Would you go on business trips with 1 and 3 year olds at home ?

[carfreedom]

I've had to go a few times now. I work exclusively from home, as my company has not HQ in the UK.

I have had to go away a couple of time and it's pretty difficult to leave my kids. They're unsettled and we need a lot of help when I go away. My husband's job is full on and so usually I do everything child related. Night wakings, drop offs, pick ups, all meals, uniform. Just everything. I sleep with them too ( especially 1 year old ).

When I leave it's difficult. The trips are increasing and it's really such a massive deal to leave that I don't know what to do. I want to keep my job and I want to show my commitment. But I didn't think I would need to travel as much and because of our set up, it's all extra difficult.

This isn't about whether my husband could do more. It's just very very difficult at the moment as he runs his own business and he needs to be present, so he can't take much time away from it at the moment.

I have to go abroad for the trips. It's really tiring, as soon as I get home, I am back in mum mode and responsible again, when actually- I would like to rest from the journey. Winter is also coming up, my kids will be sick and I am just not loving the thought of going away.

I've gone away three times and I've got two more times coming up before Christmas - that's quite a lot isn't it ?

I don't want to say I don't want to go as it will make me look uncommitted. Everyone else works from the office and are local to the HQ. I'm the only one far away. It's a tough situation !

I am a mother and I would, and have.

I totally agree with @theduchessofspork

And OP, meant gently, controlled crying needs to be done consistently if done. If you try it some times and not others it’s going to make things worse not better. I’m so sorry to say that. And TBH I think just do whatever works for you right now.

Is DH's business earning enough money to compensate all the tiptoeing?

You don't have a commute (hour of time for yourself), but you overcompensate by covering the school run, sorting everything around children and more.

I would keep your traveling job, leave your DH to sort the children for a few days from time to time and learn to enjoy the time out of the family.
Your DH needs to learn to deal with DCs sleeping while you are home, not keep you looped in just to get a suggestion about lullabies - he can take notes before you leave.

The sleep is one piece but your update is kinda crazy...

Anyway I also wanted do be able to give advice on what to do to calm them down. So I was texting my husband during the screaming suggesting putting on lullabies and getting them both some milk to drink to calm them down etc. I know it's wrong.

It's not "wrong" per se but you do need to acknowledge you are making choices that make your life so much harder. I just don't believe your husband can't work out that milk and calming sounds get babies to sleep.
If that's what you want... fine crack on.

My DH does not do things "my way," but my policy has always been unless it's actually dangerous (eg car seat not fitted properly, baby is at risk of falling etc) I shut my mouth and say nothing. So when his action X leads to mess /inconvenience Y he gets to also deal with that mess/inconvenience and I don't carry any of it in my brain anymore.

My good friend does everything at home. 2 yr old sleeps horribly as she cosleeps the baby only wants her yadda yadda EXCEPT now her DH is doing more stuff and it's clear she doesn't like it from her inferences and undertones. He doesn't do x y and z "right" their child "can't" be sleep trained (!?!) And she interfere if he does night settling as "he doesn't know what to do"

I've given up and concluded on some level she gets a lot out of the status quo as she works so hard to maintain it.

When I complain he says stuff like ' well it is what it is for now, what can we do. We just have to get on with it.'

That’s easy for him to say but “we” aren’t just getting on with it, you are. You’re doing everything to facilitate family life whether you’re physically present or not. He needs to learn how to care for his kids, how to manage disrupted sleep, how to settle them. It’s ridiculous that you’re lying awake listening to your child cry for you when he’s right there and able to comfort and calm them.

With the greatest of respect you need to take a step back and let him pick up the slack. You both have demanding jobs but you’re busy protecting him at great expense to your own health and well-being.

Sleep consultant. Start there. Once the sleep is sorted you will start to feel more human.

Id also reconsider the nanny. A good one will take the DC out to groups etc every day. Find one who can work till 6pm. If the nanny can feed your DC, do their washing and keep their things tidy plus you don’t need to travel to nursery you will have more time.

Your DH also needs to step up. You should be taking turns having 3 hours to yourselves on the weekends to recharge and feel like a person again.

I would keep the career. It’s the other things that will transform your life not a career change