To want to be called by my name?

[Pennypringle]

My name can be shortened, think Jessica/Jess Joanne/Jo but I never shorten it. None of my friends or family or Co workers shorten it. If someone does I tell them I prefer my actual name not a shortened version.
My FHs parents keep shortening it despite me telling them not to over and over again, which I absolutely hate.
To make things worse his ex wife has a similar name it can be shortened to the same as a shortened version of mine. She goes by the shortened version. I don't. ( I have no problem with his ex wife but I'm not her! )
My FH has been divorced for 5 years and we've been together for 4.
It's getting to a point where I don't want to visit them, where I'm getting cross with my FH for not putting a stop to it. We are due to get married in 2025, I don't want to be called his ex wives name at my wedding or in a card.
I think it's rude call someone a name they haven't chosen. If someone introduced themselves as Thomas I'd call them Thomas. If they introduced themselves as Tom I'd call them Tom.
Aibu?

But if someone repeatedly tells you that they don’t like it, you’re achieving the opposite.

Quite honestly they probably forget. I have to stop and think each time when talking about my brother’s second wife because the pattern of “Peter and Jane” was so ingrained for years that “Peter and Mary” hasn’t stuck and we now live too far apart for regular contact to have made it a habit.

If they almost never see you, as you describe, does it really matter?

Things only annoy you if you let them. DH’s gran got my name wrong for 15 years, it wasn’t worth the hassle.

Also, culturally a lot of people shorten names as a matter of course. The Scouse side of our extended family are seemingly incapable of using a full name for anyone.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Completely agree with you.

My DH has a name like Thomas and constantly gets called Tom or Tommy. He introduces himself as Thomas FashYersel and immediately people jump to Tom or Tommy. He will correct them once or twice and after that just grits his teeth.

Its not affectionate - it mostly occurs with people he has just met or doesn't know well. People who know him, know his name is Thomas.

Its so rude.

It happens a little bit with my name which can be shortened and spelt in different ways. I find it bizarre when people correctly type my email address and then write Dear Dinnae with a completely different spelling.

I think I’d be inclined to say, politely, next time they call you the shortened version “Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you - why do you always call me Jess? That isn’t my name.” This requires an actual answer.

I'd stop saying they're shortening your name, that's minimising it, which is what they want to do to get out of being pulled up on it. They're calling you his ex wife's name. I'd call it that every time. 'nope, wrong wife again!'

It's no different to calling you Mary when your name is Sarah, when the ex is called Mary. It's definitely coming across as some weird power play.

They just think they can get away with it because it's an accepted shortening of your name. Your fiance needs to have a serious talk with them, not a light chat, but properly tell them they need to stop. No ifs or buts. Doesn't matter if it's an accident or on purpose - they're calling you his ex wife's name and it makes you very upset and visiting them is very uncomfortable because of it.

People who are saying OP is being precious has obviously never had this happened to them. I get this ALL the time and it's so f*cking annoying. My name is something like "Kathy" and people keep turning it into "Katie" .... basically turning my name into a totally different version of itself and it drives me nuts. My MIL struggled to get it right for years as well. She still uses the other version of my bame when talking about me to my husband (I often overhear the conversation) but at least she uses my preferred version when speaking directly to me...

@Jasmine222 - as I said in my post, DH’s gran did it to me for years. The trick is not caring.

It’s only annoying if you let it be. Mark it down as a foible, and it’s easy not to mind.

Future husband

They are being rude/inconsiderate but as you see them so little I think you’re also being a bit precious about it.
Is this really the hill you wanna die on?
I’d talk to DP and ask him to have a word with them. If he won’t you have bigger issues.

Are we just making up abbreviations now? 😮

(I don't know what FH means)

@BillyNotQuiteNoMates re the FH, me too!

My mother consistently called my (and my siblings') partners by the name of the previous one. She seemed to only remember I was dating Dick (who she always called Tom) once I moved on to Harry. She did develop early onset dementia.
In general though, misnaming someone is disrespectful and your fiance should remind his parents. Otherwise people at your wedding are going to think he's the one too lazy to learn another wife's name

Future husband I think.

I’m guessing that here it means ‘Future Husband’, that’s all that made sense to me.

Future husband I think.

do not respond.

my Name is common and has many shortened versions.

i do not answer to them.

this roots more in elementary there being kids with those actual names than me just being stubborn, but I works really well.

why would you call me that? That is not my name. It’s a nickname - it’s not my nickname.

especially as it’s his ex’s name. I’d suspect it’s deliberate and done not in innocence but with malicious intent.

An elderly lady I knew had a granddaughter that transitioned to be her grandson. She tried very hard to get his name right - it was a slightly different version than his previous name. Sometimes she would get it wrong but would correct herself. She was in her 90s. It's not because they're old.

It's your partners job to tell them. They're his parents.

Would you like it if people called you by a name that isn't yours?

My name can be shortened multiple ways. I have relatives who shorten it in a way I don’t like, but I interact with these people like twice a year. It’s not worth the agro (so long as they treat OP well generally. If this is part of a campaign against her Ofc that alters things)

At least it's close. I have been married 14 years and my MIL still calls me the name of my husbands ex. Wouldn't mind but they weren't even married and were together 10 years. I actually pulled her up on it a few weeks ago!

I absolutely feel you, cannot stand how it is made to feel that you are being unreasonable to want to be called by your ACTUAL name. I'm not an annoying fly called Nat, use my fucking name!!
I may or may not have actually lost my shit at the over familiar DPD driver that said 'thanks Nat'...

Ahhh and the classic "wish that was all I had to worry about" as if people aren't allowed to have concerns or problems that aren't live destroying, or even that they can't have huge problems because they have posted about a minor one.
At the end of the day it's not her name. Just because you're happy to be called by a shortened version of your name doesn't mean it's not a thing for others to not want. Just like you probably don't want to be be called bob constantly, because it's not your name

I do this, not out of spite I just do it automatically. Like izzy for isabel. I try and remember to get it correct if doing anything formal like a speech. But don't really understand why it bothers you so much, did you never get a nickname at school? What did you do about it? Just seems a bit ridiculous to get wound up to that extent.

@Doone22 I have a 4 syllable name. It has never been shortened. Not at school, at home or at work, only by my MIL, once.

You have no business to call Isabel Izzy more than once if you are asked not to. Unless of course you have intellectual limitations.