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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you wish parents Happy Anniversary

114 replies

BumbleBee75 · 21/09/2023 11:51

So my Dad passed a few years ago now.

Text Mum today as usual asking how she is etc and she goes on to say how she 'managed to get through the day yesterday as it was their Wedding Anniversary'. She said friends had taken her out to try and take her mind off it.

She is a bit melodramatic, always has been, but am I heartless? Do you generally take note of your parents wedding anniversary (or
anyone else's for that matter)

I lost my first husband 19 years ago and nobody has ever text or called me on our wedding anniversary.

Should I have remembered this/called or am I a horrible heartless daughter?

OP posts:
Spacemoon · 21/09/2023 13:35

I think people can have very different views on anniversaries.

I'm an anniversary type person, DH and I always make sure we mark ours - it's a special occasion and we love celebrating the milestone of another year together. I also make sure to at least wish my parents and in laws (and any other married family members) a happy anniversary. Would only really get them cards/presents on big anniversaries though.

I find it bizarre that some people don't even celebrate their own anniversaries - but it's just one of those things really.

I don't think it's something to be upset about either way as everyone is different. However, I do find the way you speak about your mum a little off - 'melodramatic' etc. She is obviously still grieving and it sounds like you're quite insensitive.

margotrose · 21/09/2023 13:36

I always say Happy Anniversary to my parents, just as they do to DH and I.

HobbiddoH · 21/09/2023 13:37

I don’t know why anyone except the married couple would be interested. ILs celebrated there i dont know -40th?- wedding anniversary last year. If they tell me they’re doing something for their anniversary I’ll say have fun, but it’s like they expected some big song and dance, with SIL asking why we hadn’t sent them a present…. How about because it’s got F all to do with me!

Minikievs · 21/09/2023 13:38

My sister remembers my parents every year. I don't ever remember. Ever.
I mean I know when it is (vaguely) but I don't actively remember it on the date of that makes sense. And I certainly don't send them a card or acknowledge it.

Figment1982 · 21/09/2023 13:40

I never acknowledged it when both my parents were alive, other than maybe a passing mention.. I have always thought that the anniversary is for the couple themselves.

However, my mum died over 10 years ago and I do check in with my dad on their anniversary date every year since then. I know he finds it difficult.

garlictwist · 21/09/2023 13:43

I know my parents anniversary is some time in November but no idea when. To be fair they didn't even invite me to the wedding (I was five when they got married) so I don't think they'd expect me to remember the anniversary.

Colourfulponderings · 21/09/2023 13:44

Nope, I don’t know why anyone would. To me wedding anniversaries are only for the couple to remember/ celebrate.

Starseeking · 21/09/2023 13:45

My parents have been married almost 50 years, and their anniversary is close to my birthday. For those reasons I usually get them a card, then I will either take them out for dinner, or book and pay for them to have dinner out by themselves!

Whataretheodds · 21/09/2023 13:46

My grandparents and aunts used to send wedding anniversary cards to each other.

I remember seeing the cards displayed at a time when my parents were having shouting matches.

It put me off sending cards to celebrate other people's wedding anniversaries, though i would if invited to a wedding anniversary celebration of some kind.

Though I wonder whether it would be quite nice to have a reminder of your vows and that you have the support of your friends and family as a couple.

HuntingoftheSnark · 21/09/2023 13:50

Yes, my parents married in 1952, the same year as the queen's coronation so the "big" anniversaries were easy to remember. I wouldn't usually send a card, but since my father died a few years ago, I text my mother to say I've remembered.

lucya66 · 21/09/2023 13:53

Anniversary’s are between the couple.

AnonAnonandAriston · 21/09/2023 14:04

Oh blimey my mum would have an absolute meltdown if we didn't send them a card on their wedding anniversary. Interestingly they never acknowledge anyone else's so I assume it's a 'well if we hadn't got married, you wouldn't exist and therefore you should acknowledge it' train of thought

Tessisme · 21/09/2023 14:28

I'm really surprised to see posters here who send cards to their parents for their anniversary. DP does this because his parents expect him to, but I always thought it was unusual. They are very controlling to be honest and believe that the big gestures like money, presents and cards are the only worthy manifestations of their children's affection.

Sisterpita · 21/09/2023 14:35

I’ve always sent cards and sometimes presents - significant anniversaries.

Since my Dad died I always get my Mum flowers. Quite often my Dad would ask me to get them for him (disabled) and I know he would want me to carry on.

MaryShelley1818 · 21/09/2023 14:40

I give my parents a card, nice box of chocolates and bottle of Bucks Fizz (they don't drink other alcohol) every year. My sister never bothers but she's not one to think of anyone else.

On mine and DH wedding anniversary we get cards and similar gifts/money from both sets of parents, grandparents and DH's Aunt and Uncle.

cocksstrideintheevening · 21/09/2023 14:56

No I barely remember my own.

JudyP · 21/09/2023 16:04

ProvisionsOnTheDock · 21/09/2023 12:14

No I don't. The only reason I know the date is because my niece happened to be born on the same day X years later.

This is the same as my mum and dad's anniversary- my niece was born on the same date - makes it easier to remember both things! I thought it was a big coincidence!

Igmum · 21/09/2023 16:15

I used to but I was the only one in the family who Remembered the date.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 21/09/2023 16:21

Firstly think it's a bit much her expecting you to remember and mention if she didn't do the same when your first husband died.

We always got our DM and DF a card and 'acknowldeging'gift, not expensive. Their first anniversary after DF died we did acknowledge and hot her flowers. She said she appreciated it but we didn't need to, so we would just mention it after that.

We slways get our in laws something on their anniversary, again more a token gift or meal out.

Laiste · 21/09/2023 16:31

DH always get all het up about remembering to send his parents a wedding anni card and yet they don't bother with ours (apart from the first one 15 years ago) Confused

His does have his parents on a bit of a pedestal though.
I'll stop there 😂

Loub55 · 21/09/2023 16:44

We always send SIL and BIL a wedding anniversary card, I didn't know that was considered weird! As PP said, there are plenty in the shops so there must be a few of us that do.

We have never got one back though but they have said themselves they don't remember their own half. The time 😂 so maybe after 8 years I should stop!!!

The only person we get one from is my MIL (my DM used to send one too before she got dementia)

toadasoda · 21/09/2023 16:51

We always acknowledge but its not a big deal. Had brunch with in laws this weekend for their anniversary but some years we let it slide. Dh always buys them a gift though. Growing up my parents always got a present from us. My ILs and sisters acknowledge mine with a card or at worst a text msg or call. I thought that was normal. To be honest I would think the first anniversary after a death is a tough day and should be acknowledged.

Secondwindplease · 21/09/2023 16:57

My own family don’t bother and I prefer that to be honest, I’m terrible with cards as it is. My in laws like to acknowledge anniversaries with each other, but I can’t grumble about that because once every five or ten years PIL take us on holiday to celebrate a big ‘un.

TMess · 21/09/2023 17:04

I always send a card/flowers. They send us the same. Same with all my ILs. I don’t know if they would care and I doubt I would care if that stopped, but it’s just a nice thing to do isn’t it.

BooksAndHooks · 21/09/2023 17:06

Yea anniversaries always acknowledged in our family. I still think of my grandparents on what would be Ygritte anniversary.