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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS speeding

103 replies

Tilllly · 18/09/2023 07:23

Twat that he is got pulled over doing 50 in a 40. Sat in back of police car etc
So now he'll have 9 points - already done a speed awareness course

Told us in the family chat and he and DH were all laddish about it and joking he'll have to get a bike if he's caught again

I wasn't. I told him he wasn't "unlucky" he was reckless. That if he killed or injured someone, he'd go to prison. He'd lose his job, home, everything
I reminded him of a little girl killed locally in the summer by a speeding driver
I said he was arrogant thinking his time was more important than the safety of pedestrians and other drivers- speed limits are there for this reason

Hes sulking and DH said I've over reacted

I don't think I have. This isn't a one off. He'd 30 years old and a medic. It's inexcusable

OP posts:
Mangotango39 · 18/09/2023 07:26

Back of a police car for 50 in a 40???? Really?? This seems extreme.

I am not saying speeding is good thing but that doesn't seem right.
anyway, I don't think you can control him if he's 30 years old and he'll have to live with consequences of his own making.

Mistressanne · 18/09/2023 07:27

Of course you haven’t overreacted.
Your dh is an idiot too.

And your ds sulking is because he knows you’re right so that’s a good thing.

Mistressanne · 18/09/2023 07:30

Mangotango39 · 18/09/2023 07:26

Back of a police car for 50 in a 40???? Really?? This seems extreme.

I am not saying speeding is good thing but that doesn't seem right.
anyway, I don't think you can control him if he's 30 years old and he'll have to live with consequences of his own making.

The police came to my ds’s house because someone reported his car speeding through the village.
They gave him a dressing down and he’s driven sensibly since.

HappiestSleeping · 18/09/2023 07:31

Mangotango39 · 18/09/2023 07:26

Back of a police car for 50 in a 40???? Really?? This seems extreme.

I am not saying speeding is good thing but that doesn't seem right.
anyway, I don't think you can control him if he's 30 years old and he'll have to live with consequences of his own making.

This is normal. They pull you over and have the discussion with you in the back of their car. They write you up, maybe breath test you, then let you out to go about your business.

Shade17 · 18/09/2023 07:32

Hes sulking and DH said I've over reacted

You did, it’s a very minor speeding offence.

Ratfinkstinkypink · 18/09/2023 07:33

I doubt your words will have any effect but you are not being unreasonable, speeding is acceptable to so many people.

HelpMeGetThrough · 18/09/2023 07:33

Back of a police car for 50 in a 40???? Really?? This seems extreme.

No, not at all. If the police pull you over, you are immediately invited into the back of their car.

I've been in the back for 35 in a 30.

TidyDancer · 18/09/2023 07:35

You didn't overreact at all. Your DS could easily have killed someone through his reckless stupidity and your DH is not helping. Hopefully you've given him food for thought.

PinkRoses1245 · 18/09/2023 07:36

You definitely haven’t overreacted. There are so many Road deaths and injuries but no one seems to take notice of doing things to stop these. It’s so preventable by following road rules. I’d be so disappointed if my DS was in that position

RampantIvy · 18/09/2023 07:38

A friend of a friend has a six month driving ban for being caught doing over 100 mph on the motorway twice. They didn't learn their lesson the first time round, and now they have to rely on lifts to get to work.

Why doesn't your son use cruise control to keep his speed down @Tilllly? I find it really helps.

Mangotango39 · 18/09/2023 07:40

jeez I had not realised they would put you in the back!!!! That would be enough to frighten me for life 😂

sjj28358 · 18/09/2023 07:40

@Shade17 its not a "very minor speeding offence when it's the second time and you have ended up with 9 points on your license.

However at age 30 it's his lookout - and as a medic you would think he would know better.

If he loses his licence (which he's heading for) he can't come crying back to mum and dad and asking them for lifts to work.

Would losing it affect his professional standing in any way?

Clymene · 18/09/2023 07:40

Shade17 · 18/09/2023 07:32

Hes sulking and DH said I've over reacted

You did, it’s a very minor speeding offence.

He's got 9 points on his licence. It's reckless and stupid

CrazyHamsterLady · 18/09/2023 07:40

DS has been on a speed awareness course and got caught again about a month later (3 points) He’s an adult and can deal with the consequences himself 🤷‍♀️ I’m not going to waste time and energy getting angry about it. He actually drives for a living so, if it keeps happening, he’ll lose his job. He was speeding in his works van and they weren’t impressed. Tough I say.

jc12689 · 18/09/2023 07:45

Shade17 · 18/09/2023 07:32

Hes sulking and DH said I've over reacted

You did, it’s a very minor speeding offence.

But it's not. 30% of all road death in the UK are a direct result of speeding. Maybe if people took it more seriously we'd see that come down.

Original poster
Tilllly · 18/09/2023 07:45

RampantIvy · 18/09/2023 07:38

A friend of a friend has a six month driving ban for being caught doing over 100 mph on the motorway twice. They didn't learn their lesson the first time round, and now they have to rely on lifts to get to work.

Why doesn't your son use cruise control to keep his speed down @Tilllly? I find it really helps.

Wow!
I got 3 points speeding on the motorway - just wasn't paying proper attention
I don't use cruise control but I've a setting on the car that beeps if I do 75

No point him using cruise control, it's not accidental, he's speeding because he thinks it's ok - the road shld be a 50, being his rationale this time

4 times in 2 years. I'm disappointed that he seems to think it's ok

OP posts:
Original poster
Tilllly · 18/09/2023 07:46

Mangotango39 · 18/09/2023 07:40

jeez I had not realised they would put you in the back!!!! That would be enough to frighten me for life 😂

Me too! I'd be doing 20 in a 40 forever 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Tilllly · 18/09/2023 07:46

sjj28358 · 18/09/2023 07:40

@Shade17 its not a "very minor speeding offence when it's the second time and you have ended up with 9 points on your license.

However at age 30 it's his lookout - and as a medic you would think he would know better.

If he loses his licence (which he's heading for) he can't come crying back to mum and dad and asking them for lifts to work.

Would losing it affect his professional standing in any way?

I don't know

Wish I'd checked and made a point of that too!!

OP posts:
Shade17 · 18/09/2023 07:48

sjj28358 · 18/09/2023 07:40

@Shade17 its not a "very minor speeding offence when it's the second time and you have ended up with 9 points on your license.

However at age 30 it's his lookout - and as a medic you would think he would know better.

If he loses his licence (which he's heading for) he can't come crying back to mum and dad and asking them for lifts to work.

Would losing it affect his professional standing in any way?

Yes it is. If anything it should be lesson in observation, watch out for speed limit changes, run Waze for fixed and mobile cameras and just be generally on your toes for mobile cameras that may not be on Waze and sneaky fuckers in unmarked cars. I also wonder if he failed the attitude test when he was pulled over as it does seem quite harsh that he was given an NIP. It’s possible of course that they won’t take any further action.

ThinWomansBrain · 18/09/2023 07:48

YANBU

hope that he is taken off the roads soon.

ActDottie · 18/09/2023 07:49

You’ve not over reacted

Particularly because of his and your husbands attitude after the offence

HelpMeGetThrough · 18/09/2023 07:49

Why doesn't your son use cruise control to keep his speed down @Tilllly? I find it really helps.

It's dangerous to use actual cruise control on local roads. A speed limiter is the sensible option.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 18/09/2023 07:52

Mangotango39 · 18/09/2023 07:26

Back of a police car for 50 in a 40???? Really?? This seems extreme.

I am not saying speeding is good thing but that doesn't seem right.
anyway, I don't think you can control him if he's 30 years old and he'll have to live with consequences of his own making.

Not sure why you think it's extreme??.
Police stop you for speeding, you then fo in the police car while they verify who you are and if you have mot /insurance.
OP you were right to have a go. Had he been apologetic etc then maybe not, but to be joking on, laddish/cocky about ìt shows his, and your DHs attitude to it.

Original poster
Tilllly · 18/09/2023 07:52

Shade17 · 18/09/2023 07:32

Hes sulking and DH said I've over reacted

You did, it’s a very minor speeding offence.

I'd agree if it was a one off but it's not - this is the 4th time

OP posts:
xyz111 · 18/09/2023 07:59

You did the right thing Op. but if he loses his license, he's a grown up and will just have to deal with it. If he gets a conviction, it could affect him at work eg declare it on a DBS.