To not sign friends petition about school fees ?

[Whereforartthoudave]

Or more to the point tell her why I’m not?

friend grp - 3 families out of 9 send their kids to private school. One dad has decided to start a petition re Private schools losing their charity status - as in it’s not fair if they do. His DW has sent it round this morning.

Stupidly rather than just ignore it - when she said will you sign, I said, sorry no - Private schools are businesses not charities so I agree with the proposed change.

Now she wants to know WHY exactly.

YANBU - ignore it and don’t get into a bun fight over private versus state school. I’m not judging their choices but I don’t think the schools should have tax breaks.

YABU - tell her why. The why being I don’t agree with private schools at all, but her money her choice. And think it’s laughable that they have charity status when the majority ( and this is backed up by actual stats) do virtually nothing to earn it.

I'm with you OP and I think you should share your opinion considering she's asked for it.

I think it's really crass of the wife to send it to friends with kids at state schools! Can't imagine why this couple thinks you'd care about the petition. Speak your mind politely if you like- you've been asked why so it's fine to say.

I'd just say "I'm not getting into this with you. You chose private school, I chose state. Neither of us owe the other any justification. I'm not signing the petition because I don't have the same opinion on this as you. I suspect you don't want to know what I actually think - possibly you just want to argue against each point I would make. I'm not the source of your frustration here, so channel all that into your petition, good luck"

You've already explained. Private schools are not charities as in providing an education to those in need or for the improvement of anyone anymore. They're businesses

This is the perfect reply

I agree with you. I wouldn't sign such a petition either.
As to whether you tell her exactly why. Tell her you have already told her husband why you disagree.
If you wants you go into further detail you can, but I don't think she really wants you to she just wants to challenge you

Yanbu. But I would simply refuse to discuss it, if the friendship was important to me. I think that this is one of those topics which is a ‘agree to disagree’ and never discuss it again thing which can permanently break any relationship/friendship if discussed.

I don't think any good can come of telling her.

I agree with PP that she's probably looking for an opportunity to persuade. And you need a polite way to deflect. Suggestions by @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz are good.

Or just express surprise that they're more bothered by the ending of charitable status (estimated value £200 per pupil per term, not affecting all schools) than they are by the possibility of VAT on fees (which is unrelated to charitable status) and could add 20% overnight.

I have children at a private school and agree it is crass of her to send it to you. As tonpushing you on the point— well that also marks her out as being crass.

However private schools losing charitable status might not have the intended effect. It will potentially make it unaffordable for the less wealthy families and necessitate the creation of more state school places, which there is no funding for. Some schools may even close with the same effect plus job losses. The very wealthy will probably remain unaffected. So I agree in principle with what you are saying but I'm not sure this will be positive in practice. Would really need to see good data on the impact.

Agree that’s very crass of her! She must know how divisive this is too. Perfect reply from @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

She asked why. Tell her why. Buying educational privilege is unethical.

Either very thoughtless or antagonistic of her to send to friends who have their kids in state schools though. Best not to get into an argument with a friend. Just say no not signing, let's respect difference of opinion and agree to disagree on this and then shut it down quickly.

She asked your opinion so share it. I don’t care if people want to spend their money on private school but they shouldn’t be classed as charities. They are businesses.

I completely agree with your point of view, but I wouldn't bother getting into a discussion. Maybe just say something about having very different views and move on. They shouldn't have brought the petition round. They obviously don't have lessons in tact in private schools!

Everyone with their kids at private school are wealthy. I have my kids at private school. The cost of sending them there MAKES me wealthy. Yes some wealthy people have to scrape the fees together. Yes some wealthy people rely on wealthy family paying, but they are still wealthy.

She shouldn't have sent it to you. My dc are state schooled, and I would have been seriously pissed off if a friend did this to me - I do have friends who privately educated. I do however think all education facilites should maintain charity status as a matter of principle. When we think of private, we think of the Etons and Reptons of this world, where kids wear Rolexes and are helicoptered around. Most private education is in fact somewhere in between.

Maybe an incentive for those parents now back in the state sector to work with other parents to improve it rather than jumping ship and going private. The only time understand that decision is when a child has SEND that aren't being provided for in the state sector and parents are hitting barrier after barrier trying to get a decent education for them.

There are a few, very few, truly charitable private schools. I believe these should keep their charitable status, but your average private school does the bare minimum to be able to tick that box - for example, a local one here is around £25k a year. They offer a few 50% bursaries in order to keep it - yet £12.5k is still out of reach for the vast majority. I think being able to claim charity status should be much stricter, such as minimum of 25% of places fully funded in order to protect the ones that do deserve it.

What a pointless petition. Even if every person directly effected signed it, how many people would that be? So entitled and tone deaf. It’s highly unlikely that those not using private schools would sign it. We did use private for a while and wouldn’t have even signed it!

You owe her no explanation.

You've already told her why! "Private schools are not charities but businesses so I agree with the proposed changes", what more does she want you to say?!

I would say something along the lines of "look, I value our friendship too much to get into a big debate with you about this, but our views on private education don't really align and I'm afraid I can't support your petition. Can we just agree to disagree on this matter, and leave it at that?"

You said no. I would have said the same. You don't owe her an explanation. I might have sent my children to private school if I could have afforded it at the time. But I still wouldn't have thought they merited charitable status.

I thought the point of a petition was so the powers that be could see exactly how many people really care about the issue the petition is about.

If you don't care (cos your kids are in state school) of course you shouldn't sign. You'd be artificially inflating the signature figures

I would probably just say you don't think they should have charitable status and leave it at that. Or just keep saying im not signing it surely she isn't that tone deaf and will eventually click you don't agree that they are not charities.