Group of school mums.

[Hiwelcome]

There is one group of school mums who have children in my daughters reception class. Every drop off and pick up they stand in a circle chatting away and seem very involved in the school, seem to know everybody and everybody’s children. I’ve noticed they are quite hostile towards me though and have started giving me ‘dirty looks’. I have never spoken to them but do smile and this morning one of them gave me the evils back. I know I shouldn’t care but it’s annoying me as this is every morning and I’m just trying to go about my day and drop my daughter off to school but it’s bothering me.

There are lots of these threads and I don’t relate to them at all. Maybe we’ve just been lucky but there’s none of this at our school. There are parents who know each other and parents who don’t - which is completely normal. Most people work so drop off and pick up are pretty brief, plus there’s a range of people doing it - mums, dads, grandparents, childminders, nannies. It’s just never occurred to me to look to make best friends though my child’s school.

I can only think this must be what happens when people don’t work and have nothing else to do.

Nope, these women are just chatting with friends.

They're not responsible for the sexist pricks here using language like 'Coven', 'Queen Bees' and 'Mummy Mafia'.

No don’t be silly. What they could choose to do is to see someone standing alone, who doesn’t know anyone, and be kind by talking to them and including them. Or at least smile and say a couple of words.

So they can get accused of being a Queen Bee, flitting around the playground, trying to make themselves popular with everyone?

Women can't win on Mumsnet.

No don’t be silly. What they could choose to do is to see someone standing alone, who doesn’t know anyone, and be kind by talking to them and including them. Or at least smile and say a couple of words.

Why is there this expectation though? Why are school gates supposed to be this happy clappy place where everyone is best mates? If I go to a pub, karaoke or a "spa day" with a group of friends, and there is another woman on her own, is there the expectation that the group has to be "kind" and include this person in their group? Of course there isn't.

This is part of the problem, some women have this belief that school pick up is a social event, that everyone should be friendly and welcoming and that not being spoken to is offensive and rude. Whereas others see school pick up as a functional thing, like going to the dentist or picking up a prescription. Yes I'd chat to a friend in the dentist's waiting room if I happened to bump into her, but wouldn't get the hump if the other families waiting to see the dentist were unknown to me and weren't "kind" enough to talk.

Do you do that at work, if you’re chatting with a colleague in the kitchen and someone you don’t know comes in? Do you include them in your conversation?

Why does the expectation to do that just apply to school mums?

Absolutely agree @Stroopwaffels how long are people hanging around in the playground to be so insulted and hyperaware of everyone else's actions! It's a 10 min job tops.

There is the (admittedly remote and extreme) possibility that their focus at 8am on a weekday morning is occupied by their kids and/or job, and that chatting to people they already know is a by-product of their morning routine. I know it sounds outlandish.

I cannot believe the sheer arrogance of the posters here to gaslight the OP and imply she is lying or making it up.

Were you fucking there? She saw what she saw. She knows how it made her feel.

Christ, is it to hard to imagine that groups of women can be vicious cunts? Look at the state of the comment section on Mumsnet!

Yes, because I am not a rude bastard.

Saying 'Hiya, you ok?' literally takes a fucking second.

I would if they were new and looking lost or awkward 😉

You sounded a bit of a “rude bastard” in your previous comment, to be fair.

Calling people out for being arseholes isnt rude. The swearing....perhaps. I have not yet had coffee. I know not to swear in a work kitchen at least :)

@Rosejasmine I would if they were new and looking lost or awkward 😉

Not really comparable though. OP is not 1 single new person going into an established environment. Everyone’s kids started about 3 weeks ago.

Calling women dropping their kids off at school and having a chat to people they know ‘vicious cunts’ for not actively making overtures of friendship towards someone who isn’t actively making overtures of friendship towards them is definitely a bit rude.

The point is, we’re all different, extroverts, introverts at the school gate or at work - just like kids in the playground. People can make choices about how to behave when someone else is struggling.
Of course they don’t have to include somebody, but a kind word and acknowledgment doesn’t cost anything does it?

Sounds like you are over thinking it. Go and introduce yourself and say hi.

Pot calling kettle, come in kettle...
With that diatribe and calling people 'cunts' presume you see yourself as one? 😆

A bit of a different perspective here. When my youngest DS was in nursery I didn't speak to anybody at the gate, always on my own (I'm a friendly, outgoing gal but wasn't in a good place mentally) One of the mums came up to me and said you don't have to stand there on your own and we started chatting. I'm so glad she did as she's been one of my closest friends for over 20yrs now.

That isnt what I said, but pop off.

Yes, I absolutely can be one!

I literally enter the school premises at 8:39, hand my kid off to his teacher and walk away. Along the way I exchange a few smiles if I my eye caught anyone. Plus I haven't got the time, I have to be at my desk by 9.

Perhaps stop staring at them in the first place?
These threads are comedy gold.

Quite amazed at number of posters who have seemingly never been on the receiving end of bitchy attitude from relative strangers. I'm afraid it does happen, usually because the person's high opinion of themselves is bolstered by having a low opinion of other women not in their circle.
An extreme example of this is the lower eschelons of celebrity women. I can remember sitting down at a table at an event where I knew a couple of people. One woman didn't know me (she was there due to her long term affair with a well-known producer) and she repeatedly asked me 'Who ARE you?'. She didn't mean my name. Or my job. I gave her both in a friendly way. She continued. She meant who did I know/was I related to. She was extremely unfriendly and bitchy. She was an adult. She didnt know me. Queen Bees at school gates are a minor version of this.
Find it quite patronising to say the OP imagines the hostility.
To the OP. Either kill with kindness and say good morning loudly while charging past. Or completely ignore.

In that exact scenario, actually, OP, when they gave a horrid look after you'd smiled, I would now (at the grand old age of 42 and not caring) say, 'Oh dear, bad day?' to let them know their face was noted.