WIBU to take this much from DD’s benefits?

[BlueLines81]

My DD is 19 and has a disability, she is not able to work and won’t be able to for the foreseeable. She receives PIP.

As she’s no longer in education, I was not entitled to claim benefits for her from the end of august this year. My tax credits went down quite considerably, and lost CB too, and all of my housing benefit. All together I am about £190 per week worse off. Which isn’t great as I am a single parent and also have a health condition (I receive low rate mobility PIP), and I had to give my job up in July as I couldn’t manage it anymore, so that’s another £1000ish per month down.

I am self employed and doing bits and pieces where I can, to give you an idea I’ve managed about 12 hours of work this month.

I did an online calculator in august and it looked like I would be better off on UC, and also needed to start a UC claim for DD, so I claimed for us both on the same day. We had an appointment at the jobcentre for DD’s claim a couple of weeks ago, and the advisor suggested that I become her appointee and I could have her UC paid into my account, if we felt DD didn’t have the capacity to manage it herself. I asked DD what she thought and she said she’d rather it was paid into my account. I am getting fit notes for both of us from the doctor and and hopefully we will both be entitled to the LCWRA elements.

The idea of being an adult and having to pay bills terrifies DD, mentally she is more like a 12 year old in a lot of ways. I have spoken to her about it and said the options are that either we work out exactly what her share of rent and bills etc would be and she just gives me the money for those, and she can arrange her own food shopping etc, and pay for herself if she wants to come on holidays etc. Or I keep the amount that I’ve lost in benefits for her, she can have whatever is leftover (which I think will still mean she’s better off than she is now with just her PIP). And then she can carry on essentially being a child for as long as she wants (I don’t mean this negatively, she regularly gets very tearful that she’s not a child anymore). She liked the sound of that option better. She just doesn’t want to have to think about finances at all.

But AIBU to take this much money from her? I don’t know the exact figures of what I’ll have lost until we get our first UC statements in a few days, but will probably be at least £150 per week. I know this a lot more than a lot of people take from adult children, which is why I feel bad, but then maybe they have a partner or are just financially in a better situation than I am. Realistically she’s going to be living at home for many more years to come.

I think it’s understandable for people to be confused as to how your dd manages to socialise but can’t manage anything else for an hour.

Both my DD’s get PIP (17 and 19) I am full time carer for the 17 year old so I have no choice but to take some of the money to pay bills. Eldest gets most of hers (I pay to her a weekly amount) she’s at uni but if she had all her PIP she would blow it on cuddly toys (like she does with her uni loan), I use what’s left of her PIP to pay for her phone, Netflix, doing her washing and buying her clothes when she needs them, she would happily not buy clothes. A small amount goes to the the household bills as she has a room here that she spends almost half the year living in. My dd chose for me to be her appointee but often moans at me and accuses me of spending her money.

No, have you? Don’t even know what “GB news” is so have a word with yourself 🤣

I'm sorry WHAT?

She has been budgeting for TWO YEARS and you have just decided to be her appointee for no reason other than it was suggested to you?

This is what I was getting at in my earlier posts. You don't need to be her appointee and it's actually holding her back for you to do so, particularly after this update!

Let her have her bloody money and make a standing order for her to pay you whatever towards her keep.

I stand by what I said, I don't want my loved ones dying because someone who has been learning to drive for two years cannot understand how a roundabout works or could potentially fall asleep at the wheel. OP says she is sleeping for 18 hours a day.....what If she gets stuck in traffic? Could she safely drive herself home hours after she intended to be there?
Driving takes intense concentration and quick reflexes. Not something people with chronic fatigue tend to possess.

@Booksandwine80 right ok, you do keep banging on about your relative and that’s a very sad situation for them. But do you think that because they are not entitled to benefits, no one with a disability should get them either? Because that’s how you’re coming across. As you know yourself, disability benefits are very difficult to get and require a lot of evidence, so you can rest assured that DD gets the money because she’s entitled to it, not because I’m pulling a fast one on her behalf.

I agree with that others have said - it doesn’t sound like she should be driving. Would be better for her to focus her energies on something else

Your nastiness won't improve your relative's situation, @Booksandwine80

The enhanced rate of PIP mobility or higher rate DLA mobility doesn’t in itself entitle the claimant to free driving lessons. They have to apply to join the motability scheme and once they have a car on order they can then benefit from 40 hours of free driving lessons provided under the scheme, including familiarisation with any adaptations they may need.

Speak to Macmillan benefits team in your local area or the National helpline. Both will be able to give advice and point you to someone able to help with appeals. I used to do this job.

I think it’s really sad that someone with cancer finds themselves in dire straits like that. Of course it’s going to be difficult to read that others have the luxury of cars, hobbies, socialising and presents.

@Booksandwine80

so because she can go on Etsy and learn to drive she can’t be disabled and shouldn’t get benefits? Disabled people don’t get a free car or free lessons, the money comes out of the mobility part of their PIP, it’s not easy to get PIP at all, you need a lot of medical evidence from professionals. I have reported your posts as they are just nasty.

They have tried, there is nothing

I think op said she skipped the interview and assessment as it was during the pandemic.

I have to say, if shes competent enough to drive, she should have her own money. She clearly has capacity. You controlling it for her is infantilising.

What would be better would be for you to ensure she gets the right sort of bank account set up, set up DDs or standing orders and support her to manage her money herself. Of course some of her income should be used to pay for her living costs wherever she is living. Is it just the 2 of you living at home and do you rent? If so, then the joint living costs should be split 50/50.

She has been driving for TWO years and don’t understand how a roundabout works. She is mentally like a 12-year old and gets so tired she can’t work. I would NOT want to meet her on the roads, maybe you would. And no, I do not think this should be allowed. And yes, I think £1000 is a lot when you are staying at home having your own etsy shop.

I think PIP needs seriously looking at to be honest.

In @Booksandwine80 · defence, it can be incredibly difficult to see someone living what could be deemed to be an easy life when they know someone who has essentially been told that they’re not entitled to anything.

It’s not the OP’s DD’s fault, it’s the system, but her response is not dissimilar to responses on those threads where people earning 50k plus come on to rant about how hard they find things and those on 20k tell them that they don’t realise how easy they have it.

Her response is emotive because we’re talking disability benefits, but the similarity is there.

It is just sick that a hidden/hard to prove disability can get benefits yet someone with radiotherapy burns, mobility issues and chronic fatigue is just told “oh well, that’s just how it is”

Not necessarily. If she gets higher rate mobility there are clearly severe problems getting around so if she doesn’t pass a test, she can nominate someone else as the driver to use the car for her benefit. Lots of motability clients don’t drive themselves but still benefit from the provision of a car.

Agreed. the long term side effects of cancer treatment can be horrendous and debilitating.

The problem is that PIP doesn’t look at the disability itself, but at how it affects the daily life of the claimant. It’s a very harsh assessment for all people with disabilities - hidden or otherwise.

OP, you say that driving isn’t going to be an issue because she’s not going to pass. But what if she does? What then?

This isn’t about taking someone down to the local field and letting them drive a car around it to let them have a feel of how it is (been there, done that,) it’s about giving someone who you say has the mental capacity of a twelve year old the potential of having a car, being out on the roads, and tbh if the DVLA are permitting people with such difficulties permission to learn to drive that needs to be looked into. Not because disabled people shouldn’t have permission to drive where possible, but because once you set out on the road in a car, what you want becomes secondary to what is safe for the people around you.

Right now she’s driving in a car with an instructor so it’s all controlled. But if she does pass her test, (and you only have to look at some of the drivers on the roads to know that it is possible,) then she will be out in a car, alone, with the potential to become exhausted in the middle of the motorway.

If the DVLA aren’t going to look at this responsibly, then you really should be.

She isn't going to pass her test if she doesn't understand roundabouts. Panic over!

Can you get a mobility car when only awarded low rate mobility? I didn't know that. That would be useful.