Friend took advantage of house sitting?

[Champgal]

I recently went away for a few weeks and a friend of mine and her partner stayed at the house to give my cat his daily medication he needs. Friend always likes to stay over as she lives in a small single bed flat with her partner and I live in a 3 bed house with garden so she says it’s like staying in a nice air bnb for a while. While it’s a nice favour that she looks after the cat, I returned to find that my car keys weren’t where I left them. I asked her about this and she said she used the car for a friend to give her some driving lessons in. This was never discusses and I also found the tank to be almost empty considering I left it with half a tank. I also found out from another friend that she hosted small get together a with friends. Though nothing was broken or got out of hand, I can’t help feel that it’s taking the piss a little. All my bath bombs I got in a set for my birthday were used and she had also forgot to take the recycling out for three weeks and the bin was overflowing, resulting in an awful smell when we came home. Should I say something? Or do I just ask someone else next time and not mention it? Or am I just being fussy and should I just be thankful for the help.

I seriously think you need to revisit the conversation about the car - except it shouldn't be a conversation it should be you clearly stating why what she did was illegal, unethical and entirely irresponsible. Make clear that this isn't up for discussion, those are the facts and you won't be allowing her to use your home again.

Bollox she would and more cheeky fuckery. If she has any intention of EVER using your car again I would not be talking to her ever.

I’m not sure your friend would have been insured to give driving lessons in your car to her friend. She herself would possibly be insured to drive your car third party with your permission.
Meaning her insurance would only pay for the damage to the other vehicle, not yours. She could have written off your car and you wouldn’t get it paid back.

I don’t think legally your friend was insured to give driving lessons using your car.

They could have killed someone in your car and wouldn’t have been insured. Even if it wasn’t their fault and a child ran out in front of them.
Seriously irresponsible from your friend and I’d question my friendship with this person.

Do they really not know how risky this was?

She assured me that if anything happened she would cover all costs and I could tell that she felt it was no big deal and shrugged it off

Quite apart from the illegality that's easy to say isn't it?
Not so easy though if something had happened and the shrugging and airy-fairy "Ooooo it wasn't my fault/I didn't know" carries on

Overall I agree with those saying she doesn't care for you anything like as much as you do for her, so I'd beaar this in mind in future - and also accept the neighbour's offer to look after the cat instead

I don't think the "friend" is thick. I think she's a user who takes advantage & knows OP has low self-esteem and will struggle to say anything or set boundaries. It's pretty clear that she "insisted" on staying aka demanded to, and certainly not for the cat. I really do despise people like this.

The car is the only really bad things here. You say you're more pissed off at her partner, when I was 17 I got my learners licence first thing I did was was bring my mum down to AXA to pay for her to put me on the insurance so that I could then drive us home in her car. I knew then, your friend should know now.

Rest I don't find that bad, recycling is the worst very lazy. Bath bombs very inconsiderate especially since she used them all. Small gathering, I am assuming these are adults who behaved as regular adults do and had a get together.

Sounds like she's met the man of her dreams.

They broke the law with the car. I wouldn't care about friends coming over - she isn't an unruly teen. The bath bombs is cheeky.

The car needs to be mentioned. I would have strong words about that!

You seem rather keen to let her off the hook. So what if she didn't know about car insurance.

She still used your car without permission,
used up you petrol, ditto
used up your birthday bath bombs (did she not know stealing is bad?)
and left your bin in a stinky mess.

That's a bit more than cluelessness.

In future, I'd gratefully accept my neighbour's kind offer. I would not allow this cheeky fucker not-really-a-friend free run of my home again.

"Should I say something?"
Yes! I wouldn't have been able to stop myself. You've already raised the driving your car with her - and she essentially just pooh-poohed you. Minimised it and downplayed it to the max. Like hell would she have paid for repairs and hired you a car whilst it was in the garage! That is the words of someone who has zero knowledge of how much cars cost. She'd have blanched at the £££ and started muttering about YOUR insurance must cover it surely?

I'd be stating quite bluntly that she has broken your trust of her, and that you couldn't possibly have her in charge of your home again as you'd spend the whole trip worrying about what she was doing with it.

I only hope that she hasn't taken a copy of your keys. I might just quietly change the barrel to be sure - £20-30 well spent.

"Or do I just ask someone else next time and not mention it? Or am I just being fussy and should I just be thankful for the help."
No you are NOT being fussy! Nor should you be 'thankful' that she abused your trust in this way, you should be bloody furious, particularly with her dismissiveness over your car. Definitely ask your neighbour next time, and definitely let CF not-a-friend know that she fucked-up big time and she won't get the privilege of abusing your home again.

And please keep it in mind - you were doing her a far bigger favour than she was doing you. Far bigger.

Are they 12?
Surely any fully grown adult wouldn't need this explaining

OP didn’t allow it. She didn’t know that the friend was going to take the car.

The "gathering" and using the bath bombs do show lack of boundaries/respect.
I certainly wouldn't use a friends toiletries, unless it was bog standard shower gel and I didn't have mine.. but I'd surely ask first, if not possible I'd go without. I'd never touch an obvious gift/treat/luxury item.

There is no point now in "what if's" about the car, it's too late. As others have mentioned, if the car got seized for her driving without insurance, it may have been crushed before you got home. But it didn't.
However if any tickets arrive in the next few weeks for speeding, lights or bus lane infringements you'll probably have no choice but to report her for taking without consent. Do not under any circumstance suck up any points or fines on the cheeky mare's behalf.

Not sure if she really is that thick, or was taking advantage by feigning innocence but he needs more than driving lessons if she thinks any of the car-use-situation is OK!

Haven't read all posts, but have read all the OP's.

So friend would 'cover all costs if there was an accident'. Hmm. She needs to live more in the real world.

I was almost arrested for driving without insurance. Honest mistake (complicated, but I failed to renew due to falling between two insurance companies.) My blood ran cold. Supposing I had been in an accident where someone had sustained long term injuries? I could have been liable for literally MILLIONS of £££.

It was an extremely expensive mistake, but I was sooo thankful to have been caught before something serious happened. (My lovely insurance brokers reassured the unmarked car driver who stopped me, and told him that I had an insurance record going back decades, and so they knew it was a genuine mistake. Still a stupid one.)

Your friend is obviously incredibly naive, and just needs the facts of life explaining to her. I agree that her partner needs a complete bollocking. Probably not worth losing a friendship over - I would give her another chance but with strict house rules. No parties, no using your car, and empty the sodding bins!

Op you’re so sensible and I do agree it’s not worth losing a friendship over and I disagree with people that she should never stay there again BUT personally even I feel like shaking her and saying‘do you not get it? You can’t bloody take someone else’s car!!!!’ And the bathbomb thing is insane- you don’t use other people’s toiletries/little luxuries!!! Best of luck on it op( I’m no help sorry!!)

I think the having friends round is appalling, actually. It doesn't matter that they're not teens who're likely to trash the place!
You don't entertain friends and play Queen of the Castle in someone else's property without their knowledge.

How long have you been back? I’d actually be more concerned you’ll suddenly receive speeding/parking tickets if they’re this clueless. I don’t think any of it’s acceptable, even the gathering she should’ve asked first.

But I would let it go, someone like that wouldn’t understand if you said something, but never give her unsupervised access to your house or car again.

I agree with you and another PP. It’s really disrespectful and illegal (re the car) behaviour from her on all counts, or at least if she discusses it with you beforehand.

The people who came over for the get together, supposing anything went missing? Apart from the bath bombs.

I don’t think OP had to spell anything out to her friend in advance, the friend should know as a friend what to use and not to use and what’s piss taking behaviour and what’s not. Friend could have quite easily have WhatsApped OP about all the things in the post to check that they were ok but didn’t. So proves she was going to go ahead and is possibly jealous of OP.

I’d seriously dial back the friendship OP or consider ending it as your friend doesn’t seem to care about all this.

So, not only was she driving without insurance which would have meant the car being seized had the police stopped her, but she'd also committed TWOC - taking without owners consent which is a massive deal. Her CF'ery is off the scale.

Exactly! Suppose the friends made excessive noise and pissed off the neighbours, damaged the property or stole something whilst in the property.

She is one veey very CF

I'd still stay friends but she would NEVER housesit for me ever again

If she ever asks I'd just say....oh I've made other plans....no point explaining as she just wouldn't get it., and she would try to convince you why she should be allowed to housesit

Not read the whole thread but OP is this friend much younger than you / very young (i..e late teens or early 20s)?
It sounds like the kind of thing a teenager would do. Or she has genuinely looked at the charge out rate of professional cat sitters and decided in her head that you are getting a bargain out of her staying.
In terms of your second post listing the things about your property which make it attractive have you pointed all these things out to her in a way to try to persuade her? If yes she probably got the wrong idea about how much you wanted her to help you out in this way.

The get-together on it's own wouldn't
be that big deal - if she lives there, she can meet people, like she would at home.
However, the bin means she didn't live there like at home, at home she would take the bins out.

The car is clearly the worst. I'm thinking now, whether the lessons are cover up for just letting her BF to use it, but no matter how it happened, taking the car is just too much, starting from trust and ending with insurance.

Her bf and she knew exactly what they were doing- they just didn’t care.
It’s obvious if the car (or your house/belongings) were damaged they wouldn’t be paying a penny.

People like that are childish- nothing is ever their fault.

Remain friends if you want but be aware that your friend is a taker with no respect for you.
You were taken advantage of by both of them and they didn’t simply care about the consequences.