WIBU to take this much from DD’s benefits?

[BlueLines81]

My DD is 19 and has a disability, she is not able to work and won’t be able to for the foreseeable. She receives PIP.

As she’s no longer in education, I was not entitled to claim benefits for her from the end of august this year. My tax credits went down quite considerably, and lost CB too, and all of my housing benefit. All together I am about £190 per week worse off. Which isn’t great as I am a single parent and also have a health condition (I receive low rate mobility PIP), and I had to give my job up in July as I couldn’t manage it anymore, so that’s another £1000ish per month down.

I am self employed and doing bits and pieces where I can, to give you an idea I’ve managed about 12 hours of work this month.

I did an online calculator in august and it looked like I would be better off on UC, and also needed to start a UC claim for DD, so I claimed for us both on the same day. We had an appointment at the jobcentre for DD’s claim a couple of weeks ago, and the advisor suggested that I become her appointee and I could have her UC paid into my account, if we felt DD didn’t have the capacity to manage it herself. I asked DD what she thought and she said she’d rather it was paid into my account. I am getting fit notes for both of us from the doctor and and hopefully we will both be entitled to the LCWRA elements.

The idea of being an adult and having to pay bills terrifies DD, mentally she is more like a 12 year old in a lot of ways. I have spoken to her about it and said the options are that either we work out exactly what her share of rent and bills etc would be and she just gives me the money for those, and she can arrange her own food shopping etc, and pay for herself if she wants to come on holidays etc. Or I keep the amount that I’ve lost in benefits for her, she can have whatever is leftover (which I think will still mean she’s better off than she is now with just her PIP). And then she can carry on essentially being a child for as long as she wants (I don’t mean this negatively, she regularly gets very tearful that she’s not a child anymore). She liked the sound of that option better. She just doesn’t want to have to think about finances at all.

But AIBU to take this much money from her? I don’t know the exact figures of what I’ll have lost until we get our first UC statements in a few days, but will probably be at least £150 per week. I know this a lot more than a lot of people take from adult children, which is why I feel bad, but then maybe they have a partner or are just financially in a better situation than I am. Realistically she’s going to be living at home for many more years to come.

As a single adult with no housing on the UC I don’t think even with Lwrca she would clear 150-180 a week.

@Willyoujustbequiet

was trying to explain by way of example that it's perfectly possible to be wholly incapable in some areas but have clear capacity in others. Yourself and some other posters seem to be struggling with this concept. Learning difficulties and neurodiverse needs aren't simply black and white.

I'm not struggling with anything.

I completely understand what you are saying. I just don't agree it applies in a situation where someone has a mental age of 12 and wants to learn to drive.

That said, again, it isn't the case here at all.

@Rosscameasdoody

The OP didn’t say she lacks capacity, or that she has the mental age of a child in every area of her life.

And even for a provisional licence you have to declare a disability so if she has done that and the licence has been issued, then clearly DVLA think she’s fit to drive.

Well that was rather my point initially about the two being contradictory, but as I said, things have moved on/changed since I first commented anyway.

But the OP hasn't said that.

And someone can have the capacity of a 12 year old in some areas but their chronological age in others. It's not an either or.

Or are you confusing the capacity myself and some others are talking about with IQ?

Actually we have good jobs and still can’t afford to heat our old house! Seriously what a ridiculous assumption.

Are you in the top 46% of tax payers?

@Slaterz not really sure of the relevance but I had to apply to motability for a grant for the dual brake, as suggested by them when they were unable to find a suitable instructor, but if/when she passes I have to have it removed at my own expense.

And if she was out and about somewhere and became really tired, hypothetically, then she would need to sit in her car and have a rest, or a nap even, before driving. I can’t imagine her doing long journeys but it would help her day to day life, she would be able to drive 5 mins to the shop rather than not go at all because she’d not be able to do it on foot.

You really don't get what I'm trying to say op so I'm going to bow out. I am very very sorry that your dd has such a difficult set of conditions to manage.

If she's capable of driving then she's capable of paying for the lessons. She is entitled to apply for uc in her own right and will then be assessed to see if she's work ready or one of the two non work requirement categories. The fact she is learning to drive means she's likely to be assessed as work capable

You don't say whether you drive or not ?
If you are a driver you can register as her carer and drive the car yourself.
To take her around . I think the rule is that she gets the car under mot ability.
Butshe can nominate someone else to drive. Then you don't have to pay for any more driving lessons. Which will save you money on lessons.
If you don't drive I think you can name another family member to take her about.
You might also qualify for a blue badge as well if you haven't already applied.

Remember pip has nothing to do with working - you can get higher rste pip and still be fit for work

@gogomoto did you actually read the OP? I’m well aware of LCWRA. Are you saying nobody entitled to that element drives? Because I know that to be completely untrue.

@CHRIS003 yes I do drive, I have my own car but I am also insured on DD’s so I can ferry her about. If she doesn’t manage to pass we won’t need to keep the motability car, the money would be more useful to her as I can drive her places in my car. She won’t like it 🤣, her car is a lot nicer than mine, but there you go.

@Willyoujustbequiet

No I'm not confusing anything. The thread has moved on quite a bit since I commented the post you have quoted initially. Perhaps we can do the same?

@BlueLines81 hi I know people are being judgemental about "wasting" Money on driving lessons. And yes in the end she may not be able to drive. But my attending lessons she is learning important skills, listening being aware taking instructions. Which she won't be able to access otherwise. So I personally wouldn't see it as sunken cost. Also I get annoyed with posters saying your daughter can't do this or that. I would love people to think of disability and learning difficulties as a series of dials of 1-10. In all areas of their Lives. Keep going she's lucky to have you x

I applied once and the letter (scored zero) said it was because I work.

Years of medical evidence. (Assessed summer 2020 including phone interview)

Does she have an EHCP? If it stays in place it will mean that she can stay in education until 25. If she has dropped her college course, I would make enquiries about her doing another course which might give her more skills for life. It sounds as though she might be quite a good candidate for residential college. This would fill her gaps in life skills and educate her with more support, the aim being for her to enter employment. I think that short term, taking responsibility for her finances and explaining how it works as you go is the best thing to do, but there is a clear need for you to consider the long term scenario with regard to how she is going to be able to cope with the changes life will bring. Horrible as it sounds, if something happened and you were no longer able to care for her it is fairer that she is settled and secure with people she knows because her being supported will give you valuable peace of mind.

@SharpShard yes, both. You hope it's never needed, but what if you grant financial then an accident occurs the following week.

With the complex legal systems and GDPR, care requirements etc etc.

I would go as far as saying the government should offer free POA to everyone as the costs and scrutiny for a guardianship are so overwhelming for people, often at a very difficult time.

Trying to think of an example

Mums in a coma

Bills need paid, forms need signed, invoke POA. Decisions need made around personal welfare, invoke POA.

Mum is in a coma.

We have no say. We need a solicitor, appointment next month. We need three independent medical assessments within 30 days of each other, all agreeing. We then need to lodge an application in court, date is two months away.

One of the reports isn't in, another continuation.

Great, the reports agree, but the sheriff is unsure, we don't know how long the condition will continue, let's look at an assessment from a court appointed guardian.
Oh, brother and sister have fallen out, they want it to be dad only, and the neighbour.

Meanwhile where is mum.

Much easier to have the correct process in place. .

Re OP. Apologies for hijack. I note you say you have your name on notes, be very very careful. Read my posts. That is not a legal document. Picture abusive relationships yes husband can speak for me.

Hi @Jellycatspyjamas
Sorry, I've re read my message and realised I wasn't very clear.
I should have said,
"I know I will probably have to resume work if my adult child ever goes into supported living."

And when I asked, "Does this sound fair?" I was referring to the whole arrangement we have regarding benefits.
I get the PIP into my account and use it towards items for my adult child.

No, the fact that she drives doesn’t mean they will find her work capable. This was successfully challenged at tribunal some years ago and the fact that someone drives cannot be used as evidence that they can work if there is another element of the disability that qualifies them for support group - as an example, having no control over bladder or bowel qualifies you as unable to work, regardless of the ability to drive. PIP also tries to use the fact that claimants can drive as evidence that they can do other things requiring similar skills. Doesn’t stand up at tribunal.

Nope. This is just not true. Millions of people work and claim PIP - it’s paid in respect of the cost of living with a disability. You must have failed to qualify by not meeting the criteria for benefit. ‘Because you work’ is not even in the vocabulary forPIP award letters.

Why are they contradictory ? She may have the mental age of a child in some areas but not in others and she has passed the theory test and been entered for the driving test in two months. And if her condition has been reported to DVLA and they have issued a provisional licence, it’s not really for anyone else to question as they are satisfied she’s safe to drive.

@Cola2023 I work and get PIP.

I think taking more than £100 per week is unnecessary. But I'd get her paying the driving lessons separately herself and if she wants clothes let her pay herself too. You need to try to make your DD as independent as possible. I know it's hard because I look after a DC with an IQ of about 65 who also has no idea about money but I have got him a bank card and make him use it to buy himself things. I just go with him let him choose things then when at checkout he uses his card. Instead of him paying more money to me and then me paying. You need to prepare your DD for managing herself when you are no longer here. It will probably take her many years to learn to do so so it's best to start now. You should also set up a standing order from her account to a savings account so she can make small but regular savings. Let her see every time she makes a payment her savings increase. I'd keep it below level that could affect her benefits.

You don’t qualify for motability on LRM, the OPs did claims the enhanced rate and motability paid for the adaptations.

Yep, so do millions of others - ‘because you work’ has never been a reason to refuse PIP. I think some people think we were all born yesterday !