Seeing lots of single child family

[Guffpuff]

We went for a long walk today around a reservoir. It's quite a popular place. We saw a large number of single child families. We feel that it's becoming more and more common now. Could be due to Cost of living and inflation or mix of lots of reasons.
Is this something you're observing as well?

So many children aren’t read to, connected with and can’t have the interests followed because there is another sibling or two to divide the time with. Or relationships suffer when a divide and conquer approach is needed to give the multiple kids what they need.

I don't think dc aren't read to just because there's a 2nd child. Also the above ignores any benefits from a sinking relationship.

My DD is an only and just turned 13.

7 in our NCT class. 5 only had 1 child. 2 only had 2.

(Money wasn’t a factor for us stopping at 1.)

Isn’t it crazy though to think of the effects if more and more people have one, there’s ultimately going to be less people around.

Population growth has only been driven by people living longer & immigration for sometime now. For some reason people think it's because people are having lots of dc, there are more over 65 yr olds than under 15 yr olds.

All anecdotal of course but most people of the people I know who have at least one young child either has 2+ or plan to have more. I can only think of one person in my generation, of you like, who has just one, and that's because she unexpectedly became single.

I do know a huge number of people who plan to have no children at all, though.

It's interesting to hear so many viewpoints. We don't have any of our extended family living close to us. So, we have got no help with looking after DC. This is a big factor for us in deciding the no. Of DC we can afford to bring up.

I think it is going to be very interesting in the next generations that aunts, uncles and cousins will be a rarity. Huge family Christmases and weddings and get together will be the exception rather than the norm.

My dad is one of 7 & I'm one of 4, I love the massive family gatherings.

I feel people from chaotic households choose to have fewer DC and calmer homes.

I thought I would have 4 but didn't start till early 30s & couldn't afford 4, I do sometimes think of going for no 3 but worry about health (bad pregnancies) & the cost is astronomical.

At some point the government will have to provide breaks to get the birth rate up.

It's too late tbh & once you go past a certain point looking at other countries it's very hard to switch mindsets.

I agree. Upping the fertility rates now is more of a mindset problem and younger people choosing to remain child free. It's not going to be fixed any soon.

I'm one of 3 and my parents never paid for driving lessons, car, insurance and house deposit. I'm not married. They said we should work for these and they're not wrong.

I have a baby but pregnancy and post partum recovery was incredibly difficult. Lots of complications and I'm only in my 20s and very fit. I always wanted 2 but I don't think my body could cope a second time.

It's not just money. I agree with PP that we are expected to invest so much in our children these days but with less support.

If they still had free range childhoods like in the 60s where you just had to feed them and wash their clothes I might have been up for a bigger family. If I had "a village" maybe I'd be up for more.

With all the gentle parenting and guilt and homework and extracurriculars and constant supervision and not being allowed to walk places until much older then sorry but no, I'm certainly not up for trying to juggle all that for a big family and just my husband to help.

I think my DS would prefer to be in a home with two happy parents who are still together as opposed to getting a sibling but having his parents divorce a year or so later.

I don't think divorce is less likely if you have 1dc vs 2 is it?

@Hihey sorry to hear about the difficult post partum recovery. I had a hard time as well. I had an emergency c section.

I have step kids but I’ve only had one LO myself. Through ivf, and we didn’t qualify for NHS so ended up costing 10k for one baby. It was totally worth it of course! But i had lots of miscarriage along the way and then nothing for a while. Even with the ivf our chances were low, and only one egg fertilised, but we were blessed with our little miracle.
I won’t be trying again because I don’t want to risk going through all that heartache again which is highly likely. Also don’t have the money. But I hoped and prayed for just one healthy baby and I got that and appreciate at my age I did have such a healthy pregnancy etc. that’s my reason for not having another but slightly different as I do have step kids and therefore LO has siblings.
I have two friends with endo but only found out after they had also had miracle children! (Then long time trying for another/misscariages then discovering endo. ) after so many misscariages they have decided to stay with one also.

I know a couple others who went through ivf for their first and again long journey, so down are stocking at one and soem are unsure..

"Of all families with dependent children, families with one child made up 44% (3.6 million) in 2022. Families with two children made up 41% (3.4 million), and families with three or more children made up 15% (1.2 million)."

We have an only DD but she's very much the exception around here. Almost all kids at her school have 2 or 3 siblings.

I would have liked another but DH is contrary due to logistics, environmental and financial issues. I think we could have managed with two but it would have taken away some opportunities away from DD.

I always thought we’d have two at least but DC is at school now and I think it’s unlikely we’ll have another.

Big reason is the balance we have with just the one, being able to carve out free time now they’re a bit older.

Covid hit right around the time we’d have started to think about planning another and being trapped at home with an older baby who grew into a toddler during this time was horrific and changed my view on parenting for the worse for the following years.

I work part time and can see the hit to my career with one, even just working part time and being less visible. Last winter was so tough with constant illnesses. Managing more would be really hard.

The NHS is shambolic and I would be generally worried about trusting myself into their care for another pregnancy.

Im now 35+ and I feel pregnancy would be a much greater strain on my body than it was first time around.

Also lastly I feel that for probably for the first time motherhood is when I truly felt unequal because of my sex. I felt vulnerable that I was now financial dependent on a man for the first time. Everything is structured around my unpaid labour to keep the family going. Less valued at work, but with all the mental load at home.

It's not just money. I agree with PP that we are expected to invest so much in our children these days but with less support.

i agree with this, there is so much pressure on parents now

There's so much expectations on parenting as well as no village for most people to get any help with bringing up children. Its hard.

Thank you❤️I had a vaginal delivery and I'm on a very long waiting list to see a gynae due to the damage. I thought I had age and fitness on my side for a relatively easy pregnancy and recovery but how wrong and naive I was! Gosh an emergency Cs sounds so difficult. I was scared that I would need one. I hope you've recovered now!

I have one child. It wasn't a conscious decision I made as I had always expected to have more but life didn't turn out that way for me.
Most other people I know who have one or no children are the same, and it wasn't that they planned it that way.

I'm slightly older though although I COULD still have another (though riskier at my age) so the reasons people are in single child families now may well be more to do with economics. Paying for nursery when my child was younger felt ridiculously expensive even at that time, but then I hear about what it costs these days, and I wonder how anyone can afford it. Having more than one seems like something that's only possible if paid childcare isn't really needed.

And there isn't a quick fix for increased parental expectations, you can't really throw money at it.

I've always been poor even before the cost of living crisis so I decided not to have any more children long ago. He's 15 now and I don't have any regrets.

We only have one child, but just because a family is out with only one child does not mean there is not a sibling elsewhere at a sleepover, with friends or wherever

I think the COL and mostly childcare have a big impact. I was actually having this conversation yesterday with someone and we also wondered if women’s experiences of birth are a factor - I literally know two women out of about 15 who had normal non medicalised births. Many of them were very traumatised and two out of those women (so far) have sworn never again. I don’t know why so many women are needing so much intervention these days but I think it bears looking at.