To think I’d be able to work with a newborn?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I think I’m probably going to get shot down here but hoping someone who’s experienced in this can help.

I’m self-employed and due to have a baby at the end of November/beginning of December. Luckily, December is a very quiet time for me and so taking that time off isn’t a huge issue. However, I’d likely need to return to doing some work from mid Jan - so around 6 weeks off work in total.

This isn’t for financial reasons as such as we have some savings to cover us for maternity, but more due to the nature of my work that I wouldn’t be able to let my clients down during a really busy period. I’d likely lose a lot of clients and struggle to rebuild if I took too much time off. I love my job and my clients too! I did look at getting some kind of admin support to cover but I’d still need to work some hours in the business myself each week.

And no we didn’t plan the timings very well, I know, but conception was difficult for us. Would I be able to do at least a couple of hours work a day while baby naps etc? DH is a very hands on, helpful partner and is supportive of my choices whatever they may be. He works full time and will be returning to work mid Jan as he’s taking holiday/Christmas/paternity combined.

Any advice from someone who’s done it? Or am I just totally mad to consider it?

YABU - you won’t be able to work with a baby (if not, please tell me when you think it would be realistic to go back to work)

YANBU - you’d have some time to work each week

I'd suggest combi feeding if this is the route you want to take so DH can do some feeds while you work, this would help you get stuff done on your own

You will be fine . I know lots of people here will tell you they can’t have a shower or have a cup of tea , but I’ve had such a hard baby , partner back to work a week after and 2 kids , ones with special needs and I would have been able to work 2 hours . Specially if you can work flexible times

But she is clearly talking about not putting the baby in childcare. In the UK, it is very hard to find childcare for a baby of this age - so your experience isn't terribly helpful.

My first baby? Not a hope in hell

In fact, it was so rough I have a seven year age gap

Second baby was the most adaptable and chilled little soul and I did many things that I'd have rubbished as impossible with my first

However - second baby is a cute but demonic little two year old now and I can't get anything done, whereas her brother was a gift from 18m+

Mines never slept so I wouldn’t of been able to do it.

My then boss returned to work three months after having twins and with a three year old. She looked like the living dead, but that was also due to the lack of support from her DH - now ex.

Depends on the baby really and what your job entails. My now 6 month old didn’t want to be put down for the first 12 weeks but he was quite happy on my chest in a sling so I think i probably could’ve done some kind of desk/computer role with baby in the sling if I’d needed to. Even now at 6 months old, I usually get at least 2 hours free time a day (3 hours on a good day) when he’s napping so I do some small bits of work.

If you have any grandparents nearby,try to see if they could give a couple of hours each two days a week or similar.

My friends and family made stodgy but nutritious frozen meals for us so that every day we could just get something out and microwave it. Genius.

If this is what you're planning to do and want to do it can be done but prep now because sleep and straight thinking are a rare commodity once baby arrives:

• preplan food you both like and make it and freeze it, invest in a deep chest freezer of needs be. Check your OH knows how to microwave meals safely (I mean I'd hope but..) because he'll be on chef duty for a while
• buy pre-made formula bottles from SMA or the like with tears shaped for newborns and have a few packs in stock so OH can do feeds as well as you if you need to sleep and miss a BF (if you choose to/can BF), mixed feeds saved my life the first few weeks and probably my child's too
• find a sling surgery and ask for advice so OH can practice putting on a sling and wearing baby while he works from home, goes for a walk etc. Babies can and do sadly suffocate in slings that aren't fitted correctly but when they are and you're confident using them they're an absolute blessing, my OH worked from home and wore baby for a few months this way to give me a break. Think some surgeries do online consultations if you've not got one near you look for them on Facebook etc too.
• chat with OH when you're not stressed about what it will look like realistically, when will he be able to take baby and when will he need to give them back and why etc, just so that there's no nasty surprises.
• I also agree that if he could take his paternity at a different later time that would be better, honestly he's going to get lovely cuddles but there's not much to do except make tea and wash up the first couple of months until their heads start lifting/moving and they start laughing.
• final one is the hardest if it's your first child but seriously sleep when they sleep if this is how you want to use your energy, that baby looks beautiful and I know you want to stare at them while they sleep but you will also be staring at them as you feed them all night. Nap when they nap or try to as much as you possibly can.

Good luck and congratulations - a job you love is great to have in your life to show your child x

To be fair, that's going to depend on OP's area. In some places, it is harder but it isn't in my area. I viewed several nurseries that were from 6 weeks and several more that were from 12 weeks and that's not counting any childminders or nannies that were from 6 weeks or 12 weeks because we decided to go with a nursery.

My DC started nursery at 12 weeks.

I found that when I had a baby they loved contact naps and so did I. So I’m glad that I wasn’t trying to work as it would have added stress to just enjoying my newborn cuddles!

but: everyone is different, including babies! You can’t guarantee anything - what if you get a colicky baby for instance. I echo PPs that you should rethink having December off together and plan for January that your partner is off and able to take over if you need to work a few hours here and there.

Beyond that I would look at getting some kind of childcare, a nanny may suit you where they could watch baby and put dinner on etc. while you work.

People with businesses do it, but it will be a lot easier with a maternity nurse or at least a nursing asst. Can you swing that?

These threads come round quite often, it's usually 80% saying no way can you do this... Maybe that's the case but I did it. I had a family business I did the marketing for and I took marketing contracts when my baby was 4 months. I worked about 16 hours a week across 7 days. I found it pretty straight forward to be honest. Just worked when my son slept in the day. I was tired many days, but I would just work less if it had been a bad night. I didn't have many meetings so it didn't matter what I looked like etc.

I take your point - in some places it is possible. But, as you say, it was not common to find placements from 6 weeks, so I think my point stands.

There's a world of difference between trying to do a job with a newborn, and doing a job while your newborn is in a nursery/with a childminder.

I did this. I had six weeks off with both my babies then went back to work BUT

1 exceptionally easy babies who slept through from 6 weeks.
2 I worked at home and continued to breast feed
3 I had a brilliant full time nanny
4 I had a very supportive hands on DH

I look back now and think I was MAD! But it seemed to work well at the time and i Now have two lovely grown up dc who probably don’t even know that’s what I did.

Not quite the same but I went back to college when my eldest was 10 weeks. My step mum was back at work full time with one of my brothers after 3 months, my mum went back around 4 months with me and my sister out of necessity and this was long before WFH would of been an option to either of them.

It won’t be easy and 6 weeks is very much still in the thick of it of adjusting to parenting, but sometimes needs must.

12 weeks was definitely the most common age but more from 6 weeks than I expected.

Oh yeah, absolutely. I WFH 99% of the time and there's a reason DC went to nursery when I went back to work. He slept 12 hours at night and was easy for a 12 week old but childcare was a must.

I did a couple of hours a day. It does totally depend on your baby, the support you have and discipline too.

As others have mentioned, it would be handy to outsource as many tasks as possible.

Good luck and enjoy!

No! Are you having a laugh! Forget the newborn stage. They gr...
Yes you can absolutely do it.

Definitely depends on the baby, we've had one we definitely couldn't have worked with and another we maybe could have.

The more easy going child spent his first five months on one of us in a stretchy wrap, so that could be a way to facilitate it. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

Another big hurdle for me is the fact my ‘work’ isn’t really respected properly by my husband, or another else for that matter. I currently make more than my husband. It’s not actually his fault but is just majorly starting to grate on me

Isn't it?

I had two weeks mat leave as self employed and the cost of living went insane from when we tried for baby in June and him coming in March. Been looking after baby all day then working evenings as husband takes over, we have a 3 year old as well. Have I managed it yes, has it almost killed my mental health and marriage also yes. Go forward with caution.

i have also had a lot of illness in that time probably from stress and just recovered from pneumonia , of course whilst still looking after baby and working as we have no support network

So yeah its possible but I wish id never done it

Depends on what kind of baby you get. At 8 months I was still only getting 45mins sleep most nights due to silent reflux. I couldn't have physically done my job on that little sleep. I could barely function but at least we could co-sleep for naps during the day.

Others in my ante-natal group could have easily gone back to work at 6/8 weeks, the ones with chill babies.

I was doing some work from 2 weeks post partum. I am self employed but have employees, only self set deadlines and no clients to work around.
my first baby was an epic feeder and exclusively breast fed but with one hand free I could use my laptop while she fed. So that was probably well over two hours a day. I got her in a routine very quickly and she had a solid two hour nap after lunch every single day until she was just over two so I found it was pretty doable. Dh was very hands on too. I work in a relaxed, creative industry so I’m between feeds and naps I took her with me and managed my staff with her on my hip.
it’s a lot lot harder when you have a toddler and a second baby but again, routine is a massive help. Knowing when feeds/naps are going to be Happening means you can make the most of these moments of calm. And if they have a decent bedtime you’ll have evenings too. Mine went to bed at 7pm from very early on (got them up for an 11pm feed when young) so every evening was my own too. I found 3-6 months an absolute breeze work wise - baby in well established routine, no food prep cos breast feeding and not weaned, not crawling so stay where you put them! But it’s only a short window, make the most of it.

I have several American friends and family that have been back to work after 6 wks and have wfh and yes most did do day care but some couldn't afford it. Dad's typically (state depending and benefits) get 1- 2 wks off unless they have an enhanced package offered. Most paternity leave is unpaid. Some states allow women to claim disability for an additional 6 wks pp but conditions need to met to do so. So yes they have 12 wks and more off depending on their circumstances.

I have a nearly 4m old and have been wfh where I can. I haven't been running my full business but I have been keeping up to date with my admin and will be working nearly f/t come Dec as that is a peak period for me and completely my choice to do.

I'm not saying it's easy, it isn't. But there are natural lulls in the day with a newborn and I say this having an older dc as well. Newborns sleep most of the day. Yep, it's definitely broken up but you can get things done. I found that I was often held prisoner under baby while a contact nap was happening that was 2 hrs of prime time to get my emails and calls sorted. When I do night feeds I can read emails or get an action plan in place for the morning etc.

I have no family around only H and he works f/t. He would come home do dinner, clean and help with the baby. We make it work for us.

If your business and livelihood depend on it, you find away.