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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my kids be loud outside?

293 replies

Imtheterribleneighbour · 20/09/2023 02:19

When my kids were babies the house next door was sold. The new owners were noisy, music on outside, car doors slamming at 2 in the morning, nothing serious just annoying. I asked them a couple of times if the could be considerate but it made no difference.

Now they have a baby and my kids play outside. They aren’t too bad, a little bit of shouting but the bouncing of a basketball is now the soundtrack to my life. I had a note a few weeks ago asking to limit the kids outside but ignored it. The neighbour has just been around and asked if my kids could stop bouncing the ball in the yard. I said as I already limit when they can be outside (it’s 830 - 845 in the morning and 330 -730 in the afternoon during the week and 930 - 800 on weekends) it’s not constantly happening in those times but limited to. I have said no you just have to live with it. He got upset as it’s annoying and wakes the baby. I said I understand as we had the same issue with them when the kids were little, but they will just have to live with it like we did.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 21/09/2023 11:16

I don’t think loud music once a month is unreasonable, especially if it’s in a weekend. The general guidelines state that you can make noise until 11pm, and people can have a party every so often.
I’d feel lucky that I didn’t have neighbours who had parties every week lol
I see your point.
I think in my head when I hear loud music I was thinking more like full amps/rave style than some garden party music that carries a little. That's why I was thinking monthly parties like that were unreasonable.
Maybe this says a lot about some places I've lived.

Some music in the garden once a month that ends before 11 is reasonable.

IsItThough · 21/09/2023 11:17

Dreamstate · 21/09/2023 10:43

And equally her neighbours have a right to get in and out of their car when they need to or listen to music within reasonable hours without her complaining about it

Show quote history

But that isn't the matter at hand is it? She can't go back in time and uncomplain.

It would be peevish of her to be especially inconsiderate because she perceived her neighbours were inconsiderate back in the day.

Dreamstate · 21/09/2023 11:22

IsItThough · 21/09/2023 11:17

But that isn't the matter at hand is it? She can't go back in time and uncomplain.

It would be peevish of her to be especially inconsiderate because she perceived her neighbours were inconsiderate back in the day.

Show quote history

No she can't but then she is being petty to start complaining they are coming to her about the noise her kids make especially if its everyday compared to theirs which was more ad hoc.

Mooy · 21/09/2023 11:27

I'm quite shocked at how many people on mumsnet of all places apparently find the sound of children playing unbearable and seem to think kids shouldn't be allowed to play outside or myst be silent at all times to accommodate their grouchy attitude!
Let your kids play outside, it's what kids are meant to be doing. The only line I would draw is not to bounce balls of people's windows bit it doesn't sound like they are doing that.
The baby is unlikely to be bothered by noise. It's probably just new parents who are struggling a bit and looking for something to blame for their baby acting like a perfectly normal baby but in that way no one is quite prepared for. And chances are in a few years that baby is going to be the one running around outside making noise.
I'm all for people being considerate of each other, but that needs to include being considerate of children's right to play.
Reach out to your neighbour, explain your position kindly and maybe take a peace offering, but I would be quite clear my kids aren't going to stop playing

LolaSmiles · 21/09/2023 11:33

I'm quite shocked at how many people on mumsnet of all places apparently find the sound of children playing unbearable and seem to think kids shouldn't be allowed to play outside or myst be silent at all times to accommodate their grouchy attitude!
Has anyone said kids should be silent?

Has anyone said children playing is unbearable?

Has anyone said children shouldn't be allowed to play outside?

It's really predictable when people discuss parents who allow their children to make unreasonable levels of noise. It's like bingo:

  • but if they're not running around shouting and shrieking then they'll be indoors on tablets and devices
  • but it's just kids being kids
  • how sad people think children shouldn't have fun
  • people are so miserable they don't like hearing children playing
  • people hate children playing outside
  • but I can't teach them appropriate noise because they'll not listen/not do it

It makes you wonder how the majority of parents manage to have children, let them have fun and aren't a nuisance to their neighbours

user1477391263 · 21/09/2023 12:49

Genuinely starting to wonder if there is much point in having a garden with kids any more, if you end up just pressured to take them to the park every single time and are made to feel bad about letting them play in the garden.

user1477391263 · 21/09/2023 12:51

I'm quite shocked at how many people on mumsnet of all places apparently find the sound of children playing unbearable and seem to think kids shouldn't be allowed to play outside or myst be silent at all times to accommodate their grouchy attitude!

There are loads of childfree posters these days and I do feel that it's changed the tone of some of the conversations.

Dreamstate · 21/09/2023 12:58

I'm really amazed how parents think its okay to complain about other people making normal noise like listening to music, getting in and out of their cars.. you know general living noise and think those people should stop making noise without thinking their kids make just as much noise back.

I have a set of neighbours just like this, how dare I have people over making normal chit chat noise, how dare I put my radio on because if I do they will start slamming their doors and going in the garden and basically shout at each other and create so much noise you can't even be in your own home.

Its not my fault the walls are that thin - go soundproof your walls if you're that bothered, because equally I've had to put up with hearing their conversations word for word all day long, their child screaming and waking me up at 7am every morning, everytime they have tantrums i hear it even if my TV is on. I don't go complaining about their noise.

Imisssleep2 · 21/09/2023 12:59

Good for you, no you aren't, it's called karma I believe, they should have been more considerate to you back then and maybe you would be so now. Stick to your guns your garden, it's not unreasonable times so let your kids be kids

NewShoes · 21/09/2023 13:28

It doesn’t sound proportionate to me. They got in and out of cars (which doesn’t sound terribly annoying to me, and can’t really be helped if you have to drive places) and had music playing once a month. Your kids are banging a basketball loudly most days (I’m assuming?) which sounds like a lot more noise than your neighbours made. I’d curb their basketball playing a bit as much for your peace and quiet as your neighbour’s!

Mikimoto · 21/09/2023 13:33

I mean, you're limiting it to 21 hours each weekend - what are they moaning about?!
eyeroll....

Dreamstate · 21/09/2023 13:38

Ha imagine if they started playing music everyday, then you would have something to complain about

marblesthecat · 21/09/2023 13:47

katseyes7 · 20/09/2023 22:58

My next door neighbours (not attached) have three boys. Lovely lads, very polite and pleasant, but boys. Noisy boys.
They have a trampoline. They have footballs. They have a basketball hoop. They have a pogo stick (I didn't know they even still made them).
Shouting and laughing, l can cope with. Even for hours on end, l can zone it out, or turn the tv up.
What l cannot cope with is the constant thud of a ball. On, as PP said, concrete.
I came home from work one day and there were five footballs in my back garden. They used to come and collect them, but there's a big bramble bush (full of fruit, so l don't want to cut it back yet) in the way from the front to the back garden so now l throw them back over the fence.
They knock on the door, ask very politely, say please and thank you, so l don't mind. I'm more than happy to lob the ball back, they shout 'thank you katseyes!' from the garden when l do. They're nice boys, a nice family.
But after six weeks solid of thudding footballs, bikes and scooters on and off kerbs right outside my house, screaming, yelling (not just the boys next door, the entire estate full of kids, it felt like some days) I'm looking to move house as soon as l can.
I'm seriously not being overdramatic when l say it ruined my mental health over the summer. One day it went on from 10 in the morning until 10 at night, constantly. I sat and cried for hours, l had nowhere to go to get away from it.
I honestly don't mind kids playing. But (and l have friends with children who have said this) l think parents get so used to the noise kids make, they have no idea how it can affect other people.
I'm prepared to get flamed for this, but it affects people in different ways.
I'm not well and l just want peace and quiet. I was actually working six and seven days just to get out of the house during the school holidays.
It's much better now it's just a few hours after school, l can cope with that. But l honestly cannot face another six weeks of it next year.

It's the same in my estate and |'m selling up. I've cried so many times over the past few months and it's not even much better now they're back at school. They're still out screaming and kicking balls from 4pm until dark even on school nights. I've had this from March. I even bought noise cancelling headphones and can still hear them. I despise every single one of their useless inconsiderate parents - it seems lazy parents are on the rise.

TotheMooncup · 21/09/2023 13:55

I don’t think the times you have limited it to are unreasonable though? If it was until 11pm or something I would understand but it’s not all hours of the day and it’s not unbearably early/late

otherwise it will turn into bringing your kids inside every time the neighbours baby is asleep

CM1897 · 21/09/2023 14:30

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we've removed their threads and posts.

Did you read her updates? Her neighbours played loud music once a month until 11pm. Not exactly a crime, people are entitled to have parties etc as long as they are quiet after 11pm.

The other noises were driving their car and closing car doors. Again, not exactly a crime lol

PorridgeOnToast · 21/09/2023 14:31

I'm quite shocked at how many people on mumsnet of all places apparently find the sound of children playing unbearable and seem to think kids shouldn't be allowed to play outside or myst be silent at all times to accommodate their grouchy attitude!

Think you would be hard put to find even 1 post that said any of that

Guiltridden12345 · 21/09/2023 14:40

Imtheterribleneighbour · 20/09/2023 02:19

When my kids were babies the house next door was sold. The new owners were noisy, music on outside, car doors slamming at 2 in the morning, nothing serious just annoying. I asked them a couple of times if the could be considerate but it made no difference.

Now they have a baby and my kids play outside. They aren’t too bad, a little bit of shouting but the bouncing of a basketball is now the soundtrack to my life. I had a note a few weeks ago asking to limit the kids outside but ignored it. The neighbour has just been around and asked if my kids could stop bouncing the ball in the yard. I said as I already limit when they can be outside (it’s 830 - 845 in the morning and 330 -730 in the afternoon during the week and 930 - 800 on weekends) it’s not constantly happening in those times but limited to. I have said no you just have to live with it. He got upset as it’s annoying and wakes the baby. I said I understand as we had the same issue with them when the kids were little, but they will just have to live with it like we did.
Am I being unreasonable?

Ha - what goes around comes around! No, ambient play noise at reasonable times is fine. The wonderful thing about babies is that they get used to any noise.

remind them how noisy they used to be!!

katseyes7 · 21/09/2023 14:57

marblesthecat
Thank you so much for that. If l didn't know better l'd think you lived on my estate.
I'm actually looking into sheltered accommodation to move to when l retire next year. l'm renting here and I have several health issues (some literally life threatening) and l'm hoping that would be a solution for me.
Hopefully it'll be quieter and l'd have people around me should l need some support. My immediate neighbours are very nice (I don't know anyone else here) but l'm not their problem and l don't like asking for help. I think being part of a community with a warden should make me feel a bit safer, and there aren't likely to be swarms of children either.
They were all tiny when l moved here eight years ago, and l've never experienced this before - it never even occurred to me.
My nice neighbour (with the children) said she kept asking the noisy kids to go and play on the big park area further down "but they go for ten minutes, then they forget...." I'm sorry, kids of ten and eleven don't 'forget'. They come back because they know they wind people up.
They actually broke my other neighbour's fence riding their bikes into it, then a big planter after she put that out to cover the damage.
That isn't kids playing, it's criminal damage. Vandalism. I've had them 'playing' on my front lawn, feet from my window. Climbing on my gates, hanging about on my driveway. They don't even live on the bit of the estate where l live, they live further in. But of course the parents don't want them making a racket outside their own houses.
I've had enough this summer, even though things have calmed down now.
I'm counting down the days til l can move. I really hope you can find somewhere lovely and quiet to move to, marblesthecat, sell your house to someone with kids if you can. They'll fit in much better than someone like us.
Best of luck, l wish you well. And peace and quiet. xxx

Mgs1234 · 21/09/2023 16:25

Absolutely not being unreasonable and like someone else said, karma is great.
I’m very conscious of how loud my two are when they are in garden, aged 7 & 3, but kids will be kids. I do encourage them to keep it down and have respect for the neighbours, but I’d be less likely to do that if I’d had to put up with what you have in the past. They need to get over it.

SoRainbowRhythms · 21/09/2023 16:32

user1477391263 · 21/09/2023 12:51

I'm quite shocked at how many people on mumsnet of all places apparently find the sound of children playing unbearable and seem to think kids shouldn't be allowed to play outside or myst be silent at all times to accommodate their grouchy attitude!

There are loads of childfree posters these days and I do feel that it's changed the tone of some of the conversations.

If you took time to RTFT, you'd see the majority of posters have mentioned their own children. Can't blame the pesky child free enemy this time.

Dreamstate · 21/09/2023 16:34

Well one day the neighbours kids will grow up and start bouncing balls in their garden all day long and making a ton of noise, just when your kids will be older and you might finally get more peace and quiet... so as others have said...karma.....

gogomoto · 21/09/2023 16:37

Bouncing balls for hours is far more annoying than a door slam or even music. I get your point but I think that it should be limited to no more than an hour per day, and that's still annoying

CallMeBettyBoop · 21/09/2023 18:04

Sux2buthen · 20/09/2023 06:21

They're kids playing together in their own garden in reasonable hours. That's how life should be
I'd possibly say not before 9 if it was me but the rest is to be expected.

This. Let kids be kids, within reasonable hours of course.

Jamandbreadsupper · 21/09/2023 18:18

She sounds like my neighbor, music till 1am when we had a new baby and friends round shouting and screaming, not to mention the play station base through the walls. We’ve made noise probably on thee occasions and maybe 9 at the latest (on a time limit so had to be done to be ready for workmen coming) and we get banging on the walls. We were told off passive aggressively because we had a bbq two days in a row. They have one most weekends, not that it bothers me but it does make me think how it bothered her. Although it does bring me peace knowing her partner slept with someone else (not sure if she knows) but hope it brings her daily misery! his mates informed me he was leaving soon as kid was grown. He’s still there and looks happy to me so whether he’s bull sh*tting his mates to save face. Who knows, but I’m not the one that has to share a bed and see her vile face every morning. I’m willing to work together to live harmoniously but some people make it impossible so good on you for giving them the same treatment they handed to you ! I’m guessing when their kids grow up ball bouncing and kids screaming won’t be an issue to them and you’ll suffer all over again. That’s when you can arrange some home renovations x

missg00se · 21/09/2023 18:51

I honestly can’t think of any reason why children that age would need to be outside bouncing a ball between 8.30 and 8.45am on weekdays. Are they not getting ready for school? If I had a new baby and I’d had a bad night and that started up at 8.30 I’d lose my mind. Do they really have that much pent-up energy at that time in the morning? Maybe just knock the (for some) early morning basketball on the head and see if it helps?