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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell teacher about this

107 replies

Worriedeve · 21/09/2023 19:28

I really think my daughter has started behaving badly since she got in with the wrong 2 girls at school (y6). I’ve noticed a change in her behaviour that is quite bad! (Answering back, interested in makeup/short skirts) The girls she hangs out with are very much like this. Aibu to speak to teacher? Could she do anything?

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedeve · 21/09/2023 19:33

It’s just I feel this is way too young!

OP posts:
NorthStarRising · 21/09/2023 19:35

What do you want the teacher to do? 😂
It’s your daughter, tell her you disapprove of her choices and want her to remain uninterested in short skirts and make up. That should sort out the problem.

Johnnylewis · 21/09/2023 19:36

She's a preteen, answering back and an interest in makeup are quite normal. They do seem to grow up quite suddenly around y6/7 and it can be a bit of a shock.

cansu · 21/09/2023 19:41

I don't think I would expect the teacher to do more than enforce rules and expectations. You can say that you think her behaviour is concerning. Encourage activities outside of school, monitor her internet access and stay calm. She is entering her pre teen years and this is where some kids start becoming more challenging. If you are concerned it will spill over into her education, ask for her to be seated away from her friends during class time. The teacher may well do this anyway.

yelloworchids · 21/09/2023 19:42

The teacher can’t do anything! Teachers cannot stop some children talking to / being around others!
and it may not solely be the other girls, your DD is growing up too! It all sounds pretty normal to me.
tell your DD that answering back isn’t okay, and teach her that a little bit of lip gloss is more than enough at her age, letting her wear some might stop her wanting lots! I bought my DD a clear Vaseline type thing that looked like a lipgloss and she’s happy!

Original poster
Worriedeve · 21/09/2023 20:18

@yelloworchids
my neighbour said when she asked her kindly to close the gate she gave her a look that would kill 😩

OP posts:
Hufflepods · 21/09/2023 20:19

It’s your daughter! You can’t expect the teacher to parent on your behalf.

StaySpicy · 21/09/2023 20:21

I'm sure the teacher would already speak to your DD if she was answering back at school or wearing make-up that's against the uniform policy.

I'm not sure what you expect the teacher to do beyond that.

Original poster
Worriedeve · 21/09/2023 20:22

The thing is she’s good as gold at school this is outside school!!!

OP posts:
Hufflepods · 21/09/2023 20:24

The thing is she’s good as gold at school this is outside school!!!

So why would you think it’s her teacher’s responsibility?

Mdlepai · 21/09/2023 20:24

Parent your own child

HerMammy · 21/09/2023 20:28

Oh dear, have you had a very sheltered life? did you not expect her to grow up?
There'll be lots more looks that could
kill 🤣

Johnnylewis · 21/09/2023 20:29

Worriedeve · 21/09/2023 20:22

The thing is she’s good as gold at school this is outside school!!!

So why do you want to involve the school

AliOlis · 21/09/2023 20:30

Worriedeve · 21/09/2023 20:22

The thing is she’s good as gold at school this is outside school!!!

So why would the teacher step in?!

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 21/09/2023 20:32
  1. Skirts and makeup are not behavioural issues.

2.Unless she acts up at school when with these two girls, it's not the teacher's business or job to police their friendship.

  1. Give consequences when needed, pick your battles and accept your daughter is growing up.
Glorifried · 21/09/2023 20:32

tell her you disapprove of her choices and want her to remain uninterested in short skirts and make up. That should sort out the problem.

😂😂😂

Anotherrname · 21/09/2023 20:33

How is she getting hold of makeup? I think 10 years old is too young. Secondary school is normal as teens get spots and want to wear concealer. Just don't buy her makeup or short skirts.

Perfect28 · 21/09/2023 20:34

You are her parent. Teachers are there to teach.

Oooooooooooo1 · 21/09/2023 20:38

Mdlepai · 21/09/2023 20:24

Parent your own child

Agree 100%
Stop blaming other children for something you don't like happening with your child
Teachers are there to educate, not to do a job you are too lazy to do @Worriedeve

Georgeandzippyzoo · 21/09/2023 20:43

Totally normal behaviour for y6 girls (boys have their own version).

Part of it, I believe, is the big fish in a little pond scenario, and Mean Girls start to kick.in!

GuardiansPlayList · 21/09/2023 20:44

This is your responsibility to deal with OP.

Coyoacan · 21/09/2023 20:47

Interesting that you think your dd is not responsible for her own behaviour and that you are not responsible for parenting her

ThrallsWife · 21/09/2023 21:08

The child being "good as gold in school" suggests that school is not the issue. Therefore, school cannot and will not intervene.

Please leave the teacher alone with this; they have enough on their plate without being asked to deal with social issues.

Original poster
Worriedeve · 23/09/2023 19:29

But it is clearly the crowd she hangs out with at school!

OP posts:
MagentaRocks · 23/09/2023 19:30

Totally a parenting issue. The teacher does not have time to police friendships at school. You need to deal with this yourself.

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