"Star of the day"

[coverp]

What is the point?

You get one happy kid and 29 disappointed kids every day.

Back at school 12 days, 10 kids have had it (2 have had it twice), all girls.

DS asks every night what he has to do to get it. "I work hard, I listen, I put my hand up" - he's really upset. It's making the transition to Reception way harder than it would otherwise have been.

I'd sort of understand if it was being used to motivate some of the kids that find listening difficult, but that's clearly not the case here.

I'm really trying not to get wound up about it and I'm obviously not going to say anything to the teacher, but it's really starting to grind my gears. Anyone shed some light on what the point of it might be?

Who told you this?

I think sometimes we need to realise that young children, especially 4 year olds, may see things a little differently to what has actually happened in terms of their peers behaviour

My (autistic) DD is one of the fuckers who gets positive points for very minor things although we have not yet got a fishing trip and the promised SEN day trip never happened as the leader went off sick.

Honestly? I'd much rather she were a quiet, studious and well behaved girl who will do well in life without any fuss rather than constantly struggling to regulate like my DD does.

So thank your lucky stars and possibly your excellent parenting that your DD does not need the silly stars and meaningless house points as rewards.

I’m always astonished by the number of mumsnetters that seem to have quite very well behaved studious children that are overlooked by their teachers 😂

As a teacher, star of the day is a ridiculous practise.
It doesn't reach the children who need support with behaviour and those that get it regularly would behave that way regardless. It's hugely ableist and should have been left in the past with the bloody sad cloud, traffic lights systems and dojo points!

If a child in my class was feeling negatively about something I have in place, I would love a quick note from a their parent so I can keep it in mind and give the child a boost.
No teacher wants a child in their class to feel sad about something they have introduced with positive intentions.

There was a thread earlier with a parent complaining their child hadn't got class star of week- 2 weeks in, I think before the 2nd 'award' had been given and they were planning on writing to the head to complain about the teacher leaving their child out!

Former teacher here, if he still hasn't got it by Christmas and he's bothered by it, I do think it's worth a mention. Just say he's feeling upset and it's making him feel like he isn't being good. In the meantime explain that there are lots of kids being good and the teacher can't pick them all at the same time.
There are very few behaviour management tools allowed these days though so YABU for thinking it should be banned or got rid of.

I am guessing they are more likely to post on threads such as these.

And from my experience, the ‘well-behaved’ kids are greater in number anyway.

Get used to it OP. There’ll be star of the week or similar as they go through school. P.S Every child gets it.Some are easier to allocate and some you have to try to find something to praise.
I do agree with you. We use house-points and marble jars in class but still have a weekly celebration assembly that singles out one child from each class for an achievement. We always get parents asking when their child will get it . I’d rather do away with it. I remember my DC telling me when a ‘naughty’ child in their class got it and they were outraged! It’s standard stuff.

My kids’ schools always did it where everyone got the bear, award eventually.

These things are meaningless to adults but they can mean such a lot to young kids. Though maybe individual ‘private’ rewards and comments in the books is the way to go if it’s difficult for teachers to manage fairly.

@coverp my son is pretty average at school - he’s always well-behaved in class and does ok at his school work, so he never gets anything like this. Try to de-emphasise it to your boy, distract him when he talks about it (while acknowledging he feels sad) and instead emphasise how proud he should be of his good behaviour and hard work, and also how proud you are. I’ve read recently that kids develop a more positive mindset around work if they learn to do well so they’re proud of themselves than if they do it for external rewards (including praise).

At most schools it is rotation and does even out over the year. I’d be surprised if this doesn’t happen for you.

My DC have always really liked being star of the week (we get week not day). Even when they don’t get it they like telling me who got it that week.

I’m sure your son will get his star sooner or later.

Oh Jesus. Whilst I can imagine this, howwww many pointless and complaining emails must the school get every day?

I’m a terrible parent but when asked I tell my children my favourite is the best behaved one. It moves around quite frequently and can be for any number of things. Up and dressed first for school. Congratulations! Helped clean the car. You are the new favourite.

It’s not a big deal and is a bit of a joke generally but you will get a small treat. First to go on the computer or choose the snacks for movie night type stuff.

Email the teacher if concerned and they will make sure he gets one. It’s really not worth stressing over.

I think you are judging this too early. Much as I agree with token rewards or acknowledgement instead of only negative feedback to children.

As for any real or perceived unfairness, perhaps a lesson for life is not always fair is never too early to learn.

Yanbu, my son (bright, kind, studious) commented to me recently that some teachers at primary so clearly favoured the girls.

Secondary school has been so much better , he's got far more male teachers and is not feeling ignored and overlooked.

He plugs away at his work whatever, but he said it felt like some teachers just didn't really like boys.

This is a great opportunity to teach some resilience. Give it time, he's obviously not been picked for a reason

Just a word on the 'naughty' children getting rewards.

Obviously it's completely wrong if a school is overlooking most well-behaved children, not acknowledging them and they're always missing out. Staff using team points and house points as bribes so the disruptive children have hundreds and others have very few is wrong.

However it is reasonable for school staff to work with students based on their situations, so that means that one child will get rewarded for something that another child wouldn't. It's no different to one child achieving 80-90% in their maths each week and 70% being a low mark, Vs another child who finds maths very difficult, has struggled, has very low self esteem about numbers getting a maths star award one week because they got 70%. 70% for the second child is a huge achievement. 70% for the first isn't.

For behaviour that might mean that Child A does get a reward point for having a generally settled day but your child doesn't. What's the alternative, children who have additional struggles never get rewarded until they meet the same threshold as the non-SEN/neurotypical children/children with no trauma in their history just in case Tommy's Mummy and Daddy want to complain that the wrong'uns get something?

Our class has a whole class marble jar so it’s a team effort and individual chn can earn them for the class.

Star of the DAY sounds a bit much. When mine were at primary school each class had two stars of the week. Unfortunately it was usually the badly behaved kids that got it. All my child’s reports/parents evenings used to say what a brilliant example to the others of behaviour and contribution in class etc etc. He used to get upset that he could do so well for the entire week and almost never get the certificate but the consistently ‘naughty’ kids would do one small good thing amongst lots of bad behaviour and be rewarded for it. I used to explain to him that the teachers were trying to help those children who needed it and giving them star of the week was to motivate them, but to a young child it just seems unfair. So yes, these things are problematic.

OP I think you're going to have to toughen up about the many injustices that are star of the week/awards at school. You've got a long road ahead.

He needs to learn he won't always win, get the sticker, get the best role in the play. His time will come, it's been 3 weeks.

Absolutely hate shit like this, where did I mention SEN kids? That's right I didn't so don't project.
Doesn't matter if your child is autistic, why does that mean that kids that aren't should be overlooked just because they're 'lucky'?

Why are you astonished by this? In the majority of classes, there will be a majority of mostly well behaved, mostly academically average children. It’s hardly astonishing that their parents will be on mumsnet, is it? It’s not like posters on this thread are claiming they have geniuses who have been overlooked.

We have a little boy who get mine this. He's continually shouting out about the fact. He shouts out to say I'm sitting quietly etc ie not sitting quietly at. We keep explaining this in an age appropriate manner and ime the penny will eventually drop. I'm sure he goes home and tells his mum the same thing. Perhaps your ds isn't as angelic as you believe but it's way to early anyway at only a few days in. Most of the dc so far haven't had the award

My son has a very hard time concentrating (waiting for ADHD assessment) but behaves well and achieves age-related expectations academically. He might as well be invisible in school most of the time. But he’s not going to sail through life because he struggles to focus. And neither does he get those little rewards to make him feel valued in class. It’s not about NT vs ND, it’s about making every child feel like they’ve been noticed every so often.