Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my kids be loud outside?

293 replies

Imtheterribleneighbour · 20/09/2023 02:19

When my kids were babies the house next door was sold. The new owners were noisy, music on outside, car doors slamming at 2 in the morning, nothing serious just annoying. I asked them a couple of times if the could be considerate but it made no difference.

Now they have a baby and my kids play outside. They aren’t too bad, a little bit of shouting but the bouncing of a basketball is now the soundtrack to my life. I had a note a few weeks ago asking to limit the kids outside but ignored it. The neighbour has just been around and asked if my kids could stop bouncing the ball in the yard. I said as I already limit when they can be outside (it’s 830 - 845 in the morning and 330 -730 in the afternoon during the week and 930 - 800 on weekends) it’s not constantly happening in those times but limited to. I have said no you just have to live with it. He got upset as it’s annoying and wakes the baby. I said I understand as we had the same issue with them when the kids were little, but they will just have to live with it like we did.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Restinggoddess · 20/09/2023 23:36

One day your kids will have left home and you will be enjoying peace and quiet - but the neighbours kids will have a ball......

Firawla · 20/09/2023 23:38

It’s normal noise, can’t believe all the over reactions about it on here
No, you’re not unreasonable. I wouldn’t limit my kids in our own home or garden, from doing normal activities like playing basketball
the neighbours are unreasonable to ask, since they also made noise before, so just tell them sorry no it’s normal family life and normal acceptable noise. Like others said I’m sure their baby will be up and playing basketball, running around outside soon enough
Best case scenario - just get used to each others noises and get on with life. Anyone who can’t manage with day to day noise should prioritise living somewhere isolated

CharlotteBog · 20/09/2023 23:39

Up to 4hrs of ball bouncing every week day is not very considerate.

TorqueWrench · 20/09/2023 23:55

CharlotteBog · 20/09/2023 23:39

Up to 4hrs of ball bouncing every week day is not very considerate.

I'd defo rather hear the odd slammed door and music once a month.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 20/09/2023 23:55
  1. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Enjoy the flavour.
  2. Kids will be kids. The boy next to me bounces and kicks a ball for hours whilst I'm working from home and I put up with it, despite being autistic so probably finding it more annoying than most people. He's a child, and this country has an obesity crisis that will only be made worse if children are discouraged for exercising safely in their own gardens. The park isn't safe, my sister was mugged in the park as a child.
MumblesParty · 20/09/2023 23:57

As others have said, I bet when their kids are older they’ll let them bounce a ball if they want to. They’ve proven they’re not fussed about upsetting neighbours with noise. Imagine how annoying it would be if you stopped your kids playing, so they missed out on the fun, only for neighbours kids to make a racket in 10 years time.

Anyway the days are getting shorter and the weather is getting worse, so outdoor play will start to be limited.

user1477391263 · 21/09/2023 00:09

Kids used to be able to play on the street. Then cars and motorists took all their space away. As they are kids, nobody listened to their complaints, if they dared to utter them, at the time. Now kids are increasingly herded into their own gardens.... and told they can't even play there. When they give up and head inside to play computer games, they're told that that's wrong too. Really, it's just too bad.

Tell your neighbors to invest in noise-cancelling curtains and a white noise machine.

LuckyPeonies · 21/09/2023 00:22

Definitely not unreasonable. They didn’t care how their noise affected your family, so you don’t need to care how yours affects their family. 🤷‍♀️

ClairDeLaLune · 21/09/2023 00:35

You reap what you sow. Let your kids crack on OP. Much better that they’re outside doing this than inside on screens. YANBU

Mountaineer0009 · 21/09/2023 01:08

Imtheterribleneighbour · 20/09/2023 05:23

Two kids 8 and 10. The screaming is minimal, I think it’s the constant bouncing that is annoying (it annoys me too). Their noise was different. Loud music until 11 about once a month on a Saturday night. Car doors all the bloody time. Car running in driveway at 7 most mornings for fifteen minutes. It wasn’t bad enough to do anything about, but annoying when you have very young children. My kids aren’t outside all the time, some weekends it’s only for an hour, but sometimes it’s almost all day. I won’t make any week day changes, but I will limit the weekend to two hour blocks then to give it a rest for an hour.

i would say your noises are louder than theres, i can understand your point

Frances0911 · 21/09/2023 01:13

The continual bouncing of a ball is very annoying to have to listen to for hours.

squidgybits · 21/09/2023 01:27
Judy Popcorn GIF by Cyberpunk 2077

I have hideous neighbours ATM so I am sending you a squidgy hug X

ifIwerenotanandroid · 21/09/2023 01:28

Only read the first two pages. This jumped out at me from the OP:

I said as I already limit when they can be outside (it’s 830 - 845 in the morning and 330 -730 in the afternoon during the week and 930 - 800 on weekends) it’s not constantly happening in those times but limited to.

So 15 minutes before they go to school & 4 hours afterwards every weekday, & 10 and a half hours Saturday & 10 & a half hours Sunday? Basically all the time they're at home & not actually asleep, then. What exactly are you limiting - especially when you say you let them do whatever they want during that time?

YABU

Original poster
Imtheterribleneighbour · 21/09/2023 01:52

As I said above, those are the times the kids are limited to. But the aren’t out there all the time.

I do understand that kid’s playing basketball is very annoying to listen to. But so is music blasted as loud as possible in their backyard. So I will give kids a few more limits with their play, but other than that I am happy to be unreasonable.

OP posts:
Lahdedahiam · 21/09/2023 02:14

TBH you sound like a really poor parent that seems to have no control over the children. Saying there is no point asking the boys to do something else as they won't, is ridiculous. You set the rules not them.

This is not really about you paying back the noise situation, you just can't control your children. You're going to have massive issues in the future with this sort of dreadful lax parenting.

Firefly1987 · 21/09/2023 02:21

You "can't be arsed" parenting your children? Wow! I'm not a parent yet but I'm surprised any parent would actually admit to this. The bouncing annoys you too, I'm not sure why you are letting it continue unless like previous OP said you just have zero control over your kids which is a bit worrying.

Original poster
Imtheterribleneighbour · 21/09/2023 03:21

I can get them to come inside and do something else. I can’t make them play outside without a ball that doesn’t involve annoying the crap out of each other and then a lot of shouting. I was hoping to get responses from people that actually have kids the same ages, not people with babies that suddenly have all the answers.

OP posts:
AngeloMysterioso · 21/09/2023 03:35

It’s not like your boys are out there making a racket until the small hours. I wouldn’t curtail them doing something physical, that is good for their physical and mental health, in their own garden at a reasonable time of the day, just because your neighbours aren’t enjoying getting a dose of their own medicine. They didn’t give a fuck about disturbing you in the middle of the night, why should you give a fuck about disturbing them in the middle of the day?!

(I should probably mention here that I’m pregnant and right now in a very bad mood)

Lahdedahiam · 21/09/2023 03:39

Imtheterribleneighbour · 21/09/2023 03:21

I can get them to come inside and do something else. I can’t make them play outside without a ball that doesn’t involve annoying the crap out of each other and then a lot of shouting. I was hoping to get responses from people that actually have kids the same ages, not people with babies that suddenly have all the answers.

I've had children the age yours are two boys, the way I dealt with it was by parenting them and teaching them consideration for others.

I taught them that being loud, arguing, shouting playing basket ball for hours on end was not acceptable.

You could always take the basket ball ring down...... oh wait that would be parenting, your children, you wouldn't be able to do that!

TheMountainsCall · 21/09/2023 03:45

Imtheterribleneighbour · 21/09/2023 03:21

I can get them to come inside and do something else. I can’t make them play outside without a ball that doesn’t involve annoying the crap out of each other and then a lot of shouting. I was hoping to get responses from people that actually have kids the same ages, not people with babies that suddenly have all the answers.

My large brood are all grown, so am I allowed to comment? How about organising some activities with them in the backyard? Small pool, even a paddling pool, art and craft, garden crafts, swing ball, drawing on concrete. There are books with lots of great outdoor activities you can do with them. Hopscotch. Teach them that and it may keep them busy for ages. I don't know what their interests are, but just some ideas.

I don't actually think you should stop them being normal children but I'd limit the bouncing and anything that could be considered excessive shouting and screaming.

Sceptre86 · 21/09/2023 03:58

You've limited it enough. They made plenty of noise pre them having kids and didn't care when it was yours getting disturbed. Well now it's tough luck. I'd not allow it before 9am on weekends or after 8pm but otherwise it's fair game.

My next door neighbour's son would play from 3.30pm-5.30pm when it was dry and then longer in the summer. I can't say I loved the noise but I made sure to put my baby's at the time to nap earlier so they wouldn't get disturbed or in rooms at the back of the house as he played out front. Neighbour's son is older now and rarely plays outside whereas I have a net for mine that I need to set up. It's swings and roundabouts and some compromise has to be made when you live near other people, which you've already done, now it's their turn.

DameWhiskers · 21/09/2023 04:36

Imtheterribleneighbour · 21/09/2023 03:21

I can get them to come inside and do something else. I can’t make them play outside without a ball that doesn’t involve annoying the crap out of each other and then a lot of shouting. I was hoping to get responses from people that actually have kids the same ages, not people with babies that suddenly have all the answers.

Why can't you? You're the parent.

  1. Limit the times balls are used, and/or lay down a mat to absorb the impact of the ball and lower the noise.
  1. Ask your kids not to yell/scream when outside. Explain why.
  1. Reward them for doing the right thing. (Age-appropriate: could be just positive praise, or sport equipment, a game, whatever.)
bopbey · 21/09/2023 04:51

I don't understand why dc playing in the garden abbots people,, it's a completely normal background sound to me like lawnmowers, diy, police sirens but I'm used to a bit of noise I guess.

Libmama · 21/09/2023 04:51

My boys are noisy in the garden too. They are 9 and 5. The eldest was constantly kicking a ball against the wall at one point and it annoyed me so much I bought him a rebounder.
No one has complained but if they did I’d get the kids to be quiet or make them go to the park to play football. There’s nothing worse than noisy neighbours when you’ve got a sleeping baby!

bopbey · 21/09/2023 04:54

There’s nothing worse than noisy neighbours when you’ve got a sleeping baby!

Don't babies filter out noise though? I used to hoover & use blenders when mine were asleep & not a peep.