Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS speeding

103 replies

Tilllly · 18/09/2023 07:23

Twat that he is got pulled over doing 50 in a 40. Sat in back of police car etc
So now he'll have 9 points - already done a speed awareness course

Told us in the family chat and he and DH were all laddish about it and joking he'll have to get a bike if he's caught again

I wasn't. I told him he wasn't "unlucky" he was reckless. That if he killed or injured someone, he'd go to prison. He'd lose his job, home, everything
I reminded him of a little girl killed locally in the summer by a speeding driver
I said he was arrogant thinking his time was more important than the safety of pedestrians and other drivers- speed limits are there for this reason

Hes sulking and DH said I've over reacted

I don't think I have. This isn't a one off. He'd 30 years old and a medic. It's inexcusable

OP posts:
Cupcakekiller · 18/09/2023 19:04

How does he keep getting caught so often?

DuesToTheDirt · 18/09/2023 19:06

As a one off I'd say you are overreacting, but 4 times in 2 years, and thinking the road is wrong not him - yes, he has a problem.

sashh · 19/09/2023 06:47

I am entirely on your side OP Your DS is an idiot.

My dad used to claim a road he used, "should be a 50, it would be in X,Y or Z" but the school had a primary school on it.

CharlotteBog · 19/09/2023 07:15

Cupcakekiller · 18/09/2023 19:04

How does he keep getting caught so often?

Perhaps he's speeding ALL the time so odds are high he'll get caught.

Shade17 · 19/09/2023 17:08

Rubbish. Speed kills.

Of course it’s a minor speeding offence. It’s well within the tolerance for a SAC (not appropriate in this case of course). The whole point of SACs is for minor offences! Even when you get into fixed penalties we’re still talking about relatively minor offences.

Inappropriate speed kills, that could be below or above an arbitrary limit. I don’t think you’ll find much argument around speed limits in urban areas but in NSLs there’s far more argument for driving to the conditions. I can’t say I have any issue with a competent driver doing 80 on a dry motorway with light traffic for example.

The biggest killer on the UKs roads is failing to look properly. Improving the country’s observation skills would be the best way to save lives if the government really wanted to. Hazard perception tests every 3 years maybe? 87% of fatalities don’t involve speeding and yet the focus is always on speed - very easy to police by camera of course!

Mischance · 19/09/2023 17:12

You are right - absolutely.

How can someone who is a medic and seen the mangled bodies possibly think this is OK?

How can he go on a speed awareness course and still not get it? He can't be dim - he is well educated.

This bloody laddish behaviour and conversations around speeding make me want to puke. You give him hell ....

0021andabit · 19/09/2023 17:14

He’s sulking because he knows you’re right &feels guilty. I don’t think you’ve overreacted - it’s good for people to know their actions provoke anger/ disapproval in people they love & respect.

Mischance · 19/09/2023 17:16

CharlotteBog · 18/09/2023 11:17

I think the issue is that the son and DH are being so flippant about it; that their issue is that he got caught and that he needs to avoid getting caught again. No acknowledgement that it was dangerous, that he has done this a few times before and clearly thinks the rules don't apply to him.

I would be really ashamed of my son if he didn't take speeding seriously.

Show quote history

There is absolutely nothing that is minor about this.

We object to people going around waving guns; but we go all casual when it comes to the lethal weapon that is the car. Our desire to get from A to B at the speed we choose overrides common sense - and common humanity.

I hope your son finishes up losing his licence. He has not go the message yet.

Mischance · 19/09/2023 17:16

I beg the pardon of the quoted poster - I was responding to the person who said it was a minor offence.

saraclara · 19/09/2023 17:37

Four times in two years and still treating it like a joke? No, you didn't overreact.

tothelefttotheleft · 19/09/2023 17:38

Mangotango39 · 18/09/2023 07:40

jeez I had not realised they would put you in the back!!!! That would be enough to frighten me for life 😂

They did that when I followed traffic through a red light in a unfamiliar area. My children were left in the car crying.

FootprintsOnTheCeiling · 19/09/2023 17:46

Shade17 · 18/09/2023 07:32

Hes sulking and DH said I've over reacted

You did, it’s a very minor speeding offence.

It’s driving at 25% over the limit and as a consequence he’s going to have 9 points. The ‘overreaction’ is to try and get the message across that 1. There’s a speed limit for a reason. 2. The laws are there for him too. 3. It’s the third time, you would imagine that after the two previous instances he’d have learned. 4. Once more and he can say goodbye to his license and therefore his job. 5. He’s 30 he needs to grow up!

rwalker · 19/09/2023 17:54

I think your reaction was understandable but pointless
insurance will be affected what about his job does he need to drive

the only thing that will teach him is a ban

save your breath and stress I don’t think it will be long before the matter sorts itself and he’s banned
definitely do I told you so

Redglitter · 19/09/2023 17:58

MNetcurtains · 18/09/2023 08:11

This is completely irrelevant, but how did the person reporting him know he was doing 50mph and if he wasn't clocked on police radar, how would he be getting points on his licence? Or, is the police response in your village super quick?🤔

Show quote history

But he didn't get points. He got spoken to about his driving.

WeeOrcadian · 19/09/2023 18:41

He's a dickhead and he could lose his licence, and job

YADNBU

Original poster
Tilllly · 19/09/2023 21:57

Well he's still sulking...

And I'm not about to back down
It's been a lot of years since I bollocked him, I hope the point has landed

OP posts:
MotherOfCatBoy · 19/09/2023 22:10

If he already has 9 points, he’s only a whisper away from another 3 and a totting up ban.
Insurance companies take points very seriously. With 9 already his premium will definitely go up and if he gets to 12 and a disqualification that will effect his ability to get insurance at all for some time to come (it is available but only from a smaller pool of companies and much more expensive).
That is all because they see it as a reliable indicator of future risk - that one day he will have a nasty accident. God forbid. If he is at all sensible he will consider himself warned and stop there.

IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 19/09/2023 22:56

FFS @Shade17, your attitude toward this stinks - are you related to ( or perhaps you are) that twat Nick Freeman, infamous for helping the rich and famous avoid penalties for some quite serious motoring and speding offences?
And if the OP'S idiot son has already done a Speed Awareness Course within the last two years, ( as we have been told he has), then he is, quite rightly, ineligible to be offered that option

OliveToboogie · 19/09/2023 23:20

If he kills someone won't be so minor thin. Absolute buffoon by sounds of it.

Shade17 · 20/09/2023 21:28

FFS @Shade17, your attitude toward this stinks - are you related to ( or perhaps you are) that twat Nick Freeman, infamous for helping the rich and famous avoid penalties for some quite serious motoring and speding offences?

I’ve got completely clean licence thanks, not been done for speeding for years. An FPN for speeding IS considered a relatively minor offence whether you like it or not!

And if the OP'S idiot son has already done a Speed Awareness Course within the last two years, ( as we have been told he has), then he is, quite rightly, ineligible to be offered that option

As I pointed out in my PP, not sure what point you’re trying to make.

Ffsmakeitstop · 20/09/2023 21:45

I have a friend that's been caught twice and she thinks it's funny. Her family call her Henrietta Hamilton after the racing driver as she always drives faster than is safe or legal.
The last time she was doing 36 in a 30 and was convinced that because the cut off was 35 for prosecution that she was only over the limit by 1. I tried to explain that she was 6 over the limit. She just doesn't get it and this woman drives her grandchildren most days.
Yabu btw.

Ffsmakeitstop · 20/09/2023 21:46

For Christ's sake yanbu.

LlynTegid · 20/09/2023 21:48

Your DH is a problem too. YANBU.

The courts are far too soft so maybe he will not be banned if he gets any more speeding convictions, sadly.

D1nopawus · 20/09/2023 22:04

Is he impulsive in other ways too OP?

Randomly, I came across this article at work today and it reminded me of this thread. Especially because your DS seemingly disagrees with the logic of speed limits.

D1nopawus · 20/09/2023 22:04

Sorry forgot link www.additudemag.com/adhd-driving-risks-research-safety/