To think we should up the age of consent to 18?

[whatnet]

I just have this utterly sick feeling about the constant narrative pushed in the UK about a CHILD being ‘16’ and therefore, “what is your problem?”… “it’s ‘legal’” I am so sick of the exploitation of our girls in this country. Our CHILDREN. Our future. Who do not have a voice, because they are children. They need to be protected. I will pre empt some of your arguments. The UK government has classified the violence against Women and Girls as a “National Threat”

https://lordslibrary.parliament.uk/tackling-violence-against-women-and-girls-in-the-uk/

A 16 year old girl is a child and should be protected as a child, by law.

I agree with you on the staggered age of consent, but also think it's difficult to criminalise what a grown woman does with her own body. And many 17 year olds are grown women, no matter what the law says.

In general it's hard to enshrine power dynamics into law. When I was 16 I slept with my boyfriend who was 20. This was, and is still now, fine with me - all round a great choice, he was genuinely in love with me and treated me well, it was very mutual. I was without a doubt old enough to consent. When I was 18 I got into a serious relationship with a man who was 25. I feel a bit weird about it, now that I'm in my 30s. I find it hard to say why - he just has always been such an adult, and I think exploited the fact that I was so young to make me accept controlling behaviour that I would never have accepted had I been the same age as him. The boyfriend I had when I was 16 never seemed to use his age in this way, or take advantage, which is where the difference lies.

I don't think the law should track this, to be clear. But I do think that there is something extremely morally deviant about adult men targeting young girls, and it's not easy to draw the law so that it puts these deviant men on the wrong side of the line, and the young men engaged in normal relationships on the right side.

This makes a lot of sense. What country is it?

You can have controlling behaviour at any age. There is nothing inherently controlling about 18 yo girl and 25 yo man. Not in my view.
Certainly not in same league as 16 and 30, where I do agree it's not on.
It's not on to make something illegal because some situations are controlling.

If this is in response to me, I agree with you. That's exactly what I'm saying. That you can't make an entire situation illegal just because some instances of it are shit.

14/15 yr olds are not usually prosecuted unless racism and classism cause the police to use “discretion” in a manner which perpetuates oppression.

The Romeo and Juliet laws do raise the age of consent to 18 and also build in a legal basis for your “discretion”.

Romeo and Juliet laws do not excuse rape between 16yr olds. Rape by coercion is still rape and having some sort of alegal “discretion” doesn’t change that at all.

This is interesting but what happens when a 16 and a 17 year old start sleeping together and then the 17 year old turns 18?

I think the most pathetic excuse made for both Phillip Schofield and Huw Edwards was that their behaviour was "not illegal" as if this absolved them of any blame.

Now Russell Brand and a schoolgirl... "not illegal". It should have been, in my opinion.

And if it had been illegal would that have deterred them? Maybe not, but at least they could have been prosecuted which is what they deserve. Having said that, I do think that some sort of Romeo and Juliet law would be a good idea.

You cannot legislate for controlling men, well certainly not based on an age based restriction.

The men who are controlling and abusive at 30 were probably also controlling and abusive at 18. They may have honed their techniques but it just doesn't change the fact.

Maybe it would make sense to have a set date your an adult at 18 and have everything the same.

No driving until 18
No gender changes to 18, there's another bonkers no minimum age to change gender but you can't get a tattoo to 18.
No sex or marriage to 18.
No joining the military to 18.
No voting to 18

@Sugarfree23 All teenagers are not going to wait till they are 18 to have sex. I do agree with the rest though.

OK but I have to say that I don't think a 25yo man dating an 18 yr old is morally deviant. 30 and 16? Absolutely deviant.
And we all tend to think people who are a bit older know better.
I was 21, my boyfriend 26.
I thought he knew more than more but that's on me, not him. He was a sweet uncontrolling guy. I thought he knew what he was doing in areas of his life that didn'tinvolve our relationship so failed to be a sounding board. He thought I didn't care. Sad really.

I was 14 and he was 24 😞 I was groomed and was not old enough to make decisions or understand what was happening.

I’m not sure changing the age of consent would help. I think there’s a huge difference between 2 15/16 year olds having sex with each other and a 14 year old having sex with a 24 year old man. More needs to be done to protect vulnerable teenagers and to educate them about grooming.

I agree it's impossible to Police and not all teens will wait.

They'd need to up marriage in Scotland to 18 too, i missed that off my list, can't be many who are married at 16/17.

What makes zero sense is multiple ages for when things apply.
You can get married but not raise a toast.
Have a baby but not be a responsible adult to take them to softplay.

I'm not at the 16/18 stage yet but I'm told there are crazy rules about hotel rooms too. 16 they are charged as adults but can't share with another 16 yo.

I agree with this. It seems a sensible solution (though I would still say min age of 16)

Young people will fool around and if it's with other people of their own age it's less of an issue.

It's a massive issue if a 30 year old has a "relationship" with a 16 year old and it's "OK" because it's legal.

Those that think it should be raised to 18, at what age did you lose your virginity?

For me I was 17 and he was 21. We were in a relationship for 6 years and broke up, ultimately, because I grew up and wasn't the same person at 23 as I was at 17.

If the age of consent in my scenario had been 18, we wouldn't have been a couple. My life could have turned out very differently (as I moved to be nearer to him when I was 19), but the relationship didn't harm me.

As PP have said, it won't stop predators from preying on the vulnerable that are over this age, but it may stop some of the inappropriate relationships from starting in the first place.

I think of the RB story of the 16 year old girl whose taxi driver practically begged her not to go to his house. Those are the scenarios that might be able to be stopped.

@Lovemusic82, sorry to hear that. It was abuse and I don't believe changing age of concent will change it either.

I remember many girls in school boasting about much older boyfriends. At the time it seemed normal but I look back and thing how abusive was that!
Thinking back the girls were never the girls ones with a stable family home, it was always girls with separated parents or vulnerable in some way.

It might still help though. According to the woman in the Brand documentary, he made sure she was 16, because he wanted to make sure she was "legal". Her mother knew, but had no recourse - if she'd been 15 her mother could have said (the time she met him) "I'm telling the police you're having sex with my underage daughter".

Ok, so 21 then.

I don't think it's a "bat shit crazy suggestion" to limit consent by older people to younger people.

I honestly picked 25 because these rules tend to be bent, and I was thinking about celebs like Dicaprio, Scott Disick etc but it is essentially an issue with older teens.

There is a massive difference in maturity and life experience between an 18yo and a 25yo, and almost certainly a significant power imbalance. It's not a relationship that should be encouraged IMO.

That being said, an 18yo is ultimately an adult and can make their own choices. We can't infantilize young adults well into their 20s.

The idea of a PP to restrict who people can sleep with up to the age of 25 is completely insane. What's the problem with a 23yo and a 27yo for example?

That being said, an 18yo is ultimately an adult and can make their own choices. We can't infantilize young adults well into their 20s.

Exactly you also have to consider many couples have big age gaps. I have two friends with 10 year gaps one a 20 year gap.
They all met their spouses when they were in their late teens. The women are now in about 50 and all happily married.

And I see a difference between those more equal relationships and the girls a few years younger who I consider were groomed at school.

But that's the thing when people assume being older = more life experience and a power imbalance.

Which many, many MNetters assume.

It doesn't.

There are different cultures, people with ND, so many other issues.

When it's a younger person in a financial or sexual situation with an older person we say 'power imbalance' with the younger being automatically the victim but if the older could be vulnerable for many reasons.

And a 50/60/70 year old could be a victim or a predator. How do we know? So age will never be the best guage because it's not as simple as that.

Fair point@TussleBack, but in general, a teenager will be more vulnerable to exploitation than an adult, because they’re still a child. Unless the adult has special needs or an illness that makes them especially vulnerable such as dementia, etc.

My mum married my dad when she was 19, and he was 24. But you now think that should have been not allowed?

It makes no sense to further restrict adults once they turn 18. Yes, an 18 year old with someone in their 30s might raise some eyebrows, but an 18 year old is an adult and (unless vulnerable in other ways), can make their own decisions, both wise and unwise.

I agree there should be a change in the law to protect teens under 18.
The laws are antiquated and inconsistant for example get married at 16, join the army at 16 but cant drink alcohol , smoke or vote until 18- its batshit.
They could leave the age of consent at 16 but make it illegal for anyone over the age of 18 to have sex with a 16 or 17 year old. Simple
That way if your 16 year old daughter ( or son) is being exploited by a 30 something man ( or woman) thr law will give you recourse and provide some protection. It also sends a clear message to society that adults having sex with 16 year olds isnt ok.

I guess it would make more sense to say the partner myst be no more than X years older than the 16 or 17 year old

But the you will have a couple aged 16 and 17. Legal for them to have sex, until the 17 year old turns 18. Do they split up, or abstain for 2 years?