Friend took advantage of house sitting?

[Champgal]

I recently went away for a few weeks and a friend of mine and her partner stayed at the house to give my cat his daily medication he needs. Friend always likes to stay over as she lives in a small single bed flat with her partner and I live in a 3 bed house with garden so she says it’s like staying in a nice air bnb for a while. While it’s a nice favour that she looks after the cat, I returned to find that my car keys weren’t where I left them. I asked her about this and she said she used the car for a friend to give her some driving lessons in. This was never discusses and I also found the tank to be almost empty considering I left it with half a tank. I also found out from another friend that she hosted small get together a with friends. Though nothing was broken or got out of hand, I can’t help feel that it’s taking the piss a little. All my bath bombs I got in a set for my birthday were used and she had also forgot to take the recycling out for three weeks and the bin was overflowing, resulting in an awful smell when we came home. Should I say something? Or do I just ask someone else next time and not mention it? Or am I just being fussy and should I just be thankful for the help.

Massive pisstake

I'd be spewing. Me and OH flat sit for a few months a year for a friend, we like doing it for the same reason your friend does (central London penthouses apartment with a rooftop garden and Thames view, it's like being on holiday) but we understand it's not our place so we don't have people over and we maintain the place better than our own home

@Champgal
It sounds as though this person has provided this favor for you several times. Under the circumstance I would not mention anything but perhaps the car.

If you have strong feelings about what happened, and it appears that you do, I would suggest boarding with a veto your next vacation.

In your situation, as she would not accept payment, I would have been bringing back an extremely nice gift or a thank you card with a very generous gift card after each trip. Regardless of what she says, I would never consider staying in my very nice home to be adequate compensation for staying with and medicating a cat.

Absolutely out of order .

This!
I wouldn't have her to stay again.
Surely she doesn't leave stinking recycling in her own flat?
I can't understand why she wouldn't have had the courtesy to leave the place in the condition in which she found it. Massively lazy and disrespectful.
Also her comments that it was a like an A B n B would have annoyed me too ( not sure why)
But overall the car - luckily nothing happened but so much could have gone badly wrong. Even a bump would have got insurance involved and caused you problems and thats the minimum. Its a massive cheek and a risk.

Surprised at the comments are saying having a "get together" is not a big deal. Have some shame, it is a big deal. Respect people's property.

The OP is letting her stay there free no bill's for her to pay. She will probably have some of the food they have in. I wouldn't expect to be paid off a friend. I also wouldn't help myself to her personal belongings. What would have happened if police had stopped her for driving with no insurance? The OP's car would have been seized.

"she also enjoys staying in a bigger house with more facilities (bath, bbq, fire pit, pizza oven in garden, gaming stations ect) "

The above is a quote from OP.

Again I have not read the whole thread but I have read all the posts by OP. I just wonder whether OP emphasised all of the above to try to persuade the friend to do the "favour" of cat sitting and because the friend is very immature/young they decided that this selling of the job by OP was basically a blank cheque for the friend to do whatever they wanted. Not saying it is right by the friend but the above jumped out at me.

Is this for real? She really isn't "doing her a favour" out of the goodness of her heart. She's taking advantage of a situation for her own and her boyfriend's benefit. Several of us here do house sits etc for pals and it's mutually beneficial for us and our friends, which is fine, but it's not an "insisting" that we stay in their house to supposedly look after the cat while illegally using their car and stuff and failing to look after basics like taking the recycling out, inviting our mates round for a party and using up other people's birthday presents. I wouldn't trust that she'd medicated the cat, frankly.

So what did you say to him?

The car thing is out of order and illegal - what if they had an accident?? I’d make sure to tell her that isn’t appropriate and to lock away your car keys next time.

The other stuff is cheeky but she is doing you a favour so I wouldn’t be too annoyed.

I would be vey annoyed about the car. Apart from anything else, there are implications for your insurance - what if there's been an accident?

I, personally wouldn't use someone else's toiletries except in an emergency situation (eg had forgotten my toothpaste) and this would mightily pee me off.

The recycling is nasty - she must have to put out rubbish in her own home, so why not in yours?

I wouldn't mind the small get together TBH, as long as she didn't devour the contents of my freezer, break my cookery and glassware or leave a mess.

Has she behaved in this way before? If not, could it be her partner's influence? Is he/she comparatively new on the scene?

Some people are insured to drive other people's car's. My brother in law is. But the person who's car it is also has to have the insurance to be able to drive other people's car's. I'm not sure about taking anyone for a lesson though.

The bath bombs is a bit cheeky, but if they were left out I wouldn’t find it an issue. The guests if she was only there a few days/week would be a no but 3 weeks stay I think it’s fine of she had a couple of friends for dinner and she was supplying the food/drink. Not if it was more than that though. The recycling is unfortunate but I wouldn’t say anything.
The car though, that is whole other level. She’s not insured, both of you could have got in big trouble and that’s without an accident . I would not have her back.
Yes she’s doing you a favour, but it sounds to me like it’s mutual as she uses it as a sort of holiday home.

I would have been giving (the cat sitter) a very generous gift

Op bought her several bottles of wine. I would have thought that more than enough for the favour.

Why are people comparing this to a professional service anyway?

I baby sit for friends sometimes.

I don’t for a minute consider how much it saves them in hiring a qualified nanny or to be showered in gifts. We’re friends and I’m helping them out?

THE CAR is the Really CF bit. I think, if you let the rest go, which was probably not totally unreasonable, you MUST talk about the car, again. No Insurance is illegal and I think your friend needs to be made aware of that in no uncertain terms. Never mind what would happen if they had an accident while they were out in it.

Probably best, as others have said, is just not to ask her again: but if you do, you need to lock up anything you don't want her using ( like Bath bombs etc) and do not leave things like car-keys where she can find them

He doesn’t own a car. Why would he have car insurance?

Yes you’re right, I stand corrected. My main point is that on this occasion this was a criminal offence by the friend. Not a civil matter of who pays for damage. Friend and OP seem to think it’s just an issue of the financial implications to OP (repairs etc) if there had been an accident.

If you take someone for a lesson, regardless of who owns the car the driver - the learner - needs to be insured to drive that car.

@hihelenhi
Clearly, whatever the friend had been doing has been satisfactory enough for the OP to use her services multiple times. I would imagine that just in what OP has saved in boarding fees alone makes all but use of the car pale in comparison.

You couldn't pay me enough to medicate a cat that was not mine. Vets in our area charge more for boarding if they have to administer medication as part of the service.

The OP has been happy enough to accept the friends services with no compensation and now that it has been a tad bit costly (cost of bath bombs and possibly petrol) the OP is upset. Maybe you and your friends could offer to house sit and pet sit for the OP.

@Nanny0gg nothing, but he won’t be house sitting again that’s for sure!

Cat sitters prices start from £20 a day here for 1 half hour visit.

The get together is fine I think, although she should have asked you beforehand.
Using up all the bath bombs - this is thoughtless, but the car is the really terrible thing. What if they had been in an accident ? She wouldn’t be insured, which would mean if she injured someone else there would be no compensation for that person, does she not grasp this ? I would be really cross about the car. How did she have keys ?

She's a CF

The things she did would be a bit annoying, more then bin thing as they must have noticed a smell?

But the car things I'd be absolutely furious about. How the fuck would she know what would happen in the event of an accident in the car, she hasn't even got a license, her partner is obviously thick as well to think he would be insured if he hasn't even got insurance, you'd have no choice but to put in the claim that it was taken without consent, which would get them both in trouble, her probably more than him as she was the driver. Even if she got pulled over the car would have been seized and only an insured driver could get it back within a certain time limit.. what a pair of stupid people, it's just lucky nothing happened, have you checked it for scrapes/dents etc, especially if you've got alloy wheels?

I wouldn't have her back and I'd tell her the car as well as her entitled and shitty attitude towards your genuine concerns were the reason, I'd drop her as a friend immediately.

Why are so many people bringing up what OP ‘saved’ in boarding fees? OP has a neighbour who would’ve been happy to pop in to medicate the cat for free. It was the friend who insisted she housesit as it benefits her.

“I don’t need to pay my friend to look after the cat. I have a neighbour that says she can pop in and feed the cat for free each day and give him his meds but my friends insists on staying as she enjoys having more space and she also says it will be nicer for the cat to have company. I took her up and agreed”

So this friend was not her only option. I’m pretty sure her neighbour wouldn’t have taken her car for a spin or had people over either. It’s one thing inviting an individual or even a couple over for dinner but if she has a group of people over it means she basically had strangers wandering around OPs house, imagine if anything had went missing.

And according to what I’ve heard and this website if https://www.housesittersuk.co.uk/sitter-faqs#:~:text=The%20most%20common%20form%20of,or%20more%20jobs%20to%20do.

the most common arrangement for pet setting is no money is exchanged but the sitter gets to live rent /bill free in the persons house. So it’s not out of the ordinary the fact her ‘friend’ isn’t get paid.