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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my kids be loud outside?

293 replies

Imtheterribleneighbour · 20/09/2023 02:19

When my kids were babies the house next door was sold. The new owners were noisy, music on outside, car doors slamming at 2 in the morning, nothing serious just annoying. I asked them a couple of times if the could be considerate but it made no difference.

Now they have a baby and my kids play outside. They aren’t too bad, a little bit of shouting but the bouncing of a basketball is now the soundtrack to my life. I had a note a few weeks ago asking to limit the kids outside but ignored it. The neighbour has just been around and asked if my kids could stop bouncing the ball in the yard. I said as I already limit when they can be outside (it’s 830 - 845 in the morning and 330 -730 in the afternoon during the week and 930 - 800 on weekends) it’s not constantly happening in those times but limited to. I have said no you just have to live with it. He got upset as it’s annoying and wakes the baby. I said I understand as we had the same issue with them when the kids were little, but they will just have to live with it like we did.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Alighttouchonthetiller · 20/09/2023 06:27

Imtheterribleneighbour · 20/09/2023 05:33

It’s more I can’t be arsed stopping them rather than actively trying to annoy them.

It's this approach to parenting that makes teaching kids in secondary school such a bloody battle. By the time they get to us they are used to doing whatever they like, whenever they feel like it. You are the parent. Do everyone a favour and do some parenting.

PurpleWhirple · 20/09/2023 06:28

Sux2buthen · 20/09/2023 06:21

They're kids playing together in their own garden in reasonable hours. That's how life should be
I'd possibly say not before 9 if it was me but the rest is to be expected.

This. YANBU.
Karma is a bitch

hylian · 20/09/2023 06:29

When I was that age bouncing a basket ball, I would do it for a while, and eventually my mum would come out and say 'ok that's enough now, time to do something else because it's noisy and we need to give the neighbours a break'.

It was fine.

Your kids don't need to be able to do exactly what they want 100% of the time. It's good to teach them compromise and respect.

Baffled1989 · 20/09/2023 06:30

Karma ain’t it! Maybe they’ll be more respectful in life.

Poudretteite · 20/09/2023 06:31

I wouldn't stop my kids playing outside

hylian · 20/09/2023 06:31

OP - there's a lot of people on here talking about karma etc.

I'm interested - if it wasn't for the problems in the past, would you be telling your kids to be quieter? Or would you still not bother?

FiftynFooked · 20/09/2023 06:32

What goes around, comes around!

Baffled1989 · 20/09/2023 06:33

Oooh I take back my reply @Imtheterribleneighbour you made it seem much worse in your OP!

music until 11pm on a sat once a month is totally acceptable

running their car at 7am I suspect to warm it up totally fine

you made it sound like it was all night every night throughout the night.

tell your kids to stop bouncing the ball constantly. YABU.

minipeony · 20/09/2023 06:35

Karma

Anyway - personally I'd limit the ball to 1 hour a day

Edited to add- oh just saw your update

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/09/2023 06:36

Baffled1989 · 20/09/2023 06:30

Karma ain’t it! Maybe they’ll be more respectful in life.

Except it turns out that they had a party once a month and her kids are bouncing a ball for 12 hours of a weekend. Not really comparable.

minipeony · 20/09/2023 06:36

Imtheterribleneighbour · 20/09/2023 05:23

Two kids 8 and 10. The screaming is minimal, I think it’s the constant bouncing that is annoying (it annoys me too). Their noise was different. Loud music until 11 about once a month on a Saturday night. Car doors all the bloody time. Car running in driveway at 7 most mornings for fifteen minutes. It wasn’t bad enough to do anything about, but annoying when you have very young children. My kids aren’t outside all the time, some weekends it’s only for an hour, but sometimes it’s almost all day. I won’t make any week day changes, but I will limit the weekend to two hour blocks then to give it a rest for an hour.

Your OP came across that the music was more frequent than that

minipeony · 20/09/2023 06:37

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/09/2023 06:36

Except it turns out that they had a party once a month and her kids are bouncing a ball for 12 hours of a weekend. Not really comparable.

Show quote history

Yeah I take back my karma comment and am also changing my vote - yabu OP

sellote · 20/09/2023 06:39

I originally thought YANBU but have changed my mind, I don’t think it’s reasonable that they are outside lots but only play basketball, especially after neighbours have said it’s an issue.

There are plenty of activities they can do outside at that age - my DC are the same ages. Not caring because the neighbours used to make noise (which is not comparable from what you’ve said - loud music once a month and car noise) is not reasonable, plus I’m sure the noise will be affecting other neighbours too.

Wherly · 20/09/2023 06:40

YANBU. I do think the neighbours noise is relevant. Their noise, as you described it, was normal life. Your kids noise is also normal life. You had to learn to cope with life noise and so do they.

Everybody acting like bouncing a basketball even for "hours" is some sort of exceptional noise needs to get a grip. Let your kids be.

Anni1234 · 20/09/2023 06:42

Oh I have really noisy neighbours re kids outside all the time which actually doesn’t bother me at all because they always sound happy!
maybe I have a high tolerance for bouncing balls lol. They also play rave music on at weird times (not all night but first thing in morning?!) and the dad fixing cars in the night but eh we just notice it but it doesn’t wake us up. Only once I asked them to change the song they were playing - they were playing loud music in the garden which is fine because it was daytime and summer and all happy noises - but one song had really really awful language and my LO is starting to copy words etc so I asked could they just skip the song or so and they were happy to do so!

43ontherocksporfavor · 20/09/2023 06:45

8.30 is too early!! 9.30 earliest .
And 3.30-7.30 ???? That’s a long time. It would drive me bonkers. Ball bouncing, especially a hard basket ball is very repetitive and annoying.

Tessisme · 20/09/2023 06:47

You have posted in AIBU and are basically arguing with everyone that is saying you are!
You say you won't limit their time doing it, that you can't be arsed to stop your kids.

That's probably because the vote is supporting her - 73% saying she isn't being unreasonable when I voted. For what it's worth, I voted YABU because I think there's only so much ball bouncing noise anyone can take. It's great when your kids are not only out of your hair, but also doing something healthy. But the neighbours should be taken into account. When my DC were babies, our neighbours' kids were ball bouncing age and it drove me insane. All fecking day sometimes. But I still brought my kids in when their noise became too loud or went on too long, even though I was sorely tempted to.get 'revenge'! My neighbour on the other side is a lovely woman and, although she used to say she loved hearing the DC out playing, I was careful not to push it.

43ontherocksporfavor · 20/09/2023 06:47

Oh and you can stop them, you take the ball !

ASimpleLampoon · 20/09/2023 06:48

Your kids can play outside whenever they want but fgs find a basketball court elsewhere and try to curb unnecessary screaming.

peonies23 · 20/09/2023 06:49

YADNBU

while bouncing ballls makes me want to jump off a bridge (personally can't stand that sound) I wouldn't stop your kids in your shoes.

I've got neighbours like yours. Currently child free and noisy fuckers. Very loud bassy music, harley type motorbikes being revved at all hours, constant diy drilling. He's got a booming voice.

Can't wait for them to have small kids. I will be the most annoying inconsiderate neighbour ever 😃😃😃

Muststopeating · 20/09/2023 06:51

No! Leave them be!! The alternative is them sitting on some God awful games console. Kids should be outside and should be active. Encourage them not to shriek/scream though.

The fact that the neighbours used to be inconsiderate makes it even easier to ignore them.

I cannot believe how many people on here think kids shouldn't be allowed to bounce a ball in their own garden.

Greysofa · 20/09/2023 06:51

We had similar issues with our new neighbours over parking when our children were little and we needed extra space to get them out of car seats etc (still on our own drive by the way, just the way the cars were parked). Fast forward now to our children being older and being able to get out of the car independently, they now have a baby and pushed a note through asking for consideration over parking. Sorry no, or as you told us years ago, it’s our drive way and we will park as we like. I believe it’s called reap what you sow.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 20/09/2023 06:53

I think that the issue is that when your dc were little you raised the noise issue and they carried on regardless. Either they were young and now regret their actions or they are just self-centred and will always put their own wishes first. Did they warn you about the parties or just start with the music?

I personally would try to offer an olive branch, ideally to both of them together. Say that you think that your initial response was partly due to still feeling that their actions impacted on you at the same stage in life, let that linger a little. See how they react and if they apologise. Base your moderation of your dc's outside time on their reactions. Ask them for a rough indication of the crucial timings for them, moderating a little would be calling them in 15 mins early so you are still the bigger person, although not much because you know it is getting darker and colder.

If they apologise then there is room for more negotiation, if they just justify their prior actions then they will probably always put themselves first and even if you get your dc to moderate their behaviour now, they will have no intention of doing the same when it is their dc playing basketball while your dc are doing GCSEs/A levels.

ThePoshUns · 20/09/2023 06:53

rwalker · 20/09/2023 05:41

Music once a month and cars doors slamming ( everything sounds louder at night)

isn’t comparable with the above fucking annoying constant thud of ball bouncing

Agree, having suffered with bouncing ball neighbour myself.
Cars starting at 7am is not a big deal at all, most people are up and about for work at that time.
You sound petty tbh OP.
I'd rather your neighbours noise than yours.

Bellyblueboy · 20/09/2023 06:56

the noise they are making is at reasonable times - and children playing will make noise.

I suspect this neighbours child will be noisy in a few years - by which time your kids will be the ones soaking car doors and playing music!

if the neighbour comes back I would comment that the issue seems to be you are all at different life stages. When your kids were babies he kept waking at night with music l, and care for and idling vehicles early in the morning. Now your babies are playing during the day and annoying him! In a few years his baby will be the one making noise playing. Then you will both be cursed by the teen years!

i would laugh and say we have both complained to each other about noise, nothing changes so maybe now just live and let live?