Seeing lots of single child family

[Guffpuff]

We went for a long walk today around a reservoir. It's quite a popular place. We saw a large number of single child families. We feel that it's becoming more and more common now. Could be due to Cost of living and inflation or mix of lots of reasons.
Is this something you're observing as well?

I wonder if people self select their friends unconsciously if that makes sense. My group of friends that I made when I had my first all now have 2 children. I'm surprised as I thought there would be some who stuck at 1 or had a 3rd. Really odd unless we're all just of a really similar demographic and that's why we gelled.

@MaybeOneAndDone I wonder at what age the only child poll takes place though as this is key because people do go on to have more DC. I have an only but I notice more people with 2 plus DC even if I'm on holiday or in the airport.

I have noticed similar OP.

Cost + logistics IMO.

If I had two in nursery even with the 15 hours at age 3 (I’m not eligible for tax free childcare or the extra hours), it would cost me ~£3,500pcm. More if I got a nanny.

Then when at school… you’d need more childcare. Before and after school is a challenge.

Working hours + commuting + kids… it’s just incredibly complicated.

Also in the longer term… as others have said, with one you can ‘invest’ in them better. Help with buying a house etc.

Exactly. We’re soon to ttc but there’s allsorts to bear in mind. Birthday parties - my cousin just paid £200 for a trampoline one. 2x kids is £400 a year for stuff like that, plus all the presents, childcare for the older/younger, affording Christmas and holidays, car repairs, unexpected bills, house moves, school uniforms. I can’t see how you’d do it without being extremely wealthy.

I'm one of 5 and dh one of 2. We have one dd12. I love being the mum of one. My life is so easy compared to friends who have 2, although they had them later than me so they are juggling preschoolers and primary age.

Out of my friend group, 3 are child free/ childless, 3 have two kids and 2 of us have 1. I know at least another 8 families with 1 child. My dc is lucky she has cousins of similar ages, a good group of friends and several hobbies so she's never lonely. Playing on her own was never an issue and she's fiercely independent and a self starter. She's really happy being an only and 2 of her friends have said they'd rather be onlies.

It’s happening all over the world. The birth rate has been crashing for years.

@FlyingSoap I think with parties I've just kept them low key, she's only had 3 but they've always just been family only and cost is minimal as I make/buy all the party food.

This year her friends did all have property parties with bouncy castles and she had a great time at them but I just can't justify the cost and she always has a great time with her cousins and family. It helps her cousins are the same and have all just had family parties and they are a few years older.

We’re now at the stage of driving lessons for DS. That alone is an eye watering amount totalled up over time, then there’s the car, tax, insurance (don’t want to think about that yet).

Unless you’re bringing in a sizeable income, I really don’t know how those with 3+ DC manage.

DS is at college and will be looking for part time work over the next few months but his wage won’t make a dent in all of the outgoings and while he’s still studying, I wouldn’t expect it to really.

Put it this way, if we’d had multiple DC (without a huge age gap) the driving lessons etc would have been put on the back burner!

We just have one DD but I always thought I'd have two. We could have afforded a second, pregnancy , newborn, toddler stages were all good, always 50/50 support from DH - sometimes much more from him! I never had a reason not to have another. However (and this is going to sound so cringe & cheesy) I fell so in love with DD & our family life, as time went on I thought no she's enough, I just want her and she's completed our family. It's been over a decade since she was born and our feelings haven't changed.

You’re seeing a lot of families out with one child. That’s not the same. If you’d observed my family out for a walk today you’d think we were a one and done family. Actually our daughter is the youngest of four, but her siblings didn’t fancy coming today and are old enough to stay home.

I don’t know. There seems to be a lot of people on MN debating having a third because they’re not “done.”

I’m a teacher and haven’t noticed this trend, but have noticed bigger age gaps as parents wait until the first is in school before having the next one.

As a parent myself, I think aside from the crazy cost of putting 2 children through childcare, everything else that people think will be too expensive is actually optional. Lavish birthday parties, gifts and holidays abroad for example. Fair enough if you want to be able to afford those things, but I’d rather my children have each other to play and grow with, than big experiences and material things.

As for the cost of driving lessons etc when they are older, the children themselves can contribute towards these. I have several siblings and so earned my own money as a teenager through Saturday and evening jobs. I paid for all of my driving lessons myself and saved for my first car. Didn’t do me any harm, in fact I have always appreciated the value of hard work and saving.

Not judging single child families at all, but I think it is possible to have more than one if you are willing to forgo certain things. Just depends what your priorities are I guess, everyone is different and that’s fine!

I am one of four siblings. All of us barely speak to each other and there's no guarantee that siblings will grow up to get along. So, it shouldn't be the only concern while deciding the number of children people want to have.

No of course not. I just meant that if you already know that you want to have more than one, but are put off by the cost of things, I don’t think that should necessarily stop you.

Both my parents were dead by the time I was 25...I am so thankful I am not an only child.

I was one of 2 and had to pay for my own driving lessons. I didn't have my parents to pay for them. That was my responsibility.

Just another way of looking at the situation.

Exactly. There's many reasons to stop at one, but the cost of driving lessons is a pretty bizarre reason imo.

Well, that's right. Children have to realise that you can't forever fund each significant milestone as they come into adulthood 🤷🏻 where do we draw the line?

I have four, so should I give each £50k for a house deposit from my magic money tree? I think not! It will do them good to go out into the world and earn money and save up and appreciate the value of a new house, car etc.

As for parties, mine each got one with friends from primary and the rest have been small family affairs/day trips. There is no need to be lavish each birthday.

I had my youngest out today on one trip, and DH had the older three out on a separate trip. This is often how we operate but we do also do big family trips/outings too. Just depends what is happening each week.

It probably looked like my youngest was an only.

Gosh, I don’t see it that way at all.
Having a sibling to me is one of tue greatest opportunities there is. Teaches the child so much. Of course siblings might have nothing to do with each other when they grow up - or they might be everything to one another- that’s the chance. But what an amazing chance it is!

I just want to say having one and two cost wise doesn’t really feel any different. If you have two close together (less than three ur gap then I imagine it’s harder if you need to pay two x nursery fees ) but three year gap or more and there is free child care for one so I don’t feel it made any difference. I have a 6 yr gap I would have preferred a smaller gap but that’s how it worked out. Also the argument about clubs doesn’t work either , my dd is very sporty you just split time one parent takes one and the other takes the other child so they don’t miss out. I’ve never felt poorer for having two kids. I think the truth is people only want one child because it’s EASIER. We certainly had that debate by time dd1 was 5 should we have another now as life is quite easy, we’d got through the sleepless nights , the tiredness , grandparents would willingly babysit one child who slept through the night , we would quite often go out for dinner / cinema. When you have two it’s much harder to get any time alone , grandparents don’t want to have the one that doesn’t sleep well and is hectic. You are busier and more stressed with two but I would not trade it. I think to be honest we are all missing out by not having bigger families. The more I think of it ,it’s quite sad the thought of someone not having cousins. Cousins are your first best friends. My niece and my dd are extremely close as are my son and his male cousin. I don’t think you realise the importance of extended family in later life.

I agree. I hear a lot of parents with one child say they want to give their child their undivided attention...honestly I'd rather have my sister than more one to one attention from my parents whilst growing up. We had a blast!

@Whippetlovely I find your comments quite sad, I'm an only child and never felt I missed out. Dd is also an only child and seems perfectly happy to be so.

Also, you may not find it more expensive, but it depends what you choose to do. If you have a second child certain costs will likely double - clubs, school trips, parties and birthday gifts, Christmas gifts (though I suppose these can be shared), driving lessons, uni accommodation, house deposit, wedding...

Dd has always been easy so far, it certainly isn't the 'stressful' aspect that has formed the basis of our decision to stick with one child. We are simply close and happy as a three.

Cost being the same argument is wrong factually. Sending two to nursery costs double. For 1 child our cost is £1400. For two, it would be 2800. My friends send kids to private school, for one it's £1500 pm, for two it's £3000 pm. This is just the childcare and education aspect of it. Similarly for clubs, it would be double.
Also, I have around 20 cousins in total from both parents side who all are at least 10 years or more older to me and yes, there's nothing I can relate to them. So, no cousins don't matter in everyone's life. It's not universal fact.