27/09/2023 22:01

In what world is a woman on her period a turn off? don’t be ridiculous.

Show quote history

In most people’s worlds.

Blood isn’t a turn on unless you’re a vampire.

MaggieBsBoat · 28/09/2023 06:48

theduchessofspork · 27/09/2023 22:15

For all the people saying they / their partners’ don’t like period sex, the OP has said they regularly have sex at the end of her period. So that isn’t the problem. (And neither is it all that unusual.)

The posters are responding to the op saying „In what world is a woman on her period a turn off? don’t be ridiculous.“ not to her having period sex. I’m quite sure no one gives a shit what’s normal for her.

This is the OP being ridiculous. Lots of people find it a turn off ffs.

OTM1982 · 28/09/2023 06:53

Oh for gods sake. Is it really so difficult for a group of women to understand that some couples love period sex, some do not. Some couples love anal, some do not.

There is nothing disgusting about sex on a period it's just a matter of preference and labelling it disgusting is juvenile. Same goes for every other aspect of sex.

Nothing, consensual, between two adults is disgusting. It's just taste.

I do think he was poking your arse on purpose and got the titty lip on when you wouldn't go for anal but on the other hand if someone couldn't be arsed to kiss me then I'd probably turn over too!

Greenberg2 · 28/09/2023 06:53

Zanatdy · 28/09/2023 06:15

Has he ever asked about anal sex? Is it something he wants to do but is shy about asking? Maybe he was a bit miffed as you clearly indicated that’s not something you wanted. Maybe a bit of a male pride dent. Or he genuinely misaimed 3 times and was feeling a bit sensitive and his male pride a bit bruised. Maybe speak to him today about it

Why should male pride be a thing? I'd put female autonomy (not being coerced into a sexual act you don't want) way above male pride.

Greenberg2 · 28/09/2023 06:57

if someone couldn't be arsed to kiss me then I'd probably turn over too!

From my understanding it was him that couldn't be arsed to kiss though by kissing her as if he had his lips closed like she was forcing it on him, so definitely sounded like he was the one not into sex except on his terms.

OTM1982 · 28/09/2023 07:01

Greenberg2 · 28/09/2023 06:57

if someone couldn't be arsed to kiss me then I'd probably turn over too!

From my understanding it was him that couldn't be arsed to kiss though by kissing her as if he had his lips closed like she was forcing it on him, so definitely sounded like he was the one not into sex except on his terms.

Yes, possibly because he knows she can't be arsed with all that! I don't know why she didn't just say 'look, dya fancy a quick shag' and take it from there because it doesn't sound to me like either of them were living a particular fantastic sex life on this occasion!

JAPSaye · 28/09/2023 07:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

aSofaNearYou · 28/09/2023 07:32

Totally with you on the kissing/cuddling thing. I have two kids and one of them could wake up any minute, no I don't want a long cuddling sesh where we might fall asleep having slow, sensual sex that never reaches a conclusion, I want a quicky and to go to sleep.

PeppermintMandy · 28/09/2023 07:47

PermanentTemporary · 27/09/2023 22:23

In an LTR you have bad sex sometimes. I'm not sure he was as horny as you tonight and that's unusual for you so it feels weird. Try not to stress about it.

This is by far the most sensible reply!!!

If you’ve gone 11 years without ever having a slightly embarrassing sex moment together you’re doing very well!

Please for the love of God ignore the hystericals who jump to the most sinister option of a serious anal porn addiction resulting in an anal sex attempt against your will 🙄 You know your husband.

I can’t believe so many people have never had sec where the aim has been off.

Damnloginpopup · 28/09/2023 07:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

That's me starting the day off with a chuckle, thanks 😁

LuckySantangelo35 · 28/09/2023 08:50

@Newperson4

maybe he’s not as cool with period sex as you thought?
no big deal

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 28/09/2023 10:17

FictionalCharacter · 28/09/2023 04:22

It isn't a guided missile! You could have used your hand to help him find your vagina,

He isn’t a 16 year old virgin, he’s her husband of 11 years, and presumably her vagina is where it’s always been.

😂😂😂

ManateeFair · 28/09/2023 10:31

squareyedannie · 27/09/2023 22:57

Just ask him if he wanted anal. Nothing wrong with it if you're both into it.

But she wasn't into it. She told him 'No thanks' three times.

There is some astonishing naivety on this thread. No, he wasn't put off by her period because having sex on the OP's period has been something they've happily been doing regularly for years; just because you don't like it that doesn't mean nobody else does. No, he wasn't 'just embarrassed about being clumsy' because a) he aimed three times for her arse and b) they've been together for 11 years and a clumsy moment is unlikely to put him off an invitation for sex. No, it isn't weird or daring to send your own husband a photo of your bum and no, a photo of your bum isn't code for 'come and shag me up the arse'.

The OP's husband wanted to have a go at anal and clearly has no idea that you can't just go in without prior discussion and preparation and (crucially) enthusiastic consent. He then sulked when he didn't get it and reacted by rejecting his wife's advances.

Frankly, most men would be fucking delighted at the chance of a 'steamy quickie', especially if their sex drive was typically higher than their partner's, and the OP's DH has been a complete twat about this.

ManateeFair · 28/09/2023 10:37

I can’t believe so many people have never had sec where the aim has been off

Of course I have, but the standard reaction to that (especially with someone you've been with for years) is 'Hang on - not there...' and a shift of position or directing them with your hand, at which the man reacts with 'Haha, oops'. It isn't to have two more attempts at the bumhole and then sulk.

squareyedannie · 28/09/2023 11:29

@ManateeFair I didn't say that she wanted it. I said, as a stand alone comment, there's nothing wrong if both want it .

PeppermintMandy · 28/09/2023 12:48

ManateeFair · 28/09/2023 10:37

I can’t believe so many people have never had sec where the aim has been off

Of course I have, but the standard reaction to that (especially with someone you've been with for years) is 'Hang on - not there...' and a shift of position or directing them with your hand, at which the man reacts with 'Haha, oops'. It isn't to have two more attempts at the bumhole and then sulk.

A sulk? You call asking for a kiss and a cuddle instead a sulk? You are framing it as two more “attempts” to suit the narrative you believe. Getting it wrong two or three times is not unusual.

Part of the problem here is something you said yourself…”Most men would be fucking delighted at the chance of a steamy quickie”. This stereotype is bullshit. Men aren’t constantly desperate for sex. Any sex, any time. However because it isn’t seen as “normal” or “manly” to say “sorry I’m really tired/stressed/have a sore head/not in the mood for any reason” then they give it a go anyway and their body often doesn’t cooperate when their mind/heart isn’t really in it.

Men (or anyone) who is interested in anal sex aren’t usually interested in a dry, unprepared arsehole. As you said yourself, pleasurable anal sex takes prep work.

Remember OP invited DH for sex, not the other way around. It would be such a weird time to go, fuck it I’m going to try and stick it in her arse when any sort of sex wasn’t even on his radar.

You don’t know OPs husband. She does. She said it was a clumsy mistake. Believe her.

& OP no you aren’t “wrong” for feeling rejected but you also haven’t been rejected. As I said above, men don’t want sex at the drop of a hat all the time. They are humans like us and sometime the timing isn’t right & it’s absolutely nothing to do with you. The fact he gave it a go when he probably wasn’t feeling like it shows he didn’t want to reject you and asking for a kiss and cuddle instead was obviously an attempt to soften the rejection which ultimately happened. He wasn’t feeling it. It’s not you, it’s him. It’s normal and completely fine.

TheMoreYouKnow · 30/12/2023 00:15

Seems like he's just trying it on. I'd be annoyed rather than embarrassed. Think back if you've discussed it in the past and told him that you wouldn't want anal and then you'll have your answer OP. I certainly wouldn't be waiting to see if he does it again!

Cmonluv · 30/12/2023 00:24

Newperson4 · 27/09/2023 22:01

In what world is a woman on her period a turn off? don’t be ridiculous.

Show quote history

Both my husband and my ex weren't keen on sex during my period. I quite like sex during my period but 🤷 some guys don't like the mess and are specifically a bit funny about blood. It doesn't have to be a big deal. I do think given you're asking about an awkward sexual encounter with your partner of 11 years you could be a bit more aware people like different things

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread