WIBU to take this much from DD’s benefits?

[BlueLines81]

My DD is 19 and has a disability, she is not able to work and won’t be able to for the foreseeable. She receives PIP.

As she’s no longer in education, I was not entitled to claim benefits for her from the end of august this year. My tax credits went down quite considerably, and lost CB too, and all of my housing benefit. All together I am about £190 per week worse off. Which isn’t great as I am a single parent and also have a health condition (I receive low rate mobility PIP), and I had to give my job up in July as I couldn’t manage it anymore, so that’s another £1000ish per month down.

I am self employed and doing bits and pieces where I can, to give you an idea I’ve managed about 12 hours of work this month.

I did an online calculator in august and it looked like I would be better off on UC, and also needed to start a UC claim for DD, so I claimed for us both on the same day. We had an appointment at the jobcentre for DD’s claim a couple of weeks ago, and the advisor suggested that I become her appointee and I could have her UC paid into my account, if we felt DD didn’t have the capacity to manage it herself. I asked DD what she thought and she said she’d rather it was paid into my account. I am getting fit notes for both of us from the doctor and and hopefully we will both be entitled to the LCWRA elements.

The idea of being an adult and having to pay bills terrifies DD, mentally she is more like a 12 year old in a lot of ways. I have spoken to her about it and said the options are that either we work out exactly what her share of rent and bills etc would be and she just gives me the money for those, and she can arrange her own food shopping etc, and pay for herself if she wants to come on holidays etc. Or I keep the amount that I’ve lost in benefits for her, she can have whatever is leftover (which I think will still mean she’s better off than she is now with just her PIP). And then she can carry on essentially being a child for as long as she wants (I don’t mean this negatively, she regularly gets very tearful that she’s not a child anymore). She liked the sound of that option better. She just doesn’t want to have to think about finances at all.

But AIBU to take this much money from her? I don’t know the exact figures of what I’ll have lost until we get our first UC statements in a few days, but will probably be at least £150 per week. I know this a lot more than a lot of people take from adult children, which is why I feel bad, but then maybe they have a partner or are just financially in a better situation than I am. Realistically she’s going to be living at home for many more years to come.

@MySugarBabyLove that’s absolutely awful! But good on you re the Uber, I’d love to have seen the driver’s face 🤣

No. The election will not change anything for anyone. Labour are not going to pay out even more benefits/PIP. Labour have already made it very clear they will not be the party of fiscal incontinence again.

LRM but a motability car that you have paid to have adapted?

@TravellingSpoon I have said many, many times that she gets HRM.

So you think the disabled should only be allowed enough benefits to… what? Maybe eat? Disabled people shouldn’t be allowed to heat their homes because some other low earners can’t?

Just remember, you’re only a car crash away from having a disability. Be careful what you wish for.

My apologies, I lost track of the thread with all the quoting and misread.

Why are you paying £70 a week for her driving lessons when you say she got them under motability? Why also did you pay for dual controls to be fitted in her car? That must've cost you a fortune.

@Slaterz i have already explained both of those things if you RTFT.

so you only get £76 a week benefits
would you not care for her without CA then

@BlueLines81 just to warn you my sons pip renewal date was next year (may) and we have already had the paperwork. They may be more stringent this time.

The echp you used last time will be not relevant if she is no longer studying. They used my son's to prove mobility issues as he got a taxi to school and Back (sen) Mental health support has been hard to get and impossible to have documented as he has moved from camhs to adult mental health team.

It's a big step to be someone's appointee particularly in light of your health problems. Maybe see this as the right time for dd to become more fiscally independent especially in light of her managing pip.

To those with relatives with cancer etc being Turned down please speak to macmillian, your nursing teams or seek out advice from food banks etc (I fill out forms on a Friday at my local food bank for pip, limited capability and attendance allowance) People who are going through cancer should not be turned down... you may need to appeal but it's doable.

Before anyone moans or says I am ableist. I am a cancer sufferer and work (and claim pip). Two of my sons have chronic health issues and work in some way, shape or form. I think it's important for mental health. Disabilities do not define our lives.

Don't blame other people with disabilities who are entitled to pip. blame the system

@BlueLines81 · I tend to go with the logical approach. So e.g. “you don’t have to carry me/let me in but…..”.

So in the instance of a restaurant refusal, I figure there’s no point me making a scene, as if they’re adamant, then I’m not going to be eating there tonight. So on the couple of occasions where they’ve said I couldn’t bring the dog in I’ve just turned around and said “that’s fine I won’t eat here, but I will be reviewing you on tripadvisor. It hasn’t failed me yet, and it’s amazing how quickly they let me in.

I realise that - I did say ‘among other criteria which apply equally to physical and mental health conditions’ and the second part of the mobility assessment mainly applies to mental health or cognitive disorders, although awards can be based on elements of both parts where both physical and mental health problems exist. In my reply I was talking about the physical element, because the ability to use public transport is not considered here and there are no stand alone points awarded in respect of it. It’s only taken into account in the second part of the assessment in specific circumstances which specify that assessors should not consider a claimant as being unable to follow the route of a familiar journey unless they are unable to use public transport - in other words if they are unable to plan or follow a familiar route under their own steam, without being able to get on a bus or train which essentially plans it for them. Hope that clarifies.

you haven't explained why you're paying £70 a WEEK for her lessons when you said she could get them under motability.

You said she could get the car and lessons under motablility - but then you seem to say you had to pay for the lessons because there's no one local who does auto lessons that works with motability? Couldn't she have had a lesson on one of your days off (when you were working) so could take her to where the motability lessons were available? Rather than you paying £70 a week for 2 years AND paying ££££ to get dual controls fitted to her car when you're so short of cash? It doesn't seem on the face of it to be a good use of your limited cash pot. Especially when she has been learning for 2 years and doesn't understand roundabouts, and is so limited in terms of her energy levels, which I must admit worries me in terms of her driving a vehicle.

‘I would recommend every single person grants a power of attorney for welfare and financial matters whilst they have full capacity to do so’

My husband and I are in our early fifties and thinking of doing this. I did this for my parents recently, LPA for finances and also health.

Do you think we can get away with just doing finances for each other for now? Or do we need to do health too?

And should we nominate our young adult kids as attorneys as well? (Think that’s the right word). I think that’s too much responsibility/power for 19/20 year olds?

Sorry to hijack OP’s thread but you sound knowledgable and this is something I have been meaning to do for some time. You have reminded me.

Many WORKING people that pay your bloody benefits can’t afford to heat their homes at all, and use food banks. Your post is pretty disgraceful.

You don’t pay other people’s benefits. If you can’t afford to heat your home; then you must be in the bottom 54% of the working population, who are net beneficiaries of the tax/welfare state? You don’t even pay for what you get out of the welfare state - other people pay more tax to support you!

I wish MN would put this on a banner at the top of the board!

OP you don’t need to defend yourself. My kids at 19 were not yet fully independent in every way. They are at university but it’s still not the same as managing your own household. So your daughter isn’t that unusual.

I hope you get the answers you need, amongst the negativity.

I have never claimed benefits other than a few years of child benefit. I have worked all my life full time. But I recognise that I have also been lucky with health and circumstances and see you are doing all you can. I hope you have easier times ahead.

Actually we have good jobs and still can’t afford to heat our old house! Seriously what a ridiculous assumption.

@Slaterz

you haven't explained why you're paying £70 a WEEK for her lessons when you said she could get them under motability.

OP is paying because you only get funded for 40 lessons and she has had them.

The motability car is also around £70 a week from the DD PIP money, OP justifies that with 'she was able to access the lessons' - £10k for a 3 years lease juts to get a grant for 40 lesson.

So you’re not aware that carers such as this poster save the tax payer a fortune. £76 a week is unlikely to cover all of the costs of caring for someone full time, restricts earning capacity, has an effect on other benefits, and is taxable. For comparison, my LA charges over £40 an hour for home care. I think the country is getting a bargain through unpaid carers.

That's helpful thank you.

Then the Op's DD can't afford to learn to drive (and probably shouldn't be anyway). And the Op doesn't seem to be making sensible decisions around money which is worrying.

I suppose the OP can drive the motability car when she's doing things for her daughter though, which will at least save her the cost of a car for herself? Because that would qualify as for the benefit of her DD?

OP’s DD was assessed. A paper based assessment is still classed as an assessment.

But it’s not the interview pp was insisting has taken place.

Will she be living independently as she gets older op?

If she is she's going to have learn this stuff sooner rather than later. If she's learning to drive, she can have digital banking and transfer you the money.

Doing everything for her won't be helping her in the long run.