"Star of the day"

[coverp]

What is the point?

You get one happy kid and 29 disappointed kids every day.

Back at school 12 days, 10 kids have had it (2 have had it twice), all girls.

DS asks every night what he has to do to get it. "I work hard, I listen, I put my hand up" - he's really upset. It's making the transition to Reception way harder than it would otherwise have been.

I'd sort of understand if it was being used to motivate some of the kids that find listening difficult, but that's clearly not the case here.

I'm really trying not to get wound up about it and I'm obviously not going to say anything to the teacher, but it's really starting to grind my gears. Anyone shed some light on what the point of it might be?

You didn't mention SEN kids. But a lot of kids who are badly behaved have got SEN or have other issues. One of my DD's equally badly behaved friends saw her dad's body as he had hung himself. How does a DC get over that? How does that trauma come out other than bad behaviour?

I'm not having a go and I don't mean to be snippy but honestly be grateful that you have a DC that does well of her own accord and doesn't need constantly geeing up with false positives etc.

Sometimes my DD has a shocking week with detentions, back to back negatives etc. Then she'll do something reasonably well in class and have a good day and get Pupil of the Week or some other bollox. It makes her happy and I'm sure other DCs do that same thing well all the time but they don't find it hard. But my DD does.

Im just trying to get across - perhaps badly - that you and others on this thread shouldn't get upset because your DCs don't get constant praise at school. I wish my DD was like yours!

I said this to my son when children were behaving appallingly and then being rewarded when they behaved slightly better.

He rightly pointed out that he never behaved badly despite going through all sorts of trauma and loss.

Quiet children deserve attention too and trotting out stuff about life being unfair /resilience etc is shit when the solution is that teachers should reflect more on their internal bias

My DD is a well behaved, hard working and fairly quiet girl so often gets overlooked for stuff like this. She came home yesterday with a little certificate that said
Congratulations Oystergirl for being an excellent role model to your peers and always putting 100% into your learning.
She was very pleased. These things do tend to get picked up on eventually.

But so many are deprived of “stars” 😂

It’s heartbreaking

But it’s a self selecting discussion, not a comprehensive survey of primary school children 😂🤦‍♀️

Are you implying posters are lying? About what? Why would we bother? Is it really so difficult for you to accept that there are many children who behave well, are academically average or above average and rarely get noticed in class? And that their parents might be likely to post on a thread about that very topic?!

I believe that all these parent of quiet and studious children who are overlooked throughout their school years in favour of the “naughty attention seeking kids”… well I’m curious, who’s telling them all this?

I always say to my similar aged child, wow that's great! Did you clap them?

Great opportunity for children to learn to be happy for others and take pleasure in their success.

And my heart isn’t broken by it - my son is a happy little boy most of the time, pleased when he does well or gets praise, but has never been upset about not getting star of the week. It doesn’t mean I haven’t noticed it, even if it’s not causing us any heartache. I’m surprised you can’t seem to see that some children would be upset though, and that you think their distress is amusing.

In your example - it’s you that seems upset. Not your son.

Do you believe parents live in a bubble?

I am a parent

I’m looking around me

Nope, no bubble

but it could be a really big one and I don’t know I’m in it perhaps

Err, the teachers at parents evening, their classmates when they come for tea, my friend who is a TA at the school, the fact they have never been in trouble ... it's fairly easy to know

@lapsedbookworm well done to your DS. He sounds great. Unfortunately perhaps other DCs are not as resilient or positive in character. But they are still DCs worthy of a teacher's attention and effort. Your DS perhaps doesn't need as much input as a DC who is less resilient? And that's good for him.

But just because your DC is a better person than other DCs, it doesn't make him more worthy of attention outside of your household or that attention should be given to him over DCs that need it more in the school environment.

In my child’s case - 7 years of primary school reports and parents evenings telling us what a great kid he is. 7 years of the weekly school newsletter with a list of who received star of the week - most parents are well aware of who the disruptive kids are.

Huh?

who’s telling you about all these children getting stars that are distributive and naughty? Your children and their friend basically

I’m not doubting your kids are quiet and studious!!!

I am doubting that the kids that always get the stars are pretty much always disruptive and naughty. You child isn’t getting it. And giving you their view why not

Which might be slightly subjective

THisbackwithavengeance
I agree with you. It's completely wrong if whole systems are running where hard working children are always overlooked, but it's never wrong to acknowledge that children are all different, have different backgrounds, experiences and ways of processing their various experiences.

If a child comes home and says "but so and so got a sticker for sitting down and my DC didn't. My DC always sits down and says it's unfair".
Our kids look to us for how to respond. If we jump to 'how unfair, you're right, the naughty children always get everything' then that's what the children learn. If we say "everyone is different. Sitting down might be a big achievement for so and so." and then get into a broader discussion about whether DC is being acknowledged in other ways, then they'll learn that everyone has different experiences. If they still feel really overlooked we can call the school and talk about how our child is feeling without getting into what's going on with other children.

edit a child comes home and says "but so and so got a sticker for sitting down and I didn't. I always sit down and it's unfair".

There are plenty of kids out there who have to try incredibly hard to behave in school yet they never get rewarded, that's what people are trying to say.

No, you need to work on your comprehension skills

No star for me 😞

I absolutely have those conversations with my children about why some children find it harder.

Doesn't mean that we can't have a discussion as adults on here about the pitfalls of constantly rewarding the badly behaved children and overlooking the well behaved children