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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell teacher about this

107 replies

Worriedeve · 21/09/2023 19:28

I really think my daughter has started behaving badly since she got in with the wrong 2 girls at school (y6). I’ve noticed a change in her behaviour that is quite bad! (Answering back, interested in makeup/short skirts) The girls she hangs out with are very much like this. Aibu to speak to teacher? Could she do anything?

OP posts:
ButWhatAboutTheBees · 23/09/2023 22:42

Moving her away in class might only make her play up in class...

Maybe the issue is you see make up and short skirts as some kind of deviant behaviour?

And if your son was into make up and short skirts at this age then it would be a separate "issue". He will have gone into his teenage years with issues too

MoiraRosesBaybay · 23/09/2023 23:38

Teachers on MN: we are on our knees. Today I’ve been spat at, called a cunt and we’ve got OFSTED in. Also there is no funding or staff, I’m buying my own pritt-sticks.

Parents: my child is wearing lipstick. What are you going to do about it!

Harrysarseinthedogbowl · 23/09/2023 23:55

Your child is developing a personality. This is normal.

Dolores87 · 23/09/2023 23:57

I am really confused as to why you think a girl in year 6 liking make up and short skirts is bad behaviour 🙃

wafflingworrier · 24/09/2023 08:24

MoiraRosesBaybay · 23/09/2023 23:38

Teachers on MN: we are on our knees. Today I’ve been spat at, called a cunt and we’ve got OFSTED in. Also there is no funding or staff, I’m buying my own pritt-sticks.

Parents: my child is wearing lipstick. What are you going to do about it!

💐sending solidarity from teacher to another.

Mummy08m · 24/09/2023 08:31

Op what measures have you tried yourself? Eg have you spoken to your dd about any of these issues that you're concerned about, how did the conversation go?

Which things are you willing to let slide (eg the short skirt) and which, for you, are non-negotiable?

Original poster
Worriedeve · 24/09/2023 19:52

She starts screaming at me when I try to talk to her. I of course then take away her devices for a day or two. At her age it’s all a no from me! I didn’t wear makeup until I was 16 and certainly never dared answer back!

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedeve · 24/09/2023 20:20

@Mummy08m

OP posts:
MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 24/09/2023 20:32

She's your kid, not the schools

This is NOTHING to do with her school

Doesn't have to have the same rules you did...

Original poster
Worriedeve · 24/09/2023 20:37

But the problem is at school. The type of kids and crowd she’s with!

OP posts:
MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 24/09/2023 20:38

Yeah, other pupils

You have no say over them. None at all

What is it you actually want?

HerMammy · 24/09/2023 20:44

After all the comments saying your DDs behaviour is not the schools responsibility and her you are still bleating but it's the school.
Her behaviour has changed as she's growing up, did you expect her never to change or challenge you? You can't be this stick or naive🙄

paulinewalnuts · 24/09/2023 20:45

Argh.

ZolaBudd · 24/09/2023 20:48

I’m a teacher, we get people ringing up about shit like this all the time. What can we do?

Slaterz · 24/09/2023 20:48

Op you need to deal with your DD. What you're doing isn't working.

Margaretlistens · 24/09/2023 20:56

Worriedeve · 23/09/2023 19:29

But it is clearly the crowd she hangs out with at school!

Your child will be hanging around with other children that she has the most in common with. I expect she has the same interests as they do and so they are all enjoying talking about and exploring wearing short skirts and make up.

Alwaysanotherwine · 24/09/2023 21:01

This is a wind up

no parent is this delusional

op you are off your head

parent your child

stop blaming school, teachers are not there to control who hangs with who

incidentally their behaviour is normal so no issue for them to act on

reallyunderstandsometimes · 24/09/2023 21:03

Worriedeve · 21/09/2023 20:18

@yelloworchids
my neighbour said when she asked her kindly to close the gate she gave her a look that would kill 😩

I hope you told her to apologise to the neighbour?

Tribevibes · 24/09/2023 21:03

no you have to parent. Also my DD is in year 7 and has never behaved like that. It’s not normal.

Original poster
Worriedeve · 24/09/2023 21:12

@Tribevibes most posters on here seem to think this behaviour IS normal.

OP posts:
SparkyBlue · 24/09/2023 21:13

Regarding the make up I have a ten year old and herself and her friends are gone make up and fashion obsessed including buying cheap stick on nails in primark during the holidays. It's all a bit of fun for them and there is no harm in them sitting in their bedrooms practicing and giggling so I'd personally pick my battles. I've found also that around this age there seems to be a shift in friendships as they develop different interests. If they aren't causing trouble in school then the school can't really do anything.

MyShmoo · 24/09/2023 21:16

Love that your essentially slut shaming other y6 CHILDREN for apparently starting to be interested in makeup and short skirts....
Short skirts and an interest in makeup do not automatically equal bad behaviour 🤷

Parent your own rude child before you start judging other children. YOUR child was rude to your neighbour, YOUR child is starting to answer back to you. It is not the other children forcing her to do this.

ilovesooty · 24/09/2023 21:30

I can't believe you still think the other girls are at fault, your daughter is blameless, you have no responsibility to parent your child and stuff like this is something teachers should be dealing with.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 24/09/2023 21:39

Worriedeve · 24/09/2023 19:52

She starts screaming at me when I try to talk to her. I of course then take away her devices for a day or two. At her age it’s all a no from me! I didn’t wear makeup until I was 16 and certainly never dared answer back!

And therein lies the issue
YOU didn't wear make up until 16 (which is quite late tbh), probably because your own mom was very strict with you
So you are putting the same expectations on her despite it being somewhat unreasonable

I also suspect that rather than actually trying to talk to her about this you are projecting your problems with it on to her.

So instead of "Hey DD. I notice you're into make up now. Why don't we get you some lipstick and nail varnish for the weekends/holidays and let's experiment together"
You're like "hey DD HOW DARE YOU WANT TO WEAR MAKE UP. I'm disappointed and disgusted. "

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 24/09/2023 21:40

Worriedeve · 24/09/2023 21:12

@Tribevibes most posters on here seem to think this behaviour IS normal.

Skirts , makeup and some back chat are normal. Screaming at you when you talk to her isn't. But then again i guess it depends on HOW you talk to her.

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