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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be creeped out by my interviewer

102 replies

Peregrine93 · 18/09/2023 10:29

Hello,

I am a long time mumsnet lurker but finally made an account to get some advice.

I am a single mum going back to work and finally managed to get an interview and got offered the job during the interview which is amazing but I got a creepy vibe and I’m not sure what to do or if I’m overreacting?

It seems a really great job and I even got offered over the advertised salary so would love to be able to accept it.

It’s an part time office assistant role. It’s walkable for me which is great and they indicated they can be very flexible for child care and they have great benefits with good holiday.

The creepy bits. It was just an interview with one man who is older maybe mid 50s.

When I came in he said “please sit down your back must be hurting you”.

I also caught him staring at my chest a lot during the interview. I do have large breasts so unfortunately I’m used to this but it seems very inappropriate to do that during the interview and I felt a bit uncomfortable.

He said he would love to offer me above the advertised salary because he thinks I would be a great fit for the company and he would love to see me around the office.

When I left he put his hand at the top of my bottom as I was leaving.

I’m so frustrated because I would really like to take the job but don’t know if I’m just overreacting or if he was being inappropriate.

Please any advice welcome x

OP posts:
GiveMeOil · 18/09/2023 10:32

Your OP sounds like you've been trying to get a job for ages. For that reason, I would take it.
But I'd go into it fully prepared to just walk away at the first sight of anything dodgy and to be ready to tell him exactly why.

StoatofDisarray · 18/09/2023 10:33

Don't take the job and report him to the company.

user1471518104 · 18/09/2023 10:33

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aprilshowers2015 · 18/09/2023 10:35

No matter how good the offer, if you've got the ick from the interview/interviewer, it's not worth taking. Other than shaking your hand, he shouldn't have made any other physical contact.
Remember, interviews work both ways and they're for you to assess to company as much as them assessing you.
Is there an HR department you can reach out to, or did you go through an agency?

aprilshowers2015 · 18/09/2023 10:36

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I really hope this is a troll post. OP, I'm sure I don't need to tell you this is terrible advice!

Clarinet1 · 18/09/2023 10:40

I personally don’t think I’d take a job where the interviewer touched my bum! Also, coupled with his behaviour, saying that he’d love to see you around the office sounds a bit suspect.
If you got an interview one place you’ll get another somewhere else.

bemorebernard · 18/09/2023 10:41

I'd take the job - I would t not in a hunch but be very ready to establish form boundaries and vocalise if creep gets over friendly .

Once you're in you'll get a better feel from the other women too

Woahtheremate · 18/09/2023 10:45

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Wow, what a total dickhead making a comment like that.

GiveMeOil · 18/09/2023 10:45

GiveMeOil · 18/09/2023 10:32

Your OP sounds like you've been trying to get a job for ages. For that reason, I would take it.
But I'd go into it fully prepared to just walk away at the first sight of anything dodgy and to be ready to tell him exactly why.

Sorry - also meant to say that if you do take it, don't stop looking for other jobs. You can use this job to tide you over until you get something else, which you will do Smile

Vallmo47 · 18/09/2023 10:45

Trust your instincts - don’t take it and report his behaviour to their head office!

MasterBeth · 18/09/2023 10:48

This post sounds made up. Not that there aren't lots of creepy men around, but creepy men who want to keep you around don't tend to advertise their loathsomeness quite so quickly.

Taking you at your word...

If a man first words to me were genuinely “please sit down your back must be hurting you” because of the size of my breasts, I would run a fucking mile and never come back.

RaininSummer · 18/09/2023 10:49

Well it's wildly inappropriate and no doubt a foretaste of his intentions. If you feel robust enough to put him in his place you could take the job if it's suits but I would expect hassle of the gropey kind or maybe worse so I wouldn't take the job

MoonShinesBright · 18/09/2023 10:54

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LunaNorth · 18/09/2023 10:58

He’s already sexually assaulted you. He touched your bum.

Don’t take the job and report the creepy bastard to his boss. Foul.

ActDottie · 18/09/2023 11:04

The touching was wrong. You could take the job as apart from the interviewer it sounds like it’ll suit you, then if a week in he’s still creepy just quit.

Thoughtful2355 · 18/09/2023 11:18

personally i would take it and try my best to stay as far away as possible from him. But leave if it ever feels too uncomfortable.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 18/09/2023 11:18

Would you be working with him on a day to day basis?

15PiecesOfFlair · 18/09/2023 11:19

He said he would love to offer me above the advertised salary because he thinks I would be a great fit for the company and he would love to see me around the office.

Yeah, this is the worrying bit. He thinks he's bought you now. That and the touching. I'd be very very wary OP, surely you can do better.

Original poster
Peregrine93 · 18/09/2023 11:29

He is going to be my manager and it’s quite a small office so I would probably be working with him quite a bit.

I understand people saying walk away but I’ve been looking for a while and the job seems to fit so well with everything and is good money so that’s why I am really torn. I am reluctant to let one creepy old man put
me off and determine what I do and don’t do but also don’t know if it will be too much trying to deal with him.

Just to clarify he touched me on my lower back just above my bum. Is that still sexual assault?

OP posts:
IAmNoLady · 18/09/2023 11:30

Unless he owns the company, I would accept the job AND report the fucker to HR/CEO/who ever.

You can do both.

roses2 · 18/09/2023 11:34

Take the job but if he does anything like that again - be firm and polite and ask him to stop.

GoryBory · 18/09/2023 11:35

Touching your lower back is not sexual assault FFS.

The asking you to sit down isn’t an issue either.

What is an issue is staring at your breasts and I would have made it known that you know - I would have said the phrase ‘my eyes are up here’ or stop staring at my tits.

towriteyoumustlive · 18/09/2023 11:37

Peregrine93 · 18/09/2023 11:29

He is going to be my manager and it’s quite a small office so I would probably be working with him quite a bit.

I understand people saying walk away but I’ve been looking for a while and the job seems to fit so well with everything and is good money so that’s why I am really torn. I am reluctant to let one creepy old man put
me off and determine what I do and don’t do but also don’t know if it will be too much trying to deal with him.

Just to clarify he touched me on my lower back just above my bum. Is that still sexual assault?

Lower back is not the same as "at the top of your bottom" as you first said, so I wouldn't classify it as sexual assault but certainly a little weird.

He sounds like a bit of a touchy feely slightly lecherous type!

Personally I'd take the job as the pay, hours and flexibility sound great, but be prepared to make the boundaries VERY clear to him if he over steps the mark with any physical touch.

coffeestrongblacknosugar · 18/09/2023 11:39

you could take the job - but have a few ready to say sentences if he is inappropriate again with you.

Only you know if you can deal with this or not.

CrapBucket · 18/09/2023 11:46

From your username I assume you are 30 years old, my advice would be to take the job but not tolerate anything from this guy and expect that you will have to educate him. From day one, set out your boundaries and have a few phrases prepared, ‘I’m not a hugger’, ‘Don’t do again that it made me jump a mile’ (hand on back scenario), a few anecdotes about creeps you worked with in the past and how glad you are to be somewhere respectful. The general tone being not that you are accusing/confronting him. But still being very robust.

Good luck. No one wants to work for a creep but we all need to pay the bills and have to be depressingly pragmatic at times.

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