AIBU made to sit in the back of the car

[Concannon88]

So I've been seeing someone for about 8 months, I have a 12 year old daughter and he has a 9 year old son. On the weekend we had decided to go out to the beach for the day with the children for everyone to meet for the first time. I wanted to go in separate cars and meet at the beach but the bf wanted to pick me up and all go together. I have a massive vw and he has a smaller mazda. Anyway I agreed as I wasnt that fussed. So the day comes and he arrives outside my house and beeped his horn... 😏 so me and my daughter head out the house, hes stood at the boot fiddling around with something and his son is sat in the front of the car. For the first 2 or 3 minutes I thought he was going to tell his son to get in the back of the car, for me to sit in the front, so I didnt make any attempt to get in the back of the car. It hadn't even entered my head as a possibility that I would be sitting in the back, I mean I havent done that since I was about 17. My daughter then asked if we were going so he jumped in the car and it dawned on me about sitting in the back. Well I couldn't believe it, there was a dirty and sweaty football kit, squashed mcdonalds box and loads of broken crisps on the seat and foot well, so it's clearly where his son usually sits.

I'm partially deaf and I struggled to hear anything that was being said in the front of the car, I kept hearing them making jokes and laughing but couldn't join in and it was pretty crap for the 1 and 10 min journey.

I really thought I was the odd one for being a bit put out by it, but when 2 different mates asked how it had gone they were really perplexed and thought it rude that a grown up was sitting in the back. I'm not cross at the bf as he isnt horrible or rude, hes just a bit slow. I know it's his car and his rules regarding his son. I just dont want to ever sit in the back of the car again and have really bad crippling anxiety and hate confrontation and I'm just wondering if I should say something next time or insist I go in my own car or do people think it's fine?

@WombatChocolate

I think everyone should be considerate and respectful to everyone - I don't make any particular distinctions between adults and children. I think it's needs based.

I don't think an able bodied adult deserves a seat on the bus more than my children. It's different if it's someone less able to stand - I.e. elderly or with a disability.

Children are more comfortable than adults sitting on the floor (generally - of course there are exceptions) so I would generally not let my children sit on chairs when adults didn't have a seat at a friend's house.

I don't see any particular reason for an adult to automatically get the front seat in a car. I would though expect a child to take the "middle" back seat in a full car because it is generally smaller and children are generally smaller - as I say, needs based, but if the child was a 6ft teenager and the adult was a 5ft petite woman, I would expect the woman to take it.

Basically I don't think it's about pecking order but encouraging everyone to be thoughtful about everyone else.

I suppose in summary, I want my children to think about other people's needs and be considerate of them, I don't especially want to teach them that people who are older than them automatically deserve more "respect" than people younger than them. Because that's not something that I believe.

Unspoken etiquette rule of cars . Older seniors should sit in the front because there is more leg room . Kids should be in the back, as it’s safer .

I dont know if hed expect to sit in the front in my car, but I have picked him up in my car previously and told my daughter to jump in the back. I'm practically deaf, so I woildnt feel comfortable picking up a "guest" and them being excluded because I cant hear them that far away. Which is what happened to me in this situation. I also sat in the back on the way home. The day was fine for the people asking.

I agree.

And even now with adult children, when they come home for weekend, if we go out in the car and there are 3 or more travellers, the kids (even though bigger than me) go in the back.

If I ever had an adult visitor, I would always expect kids of child age to go in the back, even if they usually sit in the front. It’s not dissing them or disrespectful to them. It’s about treating visitors well and showing hospitality.

As a potential girlfriend, I really wouldn’t be impressed by being asked to sit in the back and amongst the rubbish whilst a child sat in the front. This blood certainly want selling himself as a charmer was he! And if this is his way of treating OP early on…we’ll, doesn’t bode well.