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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my kids be loud outside?

293 replies

Imtheterribleneighbour · 20/09/2023 02:19

When my kids were babies the house next door was sold. The new owners were noisy, music on outside, car doors slamming at 2 in the morning, nothing serious just annoying. I asked them a couple of times if the could be considerate but it made no difference.

Now they have a baby and my kids play outside. They aren’t too bad, a little bit of shouting but the bouncing of a basketball is now the soundtrack to my life. I had a note a few weeks ago asking to limit the kids outside but ignored it. The neighbour has just been around and asked if my kids could stop bouncing the ball in the yard. I said as I already limit when they can be outside (it’s 830 - 845 in the morning and 330 -730 in the afternoon during the week and 930 - 800 on weekends) it’s not constantly happening in those times but limited to. I have said no you just have to live with it. He got upset as it’s annoying and wakes the baby. I said I understand as we had the same issue with them when the kids were little, but they will just have to live with it like we did.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
CrazyHamsterLady · 21/09/2023 08:04

YABU and really petty. You found it annoying and now you’re only doing it to get back at them. Are you 12 or something?

CM1897 · 21/09/2023 08:09

LolaSmiles · 21/09/2023 06:31

Loud music once a month is unreasonable but very different to shouting/loud playing and the thudding of a basketball most days and all weekend.

Due to the fact you seem to think you can't teach consideration, can't get them to do something else outside, that if they're not outside making a racket then they'll inevitably be on screens, I can't help but feel they're likely to be making more noise than you're letting on.

Kids don't automatically know how to moderate volume and show consideration. It's the parents' job to teach them.

I don’t think loud music once a month is unreasonable, especially if it’s in a weekend. The general guidelines state that you can make noise until 11pm, and people can have a party every so often. I’d feel lucky that I didn’t have neighbours who had parties every week lol

FloweryName · 21/09/2023 08:11

You are being very petty.

The music until 11 will have been understandably annoying but if it always finished at 11 then it wasn’t that bad.

Car doors being closed is not something you have a legitimate complaint about. Nor is someone running their engine on a frosty morning. But because of that you think it’s justified if your children scream and shout outside and bounce loud balls for hours?

cringelibrarian · 21/09/2023 08:37

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we've removed their threads and posts.

Lorieandrews · 21/09/2023 08:38

Imtheterribleneighbour · 20/09/2023 08:34

Just to clarify they don’t play outside all the times listed. Those are the limits of when they can play outside. They are outdoors maybe 10 minutes in the morning, and two hours in the afternoon during the week. The weekend is a bit of a mix. Some days four hours outside some days one hour.
The neighbours don’t want any ball bouncing.

I did ask the neighbours not to be so noisy and I was ignored.

If they had respected me I would limit the boys to one hour a day.

But after reading the responses on here I will stop the morning play, and limit two hours at a time then take at least an hour break.

My kids are out from like 9-9pm all the time. I’m lucky because all my neighbours love it. We have a Facebook page and they always say they love seeing the kids outside and not in their iPads etc so it’s ok

however my neighbour lets his kids scream (and I mean proper screech and screaming) from 6.30am…..//

I don’t let my kids out till a good time as I wasn’t allowed either.

cringelibrarian · 21/09/2023 08:39

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we've removed their threads and posts.

itsmyp4rty · 21/09/2023 08:41

I'm with you OP, your kids aren't doing anything wrong and if next door weren't prepared to keep the noise down for you then why should you make your kids stop for them?

Of course it matters that they wouldn't make any changes to help you, I've no idea why people are saying it doesn't. And it's certainly not petty as you're not doing it on purpose just to piss them off - that would be petty - you're just not going to make your kids stop playing.

We live next to a school and have the noise of kids playing/yelling/screaming all the time. If people don't want any noise then they need to live in a detached house away from other people. If your kids were playing ball at midnight it would be different or outside screaming at 6am, but they're not. They're playing ball after school and on the weekends at reasonable times.

BungleandGeorge · 21/09/2023 08:55

When you said the neighbours were noisy I was expecting something more than running a car engine, sounds of the car door and music until 11 once a month! That’s in no way noisy tbh. Your noise is every single day and something that you admit sounds annoying. It sounds like out of the 2 of you it’s you who is the less considerate neighbour! If sent there a playground somewhere nearby?

Iliketulips · 21/09/2023 09:02

Under any other circumstances I'd say YABU, but I understand where you're coming from.

However, I would evaluate from the road what the noise is like the other side of them and the house the other side of you to ensure it's not affecting other neighbours - or even check with other neighbours if it's bothering them. If it is, try reach a compromise with other neighbours about limiting times and what suits them not your immediate neighbours.

Dreamstate · 21/09/2023 09:06

You're being incredibly petty. Music once a month - be thankful its not every day. Car doors is normal noise, how you can even gripe about that is bizarre.

HangingOver · 21/09/2023 09:15

That repetitive bouncing noise of a basketball on concrete is one of the most annoying sounds ever

This. It's up there with "stressed out dog constantly barking"

MrsPercyParkKeeper · 21/09/2023 09:18

YANBU we had neighbours who would play music really loud until midnight and smoke all sorts. They would get drunk and fight in their garden right below DS's bedroom window.

We complained and they only got worse.

Anyway, their turn to have a baby and they have the audacity to come over and complain about DS playing swing ball in the garden at 2pm.

Oh how we laughed.

Sunsetandsmiles · 21/09/2023 09:24

@Secondwindplease

Think I grew up in a much nicer place than you then!

SoRainbowRhythms · 21/09/2023 09:27

I live next door to loud garden kids and my mental health is shot as a result. I hate being in my own home (and can't afford to move, which is the staple MN response). The mum also doesn't care how if her neighbours are disturbed.

So YABU.

GingerIsBest · 21/09/2023 09:30

Basketball parent here. It is an annoying noise, yes. But it's also normal family life.

We do limit the time he's allowed out and in the mornings, we make it quite late - 10 o clock. After school he can be out as much as he likes largely, but if he's out there for more than an hour or two he has to come in for a while to give everyone a break. And we cut it off relatively early - during the summer holidays he was allowed to play out there until about 8pm but usually it's more like 6pm.

We also spoke to our neighbours about it who pointed out that when their grandsons were younger and we had babies, they were out there playing football constantly. They also said they were just pleased to see him outside playing rather than being inside all the time.

Bless them, DS has not been playing out as much recently and NDN have been quite concerned, asking DH if DS is okay.

I agree with PP that you do. need to be considerate but this is normal family life with children.

OnAir · 21/09/2023 09:32

If I was your neighbour having to listen to that I'd make sure I got the power tools out every weekend. Nothing quite like the sound of a breaker or hammer drill on a Sunday morning. I'm so glad I've got decent neighbours.

online6549 · 21/09/2023 09:32

Your noise sounds worse and it’s more frequent. Presumably they needed to use their car at those times for work etc?

Anyway, a cranky baby is hell. Let the poor child sleep.

And if you are an arse about this now, you are going to get in an arms race of noise escalation throughout the childhoods. If you are accommodating now, they are likely to become more considerate too.

Even if you don’t feel like it, it’s probably in your interests to accommodate them

Eventingmum · 21/09/2023 09:37

And just so you are aware the mortar of your wall can crumble with excessive impact from balls etc.
Speaking form experience here 😳

jazzyfips · 21/09/2023 09:39

Lahdedahiam · 21/09/2023 03:39

I've had children the age yours are two boys, the way I dealt with it was by parenting them and teaching them consideration for others.

I taught them that being loud, arguing, shouting playing basket ball for hours on end was not acceptable.

You could always take the basket ball ring down...... oh wait that would be parenting, your children, you wouldn't be able to do that!

Show quote history

This. OP you come across as a parent who can’t be arsed putting the work in.

TheShinmeister · 21/09/2023 09:47

No one wants the thump of a ball bouncing; not even you OP. It’s inconsiderate. Pathetic tit for tat that’s hardly comparable to a few slams of a car door or a party. Glad I don’t live next door to you. You’re letting your kids think it’s ok to do what you like and fuck everyone else.

Bluepiano · 21/09/2023 09:54

I appreciate that you’ve restricted the times your children play outside. It can become quite distressing when it is a constant noise and very intrusive.
There are several noisy neighbours on my close, who let their children scream and shout pretty much constantly. While I appreciate children should be outside playing, there needs to
be some compromise where everyone can enjoy their homes without intrusive noise.
Having a baby myself, I can fully understand difficulty getting them to sleep when there’s noise outside. It is not true to say babies can just ignore noise. That is only the case when they are very young. In the summer, the windows need to be open too.
its very difficult for everyone so compromise and consideration is essential.

Katiesaidthat · 21/09/2023 10:12

Kids playing in their own garden at reasonable times? That is life and they can suck it up.

Graciebobcat · 21/09/2023 10:27

I wouldn't limit the playing out but maybe limit the basketball bouncing to an hour a day. Is there a court somewhere nearby? They might not be old enough to go there by themselves but could they be dropped off and picked up from there once in a while with a couple of mates, if they are sensible enough? The ten year old certainly would be ok- won't be long before they go to secondary school.

Love the criticism of today's parents who are far more engaged and spend so much more time with their kids than previous generations! Can't do anything right - you either get criticised for too many structured activities, too much time indoors on screens, or letting them play out.

Lazy-arsed boomers and war babies let kids play out all day in the 1970s and 1980s and didn't know where they were or who they were with and many didn't care. So much so that dozens of public information films about basic parenting had to be made. Don't let your kids play on the railway line! Teach them how to cross the road! Don't let them climb pylons or swim in a disused quarry. FFS.

And if you think parents are bad today - who brought up those parents?

And as for behaviour at secondary school - if schools weren't fucking massive impersonal silo academy prisons with ridiculous draconian rules who actually moved into the 21st century in how they deal with pupils instead of trying to hark back to something which never even existed in the 1950s with bits of concrete and asbestos falling off them then maybe the kids could have their needs met and behave better and be ready to learn.

IsItThough · 21/09/2023 10:41

Your kids have got a right to play in their own garden.
Yep, ball bouncing is annoying but it will be just this year and maybe next.

I'd get them to avoid baby's nap/bed times (but I bet it doesn't really wake them just make getting them off to sleep harder)

Dreamstate · 21/09/2023 10:43

IsItThough · 21/09/2023 10:41

Your kids have got a right to play in their own garden.
Yep, ball bouncing is annoying but it will be just this year and maybe next.

I'd get them to avoid baby's nap/bed times (but I bet it doesn't really wake them just make getting them off to sleep harder)

And equally her neighbours have a right to get in and out of their car when they need to or listen to music within reasonable hours without her complaining about it