Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Star of the day"

150 replies

coverp · 23/09/2023 06:48

What is the point?

You get one happy kid and 29 disappointed kids every day.

Back at school 12 days, 10 kids have had it (2 have had it twice), all girls.

DS asks every night what he has to do to get it. "I work hard, I listen, I put my hand up" - he's really upset. It's making the transition to Reception way harder than it would otherwise have been.

I'd sort of understand if it was being used to motivate some of the kids that find listening difficult, but that's clearly not the case here.

I'm really trying not to get wound up about it and I'm obviously not going to say anything to the teacher, but it's really starting to grind my gears. Anyone shed some light on what the point of it might be?

OP posts:
Youspoilus · 23/09/2023 06:49

You get one happy kid and 29 disappointed kids every day.

many kids really don’t give a toss
and by the time they’re in year 2… most have realised it doesn’t mean much anyway

Youspoilus · 23/09/2023 06:50

Wait you’re talking about nursery?!

Original poster
coverp · 23/09/2023 06:52

They've just gone into Reception. So are all 4/5 - pretty much all of them would like a big star sticker and to get to put "star of the day" on their drawer.

OP posts:
Youspoilus · 23/09/2023 06:52

So out of 30 children
8 children have had stars (2 twice)

so 22, of which your ds is on, hasn’t.

Barely 3 weeks into the term

OP- really?

Youspoilus · 23/09/2023 06:52

coverp · 23/09/2023 06:52

They've just gone into Reception. So are all 4/5 - pretty much all of them would like a big star sticker and to get to put "star of the day" on their drawer.

And 22 haven’t

and it’s only 3 weeks (not even!) into the term

SpainHoliday · 23/09/2023 06:53

It's about behaviour control. You can guarantee that if a child is always well behaved, they are likely to rarely be awarded star of the day. If naughty however, on the few days they behave, a star of the day award is a guaranteed shoe in!

Original poster
coverp · 23/09/2023 06:54

It's not so much that DS hasn't had it (as you say, the majority haven't), it's that I really can't see the point in singling one 4 year old out for "good behaviour" if it means the rest are disappointed, during a pretty significant transition.

OP posts:
Youspoilus · 23/09/2023 06:55

is your child an only child?

because certainly when they have siblings - parents often single out good behaviour in one of the children on any given day

Youspoilus · 23/09/2023 06:55

And indeed bad behaviour!

PerfectMatch · 23/09/2023 06:56

I agree with you OP - I think star of the day/week is stupid. I was so happy when my DC's school ditched it!

Youspoilus · 23/09/2023 06:56

coverp · 23/09/2023 06:54

It's not so much that DS hasn't had it (as you say, the majority haven't), it's that I really can't see the point in singling one 4 year old out for "good behaviour" if it means the rest are disappointed, during a pretty significant transition.

Let’s be honest, if your DS hadn’t been whinging to you about it and had been given star of the day (or even twice!) then you’d have no problem with this whatsoever

Original poster
coverp · 23/09/2023 06:56

@Youspoilus no, he's not. And I haven't ever given one a big sticker and something to stick on their bedroom door because they've done "better" than their siblings.

OP posts:
Original poster
coverp · 23/09/2023 06:57

@Youspoilus you're right, if he weren't disappointed I wouldn't care. That's the whole point.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 23/09/2023 06:58

If it's the only form of reward, praise or acknowledgement then I don't like it.

If it's part of a supportive environment where children are recognised, rewarded or praised in other ways then I don't mind it. It's usually acknowledging something other than doing the basics eg. Someone being very kind in a situation, being very helpful when tidying up, being a good friend, trying hard on something they've found very difficult.

Original poster
coverp · 23/09/2023 07:00

@LolaSmiles to be fair, I don't know what else goes on in terms of praise and encouragement as I'm only hearing about star of the day from DS. Hopefully as they settle and we get to meet the teacher, it will become clearer.

OP posts:
itispersonal · 23/09/2023 07:01

Our star of the day is done on a rotational basis, so children get an equal turns but at the beginning of the term you are looking for those following the rules trying hard and it's could be 0 of them or 20 of them each day.

I would just explain to your child they will get a turn, they don't have to do anything extra and to carry on as he is.

However I also do get it my own dd'a schools are rubbish at giving everyone a turn and it is the same children who constantly get the certificates - last year , she was in year 5 and never got a certificate and don't recall her getting one in year 4 either!!! She is definitely the grey child who is miss average and gets constantly overlooked!!!!

Youspoilus · 23/09/2023 07:02

coverp · 23/09/2023 06:57

@Youspoilus you're right, if he weren't disappointed I wouldn't care. That's the whole point.

So you think it is pointless until your son actually gets it?

Youspoilus · 23/09/2023 07:03

coverp · 23/09/2023 06:56

@Youspoilus no, he's not. And I haven't ever given one a big sticker and something to stick on their bedroom door because they've done "better" than their siblings.

So you will never single out one of your children for trying really hard or doing something special, above and beyond etc?

bloomin heck.

Original poster
coverp · 23/09/2023 07:04

@Youspoilus you're clearly deliberately missing the point. Fine for you to disagree with me, but I'm not interested in arguing with you.

OP posts:
BluebellsForest · 23/09/2023 07:04

coverp · 23/09/2023 06:57

@Youspoilus you're right, if he weren't disappointed I wouldn't care. That's the whole point.

That is definitely worth mentioning to the teacher. As others have said, many kids will barely notice, but it is bothering your DS. Explain this to the teacher and see what they suggest. If they perhaps give him one he might be able to stop focusing on it so much.

I agree it's a stupid process.

mustrest · 23/09/2023 07:06

Well done for ignoring the unhelpful 'is he a single child' comments. I agree with you but you need to find a way to manage your feelings and his as you will find this happens a lot through primary - these types of behaviour management approaches. Particularly when your child isn't picked yet is doing all the right things and they are so young too. Of course they want to be picked, they are little and it is hard for them to understand why they haven't been.

Snowonthebeachx · 23/09/2023 07:09

If it gets to Christmas and he's not got one and every other child has had it then maybe you can say something.

But it's 3 weeks in! I'm sure they are doing it on a semi rotation but sometimes children do something great on one particular day. Just tell him you are sure he will get it. It's not been his turn yet.
He will be at school for 14 years. There will be lots of things like this!

Some schools are moving away from giving overt praise and rewards but having taught in one it is pretty depressing for the kids!

Youspoilus · 23/09/2023 07:11

coverp · 23/09/2023 07:04

@Youspoilus you're clearly deliberately missing the point. Fine for you to disagree with me, but I'm not interested in arguing with you.

But op

you say you wouldn’t have posted because you wouldn’t have cared if he had the star

presumably you’d have been delighted for him

so you think it is pointless because he hasn’t won it

but the day he comes back with it and he’s happy… you will presumably see “the point”?

explainthistomeplease · 23/09/2023 07:11

Not a single child, or mother of a single child. But I do smart at the 'is a/he a single child comments' you often see on MN. What of it? We all have different family dynamics. And the stereotype that a single child is a bit precious is just that. Plenty of drama queens and attention seekers and all other types in all sizes of family.

Youspoilus · 23/09/2023 07:12

mustrest · 23/09/2023 07:06

Well done for ignoring the unhelpful 'is he a single child' comments. I agree with you but you need to find a way to manage your feelings and his as you will find this happens a lot through primary - these types of behaviour management approaches. Particularly when your child isn't picked yet is doing all the right things and they are so young too. Of course they want to be picked, they are little and it is hard for them to understand why they haven't been.

🙄

I was asking if the op ever singled out one of her children for particular praise or a special treat for going above and beyond.

But you chose to see shadows 🤷‍♀️