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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS speeding

103 replies

Tilllly · 18/09/2023 07:23

Twat that he is got pulled over doing 50 in a 40. Sat in back of police car etc
So now he'll have 9 points - already done a speed awareness course

Told us in the family chat and he and DH were all laddish about it and joking he'll have to get a bike if he's caught again

I wasn't. I told him he wasn't "unlucky" he was reckless. That if he killed or injured someone, he'd go to prison. He'd lose his job, home, everything
I reminded him of a little girl killed locally in the summer by a speeding driver
I said he was arrogant thinking his time was more important than the safety of pedestrians and other drivers- speed limits are there for this reason

Hes sulking and DH said I've over reacted

I don't think I have. This isn't a one off. He'd 30 years old and a medic. It's inexcusable

OP posts:
Vallmo47 · 18/09/2023 10:40

YANBU at all.

Cowlover89 · 18/09/2023 10:45

YANBU

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 18/09/2023 10:48

@BigFatLiar I agree with you with the police speeding. Once they pass the response course it seems a light suddenly switches on in their head and competitiveness comes out. I’m not speaking for all police btw just a lot I know personally. I’ve done the response course myself and despise driving at speed. They don’t teach you this competitiveness on the course, it comes from peer pressure afterwards.

PenhillDarkMonarch · 18/09/2023 10:59

At 30 years old he makes his own decisons... but that won't exempt him from the law and won't exempt him from other people forming an opinion about it.

Doesn't sound like OP is trying to control him. Sounds like she greatly disapproves of his behaviour - that is a natural consequence to twattish behaviour so he'll just have to accept it.

Four times for a grown man and medic is very much twattish behaviour, imo.

LakieLady · 18/09/2023 11:04

I'm astonished that a 30-year old is so reckless. Even if he's arrogant enough to believe he knows better than road designers what the speed limit should be, he will surely have seen the horrific injuries caused by car crashes, and realise that the faster you go, the worse the damage is if you hit someone?

I went out with an orthopaedic surgeon who worked in trauma. While he was reckless in almost every other area of his life (inc. rugby and sailing), he drove really carefully and never exceeded the speed limit.

MasterBeth · 18/09/2023 11:11

You haven't over-reacted. It's a reasonable concern.

bonzaitree · 18/09/2023 11:12

Tell him you don’t want to know about future infractions.

At 30 years old there is literally no reason for you to know every detail of his life, particularly where you’re going to disagree.

Just message him ans say you don’t want to hear about anything like that in future. Set a boundary.

bonzaitree · 18/09/2023 11:15

Also make it clear (if you live nearby) that neither you nor your husband will be providing one single lift if he gets banned.

CharlotteBog · 18/09/2023 11:17

Shade17 · 18/09/2023 07:32

Hes sulking and DH said I've over reacted

You did, it’s a very minor speeding offence.

I think the issue is that the son and DH are being so flippant about it; that their issue is that he got caught and that he needs to avoid getting caught again. No acknowledgement that it was dangerous, that he has done this a few times before and clearly thinks the rules don't apply to him.

I would be really ashamed of my son if he didn't take speeding seriously.

gamerchick · 18/09/2023 11:23

Him and your bloke are a problem here. Dad going on as if it's just one of those things and having a laugh about it would set me off more than the actual thing.

Hopefully your son will lose his license soon. Make the roads a bit safer.

You're going to get a few people thinking it's not a big deal, that the law doesn't apply to them and they speed regularly because 'road conditions'. They're just as bad.

TooManyThingsToRemember · 18/09/2023 11:24

4th time in 2 years and your husband thinks you're over reacting? Fucking idiots the pair of them. I couldn't stand to be around either of them.

Notpooryet · 18/09/2023 12:07

Shade17 · 18/09/2023 07:32

Hes sulking and DH said I've over reacted

You did, it’s a very minor speeding offence.

Rubbish. Speed kills.

Notpooryet · 18/09/2023 12:12

MrsMarzetti · 18/09/2023 08:28

Hope your children are safe from speeding drivers.

Show quote history

With that attitude I'd be more worried about her children being/becoming speeding drivers and a danger to others.

Scylax · 18/09/2023 14:46

You’re not unreasonable! Even for a first offence for a young driver I’d expect contrition; the repeated offences, jokes, and his age and profession make it all the worse. I’m so sorry for how this must be making you feel!

Original poster
Tilllly · 18/09/2023 18:16

D1nopawus · 18/09/2023 10:10

I assumed this was going to be about a 17 year old. Not a 30 year old professional. As a medic, your DS should understand that while risk taking behaviours are higher in young males, by 30 he should have grown up. (neurodiversity aside).

I would be looking at what is driving the risk taking. It's particularly concerning that the arrogant so and so thinks he can drive to what he thinks the speed limits should be, instead of what they are. Please tell me he's not a surgeon?

He's not a surgeon

But he sees the impact of road traffic collisions

I'm so annoyed

OP posts:
Original poster
Tilllly · 18/09/2023 18:21

TooManyThingsToRemember · 18/09/2023 11:24

4th time in 2 years and your husband thinks you're over reacting? Fucking idiots the pair of them. I couldn't stand to be around either of them.

I'm in a right strop about it

I know I'm being childish, but I've taken youngest to Uni today, and decided after all the hauling of stuff and the grocery shop, I don't want to drive the 2.5/3 hrs home

So I've booked into a local premier inn and told DH I'm too tired to be safe to drive home

Which is the case, but I'm making a point too
I'm just still so cross about it

OP posts:
PickledPurplePickle · 18/09/2023 18:27

You did the right thing - well done

OH is being a twat not you

MrsMarzetti · 18/09/2023 18:32

Notpooryet · 18/09/2023 12:12

With that attitude I'd be more worried about her children being/becoming speeding drivers and a danger to others.

Show quote history

Very true

Lonelycrab · 18/09/2023 18:39

Yanbu at all. 9 points is a lot and shows a complete lack of awareness of speed limits; they’re there for a reason, so (broadly) you stick to them. 50 in a 40 is bad driving plain and simple.

DonnaBanana · 18/09/2023 18:40

This is particularly important for other women but there is no legal obligation to get into a police car unless you have been arrested so do not do this if you feel at all uncomfortable

Bertiesmum3 · 18/09/2023 18:42

RampantIvy · 18/09/2023 07:38

A friend of a friend has a six month driving ban for being caught doing over 100 mph on the motorway twice. They didn't learn their lesson the first time round, and now they have to rely on lifts to get to work.

Why doesn't your son use cruise control to keep his speed down @Tilllly? I find it really helps.

Not all cars got cruise control 🤣🤣

Shinyandnew1 · 18/09/2023 18:43

10mph can mean the difference between survival and death.

and you’d think a doctor would be aware of this!

DonnaBanana · 18/09/2023 18:44

Cruise control also has the danger of you losing attention and your car just ploughs into someone at full speed. Very common in America where they use cruise a lot. Only the newest cars have object detection

Holdmysunhat · 18/09/2023 18:49

You sound like a great mum and you said the right thing. Your son sounds sheepish which shows he feels guilty which is the desired effect.

My mother goes easy on my brother’s laddish behaviour and it does them no favours in the long run.