WIBU to take this much from DD’s benefits?

[BlueLines81]

My DD is 19 and has a disability, she is not able to work and won’t be able to for the foreseeable. She receives PIP.

As she’s no longer in education, I was not entitled to claim benefits for her from the end of august this year. My tax credits went down quite considerably, and lost CB too, and all of my housing benefit. All together I am about £190 per week worse off. Which isn’t great as I am a single parent and also have a health condition (I receive low rate mobility PIP), and I had to give my job up in July as I couldn’t manage it anymore, so that’s another £1000ish per month down.

I am self employed and doing bits and pieces where I can, to give you an idea I’ve managed about 12 hours of work this month.

I did an online calculator in august and it looked like I would be better off on UC, and also needed to start a UC claim for DD, so I claimed for us both on the same day. We had an appointment at the jobcentre for DD’s claim a couple of weeks ago, and the advisor suggested that I become her appointee and I could have her UC paid into my account, if we felt DD didn’t have the capacity to manage it herself. I asked DD what she thought and she said she’d rather it was paid into my account. I am getting fit notes for both of us from the doctor and and hopefully we will both be entitled to the LCWRA elements.

The idea of being an adult and having to pay bills terrifies DD, mentally she is more like a 12 year old in a lot of ways. I have spoken to her about it and said the options are that either we work out exactly what her share of rent and bills etc would be and she just gives me the money for those, and she can arrange her own food shopping etc, and pay for herself if she wants to come on holidays etc. Or I keep the amount that I’ve lost in benefits for her, she can have whatever is leftover (which I think will still mean she’s better off than she is now with just her PIP). And then she can carry on essentially being a child for as long as she wants (I don’t mean this negatively, she regularly gets very tearful that she’s not a child anymore). She liked the sound of that option better. She just doesn’t want to have to think about finances at all.

But AIBU to take this much money from her? I don’t know the exact figures of what I’ll have lost until we get our first UC statements in a few days, but will probably be at least £150 per week. I know this a lot more than a lot of people take from adult children, which is why I feel bad, but then maybe they have a partner or are just financially in a better situation than I am. Realistically she’s going to be living at home for many more years to come.

You didn’t say there wasn’t an interview, you said she wasn’t assessed at all. Which is what I was correcting.

I can't speak for the OP but it's very common for people to have specific learning difficulties - a spikey profile that will mean they may excel in some areas and have severe deficits in others.

A friend's dc has just sailed through through their A-levels but has the communication and understanding of a 10 year old due to a specific language disorder. It doesn't affect their intelligence, they just need support to learn in a different way.

There are all sorts of conditions. It's perfectly possible that someone is capable of driving but not capable of managing money/dealing with numbers.

The OP is doing fine navigating what’s best for her daughter, in what are challenging circumstances, the full details of which we can’t possibly know. If her daughter is learning to drive then we can assume her condition will have been reported to DVLA and that they are satisfied she is safe to drive - as evidenced by the issue of a provisional licence. The decision to go for a motability car is a good one - the fact that she has an enhanced award means she has significant difficulty in getting around so even if she doesn’t pass a test she can nominate someone to drive her and use the car for her benefit, which is a much better use of the allowance as it won’t go as far used for taxis etc.

This.

@Willyoujustbequiet

The thread has moved since I posted the comment you responded to but we were not talking 'spiky' - OP said her DD lacked capacity and she as mentally similar to a 12 year old.

It's actually irrelevant now anyway as it turns out the DD has been managing her own money for 2 years whilst making, sourcing and selling a product - she absolutely does understand finances and if after she had paid OP whatever they decide for her keep them if she chooses to spend every penny she has left then that is absolutely up to her.

You cannot have an adult deemed to have zero capacity drive a car.

@MySugarBabyLove brilliant 🤣 it’s all about giving people choices, right?

But the OP has paid what must have been a significant amount to have had dual controls fitted to the car of someone who has been learning to drive for 2 years and isn't capable of understanding a roundabout. Surely the OP could have just been nominated and be using the car, and saving not just that money but the £70 a week she is currently paying for driving lessons?

that just doesn't make sense to me.

Keir Starmer has already made it clear that he wants to examine disability benefits, hinting that he thinks they’re too generous. If you think back Labour wanted to reform DLA but faced significant opposition and backed down. It was the Tories who railroaded through the replacement of DLA with PIP.

@Rosscameasdoody

I understand all of that. But if someone lacks capacity and has the mental age of a child they absolutely should not be driving a car. I'm not saying there can't be variance in ability, juts that in the case of driving if you notify the DVLA your mental age is 12, you won't be getting a licence.

@Slaterz her free hours ran out quite recently, but I don’t want her to not have any lessons in the 2 months leading up to her test. HTH.

But you're throwing good money after bad by your own admission as she doesn't understand a roundabout.

so im guessing she has passed her theory??

The fitting of dual controls and any other adaptations may have been contributed to or even paid for entirely by motability under their grant scheme. And let’s not forget that her daughter claims PIP in her own right. She may be disabled but that doesn’t mean that she lacks the capacity to make her own decisions, or that she should have the right to do so taken away from her. Shouldn’t she at least have every chance to try to pass a test, given that it will give her more independence ?

Ok people are getting really hung up on the 12 year old thing. It would perhaps be fairer to say that DD is EMOTIONALLY more like a 12 year old, she dresses and looks a lot younger than she is, no one ever believes her age, and she has huge issues around getting older and becoming an adult and this causes her massive anxiety. In other ways she’s very sharp and mature, but she often says she wishes she was still a child, because life was easier then. Not that she’s exactly got much to worry about now, but just the very thought of having to fend for herself and do adulting sends her into a downward spiral.

@catskittens yes she passed her theory first time. Like I say, some things she’s good at, others, not so much.

Not if she has no chance of passing and the funded lessons have run out and the op can't really afford it. No. At some point, as hard as it is, we all have a duty to be honest with our kids. Even disabled ones. This young lady doesn't understand roundabouts and isn't observant and has had a fuckton of lessons already.

This is a young adult who, according to the op, doesn't have capacity to manage her own money. So the OP needs to make sensible decisions for her.

The OP didn’t say she lacks capacity, or that she has the mental age of a child in every area of her life. And even for a provisional licence you have to declare a disability so if she has done that and the licence has been issued, then clearly DVLA think she’s fit to drive.

Did you pay for the fitting of the dual controls @BlueLines81 as you implied or was the cost of that covered by the motability scheme?

well she clearly is a very capable young lady
please teach her independence she clearly is more capable than first thought

The OP stated quite clearly that her dad does manage her own money - she budgets with her PIP allowance. And I know a fair few people who are perfectly able bodied who took years of lessons before they managed to pass a test.

DD, not dad !

If she can't reliably manage the length of a driving lesson, without her instructor having to take over, then how is she going to be able to drive any distance?

What if she goes somewhere, and walks around as much as she is able, and can't drive home?

If that is the case, then the OP has no right or justification to be taking her DD's money and managing it for her.

I'm sorry but I think you've missed my point.

I was trying to explain by way of example that it's perfectly possible to be wholly incapable in some areas but have clear capacity in others. Yourself and some other posters seem to be struggling with this concept. Learning difficulties and neurodiverse needs aren't simply black and white.

ND individuals are also often 3 -5 years behind their peers in terms of emotional maturity.

I know lots of young people with such needs who are able to drive but need to heavily rely on their parents in other areas.

And "she likes the sound of that and wants to stay a child" won't meet the legal test as being "mentally incapable" if as a pp said the op's daughter can manage her money.