Page 6 | To want a baby with new partner at 41?

RampantIvy · 27/09/2023 18:44

What is it with so many women that as soon as they get a new partner they have to procreate with them? Why does all common sense go out of the window?

QueenofTerrasen · 27/09/2023 18:56

Good god no. Way too soon, your DC have been through enough with the DV. Recipe for disaster I'm afraid.

HerMammy · 27/09/2023 19:25

2 children but was so traumatised after the dv that I didn’t think I’d be able to ever have another relationship but I have the most wonderful boyfriend
I think you have rose tinted specs on here, only a year and he's involved heavily in you and your kids lives.
Concentrate on giving your DC a stable secure life, not adding a man, his child and a baby to the mix.
Have a bf but put your kids first.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/09/2023 07:42

It's hard to tell if he'll be nice and supportive until you do live with him. Has he supported you through other things eg have you had surgery or bad illness or anything else that he's had to make sacrifices for or shown that he can put you first?

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 28/09/2023 07:50

Whyisitallsocomplicated · 26/09/2023 20:49

I have 2 children (age 7 and 11) and they’re amazing. They don’t see their dad (court ordered due to domestic violence)
I always knew that I wanted more than 2 children but was so traumatised after the dv that I didn’t think I’d be able to ever have another relationship but I have the most wonderful boyfriend and it’s something I think I would like to do…
He has a son the same age as my youngest but due to medical issues with his ex she could only have 1 child but he says he always wanted more than 1 child.I’ve brought my kids up all by myself and I would love to experience parenting with a supportive partner. AIBU to think I’m 41 I might not be able to conceive anyway should we just go for it?!

I'd say no. Your poor kids have already been through a lot. Do you really want them to have to watch a sibling grow up with everything they can't have (a loving involved father, a trauma-free childhood)?

You already have three children in the mix who have experienced at least one ACE. Focus on them.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 28/09/2023 08:43

Tellmeifimwrong · 27/09/2023 14:15

I'm always puzzled by the viewpoint that existing dc would suffer if a new sibling comes into the picture. I'm a single mum to 2 dc who have been saying for a few years that they'd love another sibling!

Because they're KIDS and have not the faintest idea what they're on about.

And there is a difference between another child magically appearing and joining your family unit, and creating a blended family (my cousin did the former actually, single mum to 2 and wanted another but didn't want a man so got herself pregnant by a man she knew would not end up featuring in the kid's life - there's many ways one could consider that but at least all the kids were on an equal footing).

In the situation the OP describes, two kids who have grown up in DV and then lost their all contact with their father (which, even though it is for the best, is still another trauma) get to watch their mum have another baby, their sibling, but this time that baby gets to live with both its parents, experience no DV, essentially have the perfect life they were denied - right in front of them. And their mum gets to have the motherhood she wanted but didn't get with them. You really don't think that would be painful?

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 28/09/2023 08:45

Freezingcoldinseptember · 27/09/2023 14:23

When I was pregnant with my last dc my dd's age 8 and 9 were keen to learn to make cups of tea. So they could help when I was sat breastfeeding the new dc! Hardly the actions of neglected and pushed out of place dc? They are 17 and 18 now and every day show that dc how loved he is.

Were your children traumatised DV victims who never saw their father?

Tellmeifimwrong · 28/09/2023 09:42

In the situation the OP describes, two kids who have grown up in DV and then lost their all contact with their father (which, even though it is for the best, is still another trauma) get to watch their mum have another baby, their sibling, but this time that baby gets to live with both its parents, experience no DV, essentially have the perfect life they were denied - right in front of them. And their mum gets to have the motherhood she wanted but didn't get with them. You really don't think that would be painful?

This is very well put.