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AIBU?

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Original poster

"Star of the day"

150 replies

coverp · 23/09/2023 06:48

What is the point?

You get one happy kid and 29 disappointed kids every day.

Back at school 12 days, 10 kids have had it (2 have had it twice), all girls.

DS asks every night what he has to do to get it. "I work hard, I listen, I put my hand up" - he's really upset. It's making the transition to Reception way harder than it would otherwise have been.

I'd sort of understand if it was being used to motivate some of the kids that find listening difficult, but that's clearly not the case here.

I'm really trying not to get wound up about it and I'm obviously not going to say anything to the teacher, but it's really starting to grind my gears. Anyone shed some light on what the point of it might be?

OP posts:
Youspoilus · 23/09/2023 07:12

I wasn’t implying he was disappointed because he was a single child! 😂

mustrest · 23/09/2023 07:13

I chose to see what was written

Original poster
coverp · 23/09/2023 07:13

@Snowonthebeachx I probably wouldn't say anything at any point tbh, they've got enough to be dealing with I'm sure. I just could have done without the upset during his first weeks at school, although it it wasn't this, maybe it would have been something else.

OP posts:
OddBoots · 23/09/2023 07:14

It does seem there may be some unconscious bias if all 12 days have been girls (assuming the class is broadly 50/50), it doesn't seem unreasonable to be raising an eyebrow at that.

Youspoilus · 23/09/2023 07:15

What about a home made star of the day badge to say how proud of him for starting school? And then he will inevitably get the school one.

My Dd was the first to get

my son… I think they basically scraped the barrel to find a reason to give him in the last week of the last term of reception!

Snowonthebeachx · 23/09/2023 07:16

He will probably get one next week or the week after.
If he is having problems settling do chat to the teacher though.

Youspoilus · 23/09/2023 07:16

OddBoots · 23/09/2023 07:14

It does seem there may be some unconscious bias if all 12 days have been girls (assuming the class is broadly 50/50), it doesn't seem unreasonable to be raising an eyebrow at that.

It seems the teacher is a bit thick really.

Even if a reception teacher did favour girls (really?), she’d surely have the sense to realise the optics look a bit shite

itsmyp4rty · 23/09/2023 07:20

I remember going round to another child's house and he had 5 star of the week certificates on the fridge - ds had had 1 as had most of the other kids I was aware of. It is often the badly behaved children or children with SEN that get most of them and the teachers are oblivious to the quiet kids who just get on with it (and I say that as a mum of one with SEN). Don't expect much to change though, it's well known that the kids in the middle are often overlooked in schools. I don't think adults realise what a big deal star of the week is for kids and that it can be really demoralising to see other kids keep getting it and not them.

GU24Mum · 23/09/2023 07:21

I'm not a huge fan of them as a system especially as some teachers seem really bad at realising that 3 children. i'm a class never get it. On the plus side, the stakes are much less on a daily system and it should be easier for teachers to check they dont miss people out. Doing it weekly is really tough on the ones (usually the pretty good but not exceptional and not naughty ones) who get to the end of June and still haven't had it.

One of mine had a year with a system like this, not helped by having a pre-Christmas thing where 24 of the 30 got a special mention but "there wasn't enough" for the other 6...

One of my others had a completely system where they had various jobs (putting the daily weather symbols on the board etc) on a strict rotation so you knew you were after x and before y. Much easier.

watcherintherye · 23/09/2023 07:24

SpainHoliday · 23/09/2023 06:53

It's about behaviour control. You can guarantee that if a child is always well behaved, they are likely to rarely be awarded star of the day. If naughty however, on the few days they behave, a star of the day award is a guaranteed shoe in!

House points were the same. One ‘spirited’ boy (who was also best friends with my ds!) sometimes got a housepoint for not doing anything disruptive in the morning, and then another one for not doing anything disruptive in the afternoon!

Sux2buthen · 23/09/2023 07:26

We have two per week from each class to ensure everyone gets their moment.

Rulesrules · 23/09/2023 07:27

Our primary at that age use to have a bear on a Friday that they'd bring home and write about what they'd done with it etc. It would be awarded for good behaviour etc. My ds school was in a tiny school, think 14 children ish in class. I don't think he got it until summer term when some kids had it multiple times. I know it's cringy but I did say something to TA and sgw basically said it's used alot for kids who's behaviour isn't good but she understood. Ds got the bear the week I asked! 🙄

Passepartoute · 23/09/2023 07:33

Snowonthebeachx · 23/09/2023 07:09

If it gets to Christmas and he's not got one and every other child has had it then maybe you can say something.

But it's 3 weeks in! I'm sure they are doing it on a semi rotation but sometimes children do something great on one particular day. Just tell him you are sure he will get it. It's not been his turn yet.
He will be at school for 14 years. There will be lots of things like this!

Some schools are moving away from giving overt praise and rewards but having taught in one it is pretty depressing for the kids!

It doesn't sound as if they are doing it on any sort of rotation if only girls have won it so far and two have won it twice.

DIYandEatCake · 23/09/2023 07:42

As the parent of a very quiet, well-behaved child who was average at school work, I totally agree with you - she would try her hardest to get ‘star of the week’ (only one a week in her class) but never got noticed.
I preferred the reward system when I was at school - if you did some great work/made an amazing effort, you got a special sticker in your workbook and a nice comment from the teacher. The stickers weren’t given out easily - just for really special effort. We never knew or cared who else got a sticker unless they sat next to us - but were over the moon if we got one. No comparing or counting house points or star of the day or attendance awards or golden pencils or pen licences (you have all of this to come!) - it’s all so public and OTT now. My daughter spent most of the year upset every Friday.. I did say something when it got towards the end of the year and still no ‘star of the week’ and they gave her one that week for ‘good sitting’ ffs (she had worked really hard on her writing and maths all year, but no, sitting quietly - her natural state - was what they chose).

Sprogonthetyne · 23/09/2023 07:49

Something says "look how wonderful Jessica's quite listening is" is a kinder way of saying "Ben will you shut up and stop shouting out"

NowWhattt · 23/09/2023 07:58

I agree with you. We have a weekly certificate in our school. Last year, for the whole year , numerous children received it multiple times. My son never received it once.
The teacher clearly disliked my son immensely and left him out of everything. I mean everything and I won’t elaborate as too outing.
I’m not exaggerating either.
Husband and I contemplated going to the head about it a lot but I didn’t want to make matters worse for our son so we left it.
Now I could kick myself and feel like I have let him down.
It’s never happened to him in previous years- more the contrary and the teachers and TAs have openly adored him and told us just as much.
He knows though what she did to him and I blame myself for not speaking up but I knew the head would back her staff .

Lesson learnt for me and I won’t let that ever happen again.

BluebellsForest · 23/09/2023 08:00

coverp · 23/09/2023 07:13

@Snowonthebeachx I probably wouldn't say anything at any point tbh, they've got enough to be dealing with I'm sure. I just could have done without the upset during his first weeks at school, although it it wasn't this, maybe it would have been something else.

They've got a lot on, but your DS has also got a lot to deal with in his first weeks in Reception. It can be a 2 minute chat to make them aware of the effect. I guess you don't want to be 'that mum', but bless him, it's unnecessary stress. (Ex TA)

Bbq1 · 23/09/2023 08:15

Throughout the whole of his time in Primary, my ds received 2 certificates as Star Of The Week. He never mentioned it, wasn't bothered by it but I used to wonder about the fairness of the system. I guess it makes those certificates extra special though. In Primary school, I believe star awards should be on a mostly rotational system unless a child does something outstanding. I work in a school for children/yp with Sen. We celebrate all of the children's achievements all of the time but we do also have Star of the week awards for each class. There are no set rules so it could be anywhere from 2 children in the class receiving a certificate to all of the class. Our certificates can be something as small as trying a new food or drink but it's a big achievement for that child. On the whole, the pupils absolutely love getting the award. All child do.

TankFlyBoss · 23/09/2023 08:20

My children's school do hot chocolate and biscuit Friday. I think it's stupid. Why do we have to reward them with a load of sugar? Does the head teacher pick her favourite teacher that week for hot chocolate and biscuits?

There are quite a few kids in the school belonging to teachers, TAs and teachers parents. It's like bingo watching them all popping up for hot chocolate Friday in the first term of the year. It's even funnier that over the summer a plaque appeared in the hall with engraved names of some sort of award cup given to a member of year 6 every year. Why wouldn't that cup be given to the chair of governors daughter?

God it felt good writing this. Stupid school Wink

HobbiddoH · 23/09/2023 08:20

Yes we have the consistently well behaved children never win, and the obnoxious one that’s not shouted out all day win, or the aggressive one who has managed to not hit anyone all day.

Pandora55 · 23/09/2023 08:20

SpainHoliday · 23/09/2023 06:53

It's about behaviour control. You can guarantee that if a child is always well behaved, they are likely to rarely be awarded star of the day. If naughty however, on the few days they behave, a star of the day award is a guaranteed shoe in!

This!

My dd school did a star of the week. She didn't win it even once in the whole time she was there, from reception till she left in year six. Because she was a very quiet and well behaved average student. Tbf she didn't give a crap

Bbq1 · 23/09/2023 08:20

OddBoots · 23/09/2023 07:14

It does seem there may be some unconscious bias if all 12 days have been girls (assuming the class is broadly 50/50), it doesn't seem unreasonable to be raising an eyebrow at that.

It happened at my son's Secondary school. Every rep chosen, every pupil chosen to represent the school was almost invariably a girl. It was so unfair. If you looked at a newsletter, you would have been forgiven for thinking it was a girls school . It's not.

CrapBucket · 23/09/2023 08:24

It’s a really stupid concept. They might as well have Lucky Dip Child of the Week who gets a bit of praise for being themselves and gets a new pencil or whatever. Then they all know it’s fair. Currently it pretends to be about behaviour and it’s not as straightforward as that, so it disengages the kids who do follow the rules.

reesewithoutaspoon · 23/09/2023 08:27

I remember those days and can't believe they are still doing it. 4/5 year olds don't have the emotional capacity to understand its being used to control behaviour, they just feel incredibly hurt and confused that they are trying hard and being good and yet they don't win a star, but the child who doesn't do well or misbehaves does get one. All it teaches them is being good isn't rewarded

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 23/09/2023 08:35

If you have a quiet hard working child then I suggest you get used to this. My oldest is now in high school and this same shit goes on with positive behaviour points, she hardly gets any despite working hard-backed by teacher feedback and positive ATL's. The kids that are fuckers get loads and also get treated to fishing trips etc if they manage to behave for a few days 🙄 It's an absolute joke.