To let my kids be loud outside?

[Imtheterribleneighbour]

When my kids were babies the house next door was sold. The new owners were noisy, music on outside, car doors slamming at 2 in the morning, nothing serious just annoying. I asked them a couple of times if the could be considerate but it made no difference.

Now they have a baby and my kids play outside. They aren’t too bad, a little bit of shouting but the bouncing of a basketball is now the soundtrack to my life. I had a note a few weeks ago asking to limit the kids outside but ignored it. The neighbour has just been around and asked if my kids could stop bouncing the ball in the yard. I said as I already limit when they can be outside (it’s 830 - 845 in the morning and 330 -730 in the afternoon during the week and 930 - 800 on weekends) it’s not constantly happening in those times but limited to. I have said no you just have to live with it. He got upset as it’s annoying and wakes the baby. I said I understand as we had the same issue with them when the kids were little, but they will just have to live with it like we did.
Am I being unreasonable?

YABU that constant bouncing would drive me insane especially whilst trying to enjoy a relaxing weekend out in the garden or having the house windows open in the summer heat. Take them to a basketball court. Would drive me absolutely batty.

He is being very unreasonable asking you to not let your children play outside, it's good children being out in the fresh air, the baby needs to get used to noise. You can't tell someone else to keep their children in just because they are making a bit of racket especially during reasonable hours.

Loud music once a month is unreasonable but very different to shouting/loud playing and the thudding of a basketball most days and all weekend.

Due to the fact you seem to think you can't teach consideration, can't get them to do something else outside, that if they're not outside making a racket then they'll inevitably be on screens, I can't help but feel they're likely to be making more noise than you're letting on.

Kids don't automatically know how to moderate volume and show consideration. It's the parents' job to teach them.

My dd is an only. Now 15. I didn’t let her shout and scream with her friends constantly in the garden, which is the equivalent of bouncing a ball for hours. She was also given acceptable times of playing.

I also had plenty of things for them to play with. A pool, hosepipe and tarpaulin, swingball, badminton racquets, chalk, a trampoline away from the houses (no houses behind us) etc.

Your response to your neighbours was unneighbourly.

In a few years time when your kids are studying for their GCSEs and need quiet, and next doors kids have reached basketball playing / screaming outside stage... how will you feel?

YABVVU but you're obviously not going to change. Bouncing a ball from 8.30am (seriously?) for hours on end every day is not comparable to done noise from their car. I lived next door to complete tossers but I did still try to be reasonably quiet, especially when they had a baby. Not just because it's the right thing to do but because I didn't want them to have anything to use against me. If you let your kids behave like this now, when their kid is that age I think you're in for a rough time

The noise you describe is far far FAR more annoying than them. Far more.

that bouncing ball on concrete, right next to the house, is a form of torture.

a trampoline away from the houses (no houses behind us) etc.

Are you saying you wouldn't have a trampoline if there were neighbouring houses?

Absolutely fine. Your garden, you're keeping the noise within reasonable times and they chose to live in a house near other people. 🤷‍♀️ I have two small boys who use the garden a lot and I would be fuming if I was told to make them be quiet in it during the daytime.

I was hoping to get responses from people that actually have kids the same ages, not people with babies that suddenly have all the answers.

You've posted on MN, a forum for people with kids. Loads of us have been in your position. I have two sons, a couple of years apart in age, now teenagers, so presumably I qualify?

You're still being unreasonable as the noise you describe would be highly annoying as your neighbour. Bluntly, I teach my kids to be respectful of others so if they weren't willing to behave appropriately, they'd be inside with no recourse to technology.

I travel by train regularly and every single journey is spoiled by people thinking it's acceptable to play loud videos or have calls on speakerphone. I suspect it's the parents' fault for bringing up antisocial people who don't care if their noise is disturbing other people.

The basketball will definitely be annoying other immediate neighbours; as others have said the noise goes right through you. So I’d forget about the past irritations with this set of neighbours and focus on what’s reasonable for all of your neighbours who will hear the ball bouncing.

I totally agree that getting kids out in the fresh air as much as possible is important but I still think it’s fair to be considerate of neighbours in doing so and take them out and about for some of the time. Eg if they want to play basketball for a long period then you could take them to the nearest park with a basketball hoop.

Given their inconsiderate past I wonder how much they will monitor and limit their own child/children’s behaviour when they are older. Having said that if you don’t they may well do tit for tat! As others have said ball noise is so bad though.

Are the dc actually playing basketball for hours on end continuously as that would be highly unusual?

I too like a bit of noise. I live right next to a park. I love hearing the kids playing.

A ball bouncing on concrete, for hours, right next to the wall of my house, not so much.

Don't you take them anywhere at weekends where they can run around? Surely that would be part of the solution?

No more than an hour at a time seems fair.

Kids do make noise, but you sound like a really lazy parent. They’ll be fun when they’re teens if you can’t even put your foot down now…!

I’m going through this with my neighbours atm OP.
You really need to limit the time your kids spend being “loud” outside . Can’t you try to“be arsed “ and take them to the park every so often?
My neighbours have ruined the enjoyment of our garden this year with the shouting , swearing & screaming , constant kicking of balls at the fence and in our garden, bouncing on the trampoline etc
It’s totally selfish and disrespectful and I (& other neighbours) are at our wits end .
Your neighbours seem to be making usual family “living” noise - nothing OTT but what you are doing is unreasonable .

Had he asked OP to not let her children play outside that he would've been unreasonable but that's not what he's asked.

@BitOutOfPractice I've never experienced kids doing the same thing over & over for hours so perhaps that's why my tolerance is higher? All the dc I know will do one thing, then change to another, then maybe come inside, do something else etc.

You really need to limit the time your kids spend being “loud” outside . Can’t you try to“be arsed “ and take them to the park every so often?
My neighbours have ruined the enjoyment of our garden this year with the shouting , swearing & screaming , constant kicking of balls at the fence and in our garden, bouncing on the trampoline etc
It’s totally selfish and disrespectful and I (& other neighbours) are at our wits end .

I wouldn't say shouting, swearing, constant kicking of ball against fences is normal for kids though?

So they had one party once a month until 11pm (the legal time you can make noise until), and used their car, and you think they were unreasonable? But your children making a lot of noise most days is ok?

You are that neighbour ! Two wrongs don't make a right.

Why do you come on here to ask if you’re unreasonable and then shoot down everyone’s suggestions? You’re clearly going to do what you like anyway?