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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’d be able to work with a newborn?

349 replies

Pipiscoming2023 · 24/09/2023 20:19

I think I’m probably going to get shot down here but hoping someone who’s experienced in this can help.

I’m self-employed and due to have a baby at the end of November/beginning of December. Luckily, December is a very quiet time for me and so taking that time off isn’t a huge issue. However, I’d likely need to return to doing some work from mid Jan - so around 6 weeks off work in total.

This isn’t for financial reasons as such as we have some savings to cover us for maternity, but more due to the nature of my work that I wouldn’t be able to let my clients down during a really busy period. I’d likely lose a lot of clients and struggle to rebuild if I took too much time off. I love my job and my clients too! I did look at getting some kind of admin support to cover but I’d still need to work some hours in the business myself each week.

And no we didn’t plan the timings very well, I know, but conception was difficult for us. Would I be able to do at least a couple of hours work a day while baby naps etc? DH is a very hands on, helpful partner and is supportive of my choices whatever they may be. He works full time and will be returning to work mid Jan as he’s taking holiday/Christmas/paternity combined.

Any advice from someone who’s done it? Or am I just totally mad to consider it?

YABU - you won’t be able to work with a baby (if not, please tell me when you think it would be realistic to go back to work)

YANBU - you’d have some time to work each week

OP posts:
Grumpy101 · 24/09/2023 21:52

Where I live now (not the UK anymore), women only get 6 weeks mat leave by law. It's not the end of the world, you get a nanny and go to work. No, you will not be able to work without proper childcare in place. Babies are hard work, you'll be sleep deprived, you can't dip in and out when he naps or something. It's only doable if you get a nanny and you can plan for a certain number of hours a day of uninterrupted work.

confusedmum2023 · 24/09/2023 21:53

It could be done but as people have said depends on what your baby is like. They could be a very content baby or one that cries and rarely sleeps. It all really boils down to how you feel too as things change.
The only thing I can say is we struggled to conceive and took us many years (may be a factor in how I’ve felt since), my work was my life, any waking minute I had was spent on it because I loved it. That has seriously changed since I had my baby. Work is solely work to live now, I took a year out and initially returned part time. Whilst pregnant I wanted to go back after 3 months because I couldn’t imagine not being at my work, didn’t want to let people down and was so passionate about my job that I honestly couldn’t see me going without it. I no longer have the same motivation I once had because all I want to do is enjoy time with my family whilst I can. You may find that even with all the best intentions simply sitting staring at your baby as they do the latest most beautiful thing might be all you are capable of!

FusionChefGeoff · 24/09/2023 21:55

Completely depends on what type of baby you get.

DS - not a chance, struggled to feed, hated being out down, I was a mess

DD - dream baby, not a peep, fed regularly and easily, shame I had toddler DS by then as life was far from peaceful!

CinemaCrazy · 24/09/2023 21:55

You may get time during the day but I know I had terrible brain fog due to lack
of sleep.

Rewis · 24/09/2023 21:59

I'll echo the others. Depends what you do. If it's a client sending an order and you doing it within your own schedule, then sure. If it's something you need to be available withing minutes of client contacting you. Then no

Fedupwithitx · 24/09/2023 21:59

I did this. It wasn't really planned but like you due to the nature of my job it was unavoidable. I made it known I was only available WFH, I also let people know if I missed calls etc id call back when convenient for me. This took the pressure off always being available IYSWIM.
During the newborn phase it was OK as DC slept so much, but i did sort of feel very torn between ensuring my work was done and proving I could be as productive at home / being 100% available for my baby. This made me feel very stretched physically and emotionally tbh. I was very very tired and often ended up completing work at night. If you go ahead with it be kind to yourself your only human.
The best advice I could give is try hard to get a regular nap routine going (when baby is old enough) appropriate wake windows etc. my toddler is still a fantastic napper and I still WFH now. Like when they were little I get the bulk of my work done during nap time.
I can only speak of my experience though ,as others have said every baby is different. I'll admit my baby was very chill and I don't think I'd do it all over again either, which says a lot.

Helpwhatwouldyoudonext · 24/09/2023 22:00

Yes, if you don't have to have face to face meetings or work to other people's schedules, it's totally doable. I did.
Plus, there are many, many people who have a newborn when they already have a toddler / kids / parents to care for - they manage this, to feed and shop and school run, don't they?

KylieKangaroo · 24/09/2023 22:00

I did it with my second, went back after 8 weeks but I was working from home and my husband was there. It was hard as when I wanted to nap I had to get my work done. I have no client calls or anything like that though so it was manageable just very tiring.

stayathomer · 24/09/2023 22:02

Unless your baby has issues you will have time, and it is possible, but consider that your mind will be in a whole different place and your quality of work will not be the same- even forgetting about sleep your body will just have been through a big thing, as will your mind. As a writer, I tried to scrabble for time, I wrote a story for a book of short stories and months later I read it and didn’t even recognise it as mine!!

Viviennemary · 24/09/2023 22:06

Get a nanny and it will be fine.

HamstersAreMyLife · 24/09/2023 22:08

Could you get a night nanny or a short term day nanny? I think even with a baby that sleeps well this would be hard, my oldest only woke once a night and had a regular nap 7 to 9 but I was still exhausted and felt battered, I couldn't have worked. My youngest didn't nap at all (he still detests sleep). Could dad take some unpaid leave? It's not just the time and exhaustion, we have a large house and the baby crying elsewhere still would have distracted me. I think if you're super focused and don't mind interruptions and sporadic working then with at home childcare either paid or from dad you will be fine.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 24/09/2023 22:08

You will be able to do emails and easy written stuff as baby sleeps a lot. Much easier with new born than with 3month plus year old. Scheduling meetings will be much harder unless you have a back up carer and back up way of feeding if you're breastfeeding

minipie · 24/09/2023 22:09

Not a snowball in hell here. DD was a terrible sleeper and was EBF, I was a zombie.

As your DH is employed and you are self employed it seems most sensible that he takes a much longer paternity leave ie shared parental leave, and becomes the main care giver for those weeks, and you go back to work without trying to juggle it with newborn care.

Gemstar3 · 24/09/2023 22:10

Totally agree it depends on your birth, your baby and your work, and I would plan to have a mother’s help and a cleaner, and have a fully stocked freezer of batch cooked meals.

Another thing to factor in, which I was completely unaware of beforehand, is the constant appointments afterwards - midwives, health visitors, doctors appointments both for me and baby, follow-up consultations at hospital. A lot of the time these were unannounced and someone would just knock on the door, or if I was lucky text 30 mins before, meaning there’s no way I could have been working. Or I’d be given an appointment in the middle of the day that I couldn’t change and the walk there/back would take 3x as long to stop to feed/change etc plus there would often be an hour’s delay, so it felt like the whole day was spent attending this one appointment. I remember telling a friend it felt like my full time job had become attending medical appointments.

I had a particularly bad birth and had the full range of crap issues like mastitis, thrush etc from feeding, and my baby had reflux, so maybe I was a bit unlucky, but do factor in that some time might be spent on this aftercare. This was the biggest shock for me, as someone who was physically fit and healthy pre-pregnancy, I took a very long time (and seemingly three million appointments) to physically and mentally recover.

Fixyourself · 24/09/2023 22:11

I'm self employed and didn't take mat leave with my 3rd child. It's completely doable especially when they are really small.
I work online, I wouldn't be able to a job where I was talking to people or had to be on at certain times though.
I had to be flexible and work in the evenings/weekends. And I used a sling often and stood up at the computer.

Rufffles · 24/09/2023 22:11

I'd say there's no way of knowing in advance the extent to which you'll be able to do this. Too much in the way of variables (what's the baby like / how much sleep are you all getting / how are you physically after the birth / will your priorities be the same once the baby arrives). You won't know about any of these in advance.

JoinInBetty · 24/09/2023 22:11

They are clients who should understand what maternity leave means.

pitterypattery00 · 24/09/2023 22:14

It really depends on what your baby is like in terms of naps and feeds, how well you can function on little sleep, and how much support you have. For me, the first 6 months were very tough and there's no way I could have done any work (feeding issues, couldn't be put down for a nap til 6 months, hated carrycot of pram, no family support other than my partner...) Things were much easier from 6 months onwards but it probably took me til 9 months to recover from the first 6 months!

kittenseverywhere · 24/09/2023 22:15

As others have said, it depends on your baby. I thought I could do this with my firstborn but no, definitely didn't work that way. I wouldn't count on it working out but you can decide when you see how your baby is.

Oioicaptain · 24/09/2023 22:15

Yes it is possible once your baby has reached 6 weeks. The 3-6 month period was quite easy for me and I did have time to go on the computer etc. But then it all went tits up when he started moving, rolling and then crawling. Once you hit that stage you are sort of screwed. You will almost certainly find it harder than you anticipate and your routine will change fairly frequently. At times it will be feasible. At other times it will be tough. It's not linear so it doesn't just get easier as they get older.

radiantorange · 24/09/2023 22:15

it does depend on lots of things, yes. But it is possible and I had a really positive experience. We took shared parental leave and my husbands employer luckily paid full pay. He took 12 weeks off work and we had the first almost 6 weeks together as a fam then when my boy was 5 weeks and 4 days old I went back to work for 6 weeks. Working from home, about 4-6 hours a day. I did 12 projects in that time that I had all lined up with my brilliant clients. I breastfed throughout and my husband would then take our boy out for a walk or coffee. Then, after 12 weeks off, my husband went back to work and I was fully off for 3 months. At 6 months old he started nursery 2 days a week. I can honestly look back and say I felt happy, healthy and strong. It wasn’t about the money for me either. It was for my mental health. I’d gone from self employed workaholic to having a baby. I just needed to do it and it worked out fine.

Deathbyfluffy · 24/09/2023 22:17

DNAwrangler · 24/09/2023 20:23

Depends on lots of factors . The main one is how much support you’ll truly get from your partner. If, say, he’s home at 5 pm and willing to properly take one until 7 pm, no problem. Few men actually do this, no matter what they promise.

Nonsense, most dads would have no problem having their kids for a few hours in the evening.
Perhaps you just pick the minority who won’t…

TrailingLoellia · 24/09/2023 22:18

2hrs a day is definitely do-able from 6weeks post birth so long as you and baby are healthy and recovering well.

Even if the baby doesn’t really nap, you could

  • hire a teen babysitter in afternoon for 2hrs/day
  • work 2hrs in the evening while DH has the baby or
  • get up early and do 2hrs work before DH goes to work

I worked on a uni degree with a newborn and got more than 2hrs a day of studying done. I’d hand baby off to DH when he got in from work and went to night class. In the day, I’d study and write with baby either napping or attached to my boob. Got very good at one handed typing!

Ilikeyourdecor · 24/09/2023 22:20

I know someone who worked for a few hours a day. They managed it because they
A) had an amazing sleeping baby who could just be put into their cot awake and nap happily. In my experience that's very lucky!
B) recovered easily from birth
C) bottle fed so she wasn't tied to the baby as much
D) had a husband who did a lot
E) had a job that could be done whenever she could grab some free time.

I couldn't have done it myself.

NancyMaloni · 24/09/2023 22:20

It was my plan but it didn’t work, however I was able to get a new qualification while my ds was tiny. No problem reading and writing while holding a baby. My studies had a flexible schedule, however keeping to client’s deadlines and attending numerous meetings was not possible.

As other said, get all the help you can afford, at home and with a business.

My business took a real hit but it’s getting better now. I am delighted that I had this wonderful time with my child. It’s not easy at all but it’s very precious and they are only tiny once. Good luck!

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