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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you wish parents Happy Anniversary

114 replies

BumbleBee75 · 21/09/2023 11:51

So my Dad passed a few years ago now.

Text Mum today as usual asking how she is etc and she goes on to say how she 'managed to get through the day yesterday as it was their Wedding Anniversary'. She said friends had taken her out to try and take her mind off it.

She is a bit melodramatic, always has been, but am I heartless? Do you generally take note of your parents wedding anniversary (or
anyone else's for that matter)

I lost my first husband 19 years ago and nobody has ever text or called me on our wedding anniversary.

Should I have remembered this/called or am I a horrible heartless daughter?

OP posts:
TheNameIsDickDarlington · 21/09/2023 11:56

I have no idea at all when my parents got married. Don't think I was ever aware.

My mums second wedding I know was in August as I was there and I remember that it was in the summer holidays but I wouldn't know the exact date.

I also don't expect anyone to remember my wedding anniversary (except for my husband obviously).

takealettermsjones · 21/09/2023 12:00

I don't think it's unusual that you don't know your parents' anniversary, but I think (kindly) you sound a little bit mean calling her melodramatic; I imagine it would be quite a difficult day. I'm sorry for your loss.

Choice4567 · 21/09/2023 12:03

I send a card on my parents anniversary. But only because about 10 years ago my mum made some very pointed remarks about how she expected it to be acknowledged by her children

Lulubo1 · 21/09/2023 12:05

I feel like the odd one out. I have family members and friends wedding anniversaries on the kitchen calendar. They get cards/texts (some live abroad). My parents get a card and a present every year.

Frickinghell · 21/09/2023 12:07

No, absolutely not

Oneearringlost · 21/09/2023 12:10

I remember, as a young teen, that I bought a wedding anniversary card for my parents.
My mother was emphatic that, whilst she was touched by the gesture, I had absolutely NO part in having to remember their wedding anniversary; that it was something for just her and my father to remember.
I think parents and inlaws may like to send their children a wedding anniversary card but that's probably as far as it should go.

IvorTheEngineDriver · 21/09/2023 12:10

We stopped mentioning my parents' wedding anniversary after my DM died. Nothing was said but I knew my DF well enough to know he wouldn't have wanted anything said.

Oneearringlost · 21/09/2023 12:11

Choice4567 · 21/09/2023 12:03

I send a card on my parents anniversary. But only because about 10 years ago my mum made some very pointed remarks about how she expected it to be acknowledged by her children

Hmm. I don't think she should be guilt tripping you.

MermaidEyes · 21/09/2023 12:12

My parents wedding anniversary is at Christmas so it's always been celebrated. This year would be their 50th but sadly my mum recently passed away. I will be taking my dad out for the day regardless. It's still going to be a special, and quite emotional, day for him.

InYourHeadZombieeeaeaeaea · 21/09/2023 12:12

I did when dad was alive. Also acknowledge each other's with my sibling. Just a message, nkthing spectacular

readsalotgirl63 · 21/09/2023 12:13

I did know my parents anniversary and my in laws and certainly sent cards on "big" anniversaries.

I did make a point of speaking to mum on the first anniversary after my dad died but that was only a couple of months later. I also did make sure to speak to her the following year as that would have been their 50th.

I don't really expect my kid to remember mine tho

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 21/09/2023 12:13

My parents divorced and both remarried. I couldn't tell you when any of the anniversaries are... and I was at 2 of the weddings!

It's just never been anything that it'd occur to me to celebrate. I always thought wedding anniversary celebrations were only for the couple 🤷🏼‍♀️ Maybe if they hit a milestone anniversary? But as that never happened with either of my parents and I've never been married I've never done it.

readsalotgirl63 · 21/09/2023 12:13

Mil would have been really peeved if DH had not marked her/fils anniversaries - so everyone is different

RuthW · 21/09/2023 12:14

Yes, I send them a card

ProvisionsOnTheDock · 21/09/2023 12:14

No I don't. The only reason I know the date is because my niece happened to be born on the same day X years later.

SnapdragonToadflax · 21/09/2023 12:14

Goodness, no. They can never remember which day it is, and I certainly don't know! It passes without comment now my dad's mum isn't around to send a card.

Happily married for 40+ years!

HeadAgainstWall0923 · 21/09/2023 12:16

People are funny about anniversaries in general.

Me and DH don’t really celebrate ours yet we will have family members turn up with cards and gifts and it just feels really awkward and unnecessary.

I honestly couldn’t tell you when any of my family members got married.

I only remember one of my friend’s anniversaries but that’s only because she got married on my birthday 😂

PerfectMatch · 21/09/2023 12:17

I know the month and year of my parents' anniversary but not the exact date. And I wouldn't expect a card/text from anyone except my DH on my own anniversary.

evtheria · 21/09/2023 12:19

Yeah, there's 4 of us and we wish my parents happy anniversary, and usually how they're celebrating etc. We all live apart so that may play into it, but I remember from about the age of 9 trying to 'do things' for their anniversary. E.G. We made them a memory book, made a breakfast in bed.

evtheria · 21/09/2023 12:19

evtheria · 21/09/2023 12:19

Yeah, there's 4 of us and we wish my parents happy anniversary, and usually how they're celebrating etc. We all live apart so that may play into it, but I remember from about the age of 9 trying to 'do things' for their anniversary. E.G. We made them a memory book, made a breakfast in bed.

*ask how or if they're celebrating, I mean

W0tnow · 21/09/2023 12:19

This is not a criticism, just an observation. Only on mumsnet have I ever seen acknowledgment of wedding anniversaries by parents, children, grandparents etc. It’s quite a foreign concept to me.

Twentypastfour · 21/09/2023 12:22

Hm no I don’t acknowledge anyone else’s anniversary (and they don’t mine) but I don’t think she is being unreasonable in finding that day extra tough. Was she definitely reprimanding you for not marking it? Or just saying she found it tough?

SingingSands · 21/09/2023 12:25

I do the big ones for my parents, but usually forget until the day and then clock the date and phone them for a chat.

MIL was widowed last year. We've arranged flowers to go to her next week and DH will send a card. Last year it was only 3 months after FIL died and we couldn't not acknowledge it.

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 21/09/2023 12:28

I think anniversaries are personal between the couple. MIL and SIL always send H and I anniversary cards, which I find odd. I don't send to them, even though I think this is a bit frowned about, but that's H's issue as far I'm concerned.

WhatHaveIFound · 21/09/2023 12:35

I don't normally wish them a happy anniversary apart from the big ones.

This year is a bit different as my dad has just moved to a care home so they'll spend most of it apart. I'm not sure my dad will even remember so I'll take my mum some flowers.

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