To think it's perfectly fine to also blame the OW

[Kingofx]

I see so many infidelity posts on here with replies saying "don't blame the OW, blame your spouse"

I agree, the spouse is the one who broke their contract and their choices are to blame, but if the OW knew the man was married and persued the situation - even going as far as to battle for someone else's spouse- then I think they are a shit person.

I've been a member of an infidelity support group and while full of stories of weal, deceitful, pathetic excuses for husbands - the stories are also full of quite cruel OW.

People with no empathy, who will often harass the wife, refuse to accept NC and generally act with malice.

I can't picture taking someone else's wallet much less their husband. I think the OW is an adult in these situations and completely deserves contempt.

AIBU to think we give the OW too easy a ride?

Sorry, but you are chasing a married man. Regardless of how bad things are for you at home, you are BVU for fucking up the life of a woman you do not know.

@LolaSmiles all men see Janet's tits, even the good ones.

People are just human beings and if they think the grass will be greener, they're gone.

…And this ladies and gentlemen is the clinching arguments of all misogyny… the poor men just can’t help themselves. 🙄

@Screamingabdabz nice try but that's not what I'm saying.

The good ones see Janet's tits and tell her to put some clothes on and get out of his office.

I was having a similar conversation with my hobby group's child safeguarding officer a couple of weeks back. I said "even if the teen tries to initiate sex with the adult, it's the adult's responsibility to say no". The safeguarding officer understood this straight away. Replace teen with OW and adult with husband and the logic still stands.

Stop infantilising men.

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia he'll probably admire the tits, think about them every time he sees Janet before he tells her to put some clothes on.

Too late, his head has been turned. It's only a matter of time before his life is a problem and he's spewing lines from the script.

And this ladies and gentlemen is the clinching arguments of all misogyny… the poor men just can’t help themselves.

It's depressing first law of misogyny: women are responsible for what men do

It shouldn't matter what Janet, Claire, Tina, Margret, Sophie, Bella or any other woman does or how much boob they show. They are not responsible for the actions of men.

Anything that boils down to "but if he likes the look of what he sees and has an opportunity then the other women will steal him" is misogyny. They're not helpless passengers in their own lives waiting to be stolen.

@babybird123 don't allow this man to have his cake and eat it, you're better than this, he isn't x

Too late, his head has been turned. It's only a matter of time before his life is a problem and he's spewing lines from the script.
It isn't only a matter of time, unless we assume that men are programmed to be both cunning liars who are expert deceivers to have an affair, whilst also being too stupid and passive to say no.

If his head is turned and he chooses to act on it, that's HIS responsibility.
Janet hasn't stolen him.

She might actively pursue him if she wants, but she hasn't stolen him.

I don't actually understand what ow want, is it respect or a recognition they they never are the ones to do any wrong, that it is only men that do wrong and behave badly and we as women should all admit that and forgive all women who have affairs.

You obviously do not want to be accountable for any of your behaviour or actions that led to you having sex with someone else's husband, not even half of the blame.

What are your motives for denying responsibility, do you still wished to be liked and respected by women, many wives know ow do not like them, their behaviour is apparent by their lack of respect by intruding in marriages.

And we know many of the ow truly dislike the women who remain with their husbands, calling them weak for "laying down with them again", none of it makes much sense to be honest.

The thing is, you just don't like women talking about their hurt, and that's the thing women talk, they discuss emotions, fairness and empathy, men are much more closed, if you want an agreeable audience I would suggest going on Redditt, on the dead bedrooms chat, there will be many there who are much more agreeable.

As for wives who have been shat on, this audience is not for you, you chose to leave that arena of marriage, family and children behind when you made your choices.

And that's not our fault.
We understand free speech, you are entitled to your opinion, and so are we, people are allowed to state their likes and dislikes but what is your actual objective, to change our minds ?

To shame us into liking something we do not like in the name of feminism, because it won't wash, many of us do not think helping to abuse an innocent woman will ever be right. We can only hope some of you may change your views as you grow older or wiser, maybe if it happens to your son or daughters that may enlighten you.

Of course women are not responsible for the actions of men.

You can't keep a person in the same way you can't steal one.

It starts small, a look, a compliment bla bla and before you know it Janet is asking your husband to help her with double entry and your marriage is doomed.

Takes two to Tango and all that jazz but Janet can certainly turn his head.

Good men cheat. People don't cheat because they're bad, they do I because of a thousand reasons.

I'm a nice person, would I cheat, who knows. It J st takes the wrong person to be in the right place.

@LolaSmiles she kinda has though hasn't she. If your husband is sitting on Janet's couch and not yours, then she has. Fair enough he goes willingly but she'll have knabbed him all the same.

Would you be more worried if your husband went for dinner with a woman in her her eighties or Margot Robbie? Ah, as I thought. That question was not directed at you specifically.

What are you saying then? Because your post seemed to imply that Janet/green grass was absolutely irresistible to any slavering male in her vicinity.

I say the good guys (and they are out there) would look at Janet’s tits and say to themselves ‘maybe in another life…’ or ‘Goodness Janet, I’m very flattered but I love my wife and I’m happy with that thanks.’ Or ‘Janet please, this is a professional environment and that’s not appropriate’ etc.

Some men do value their marriages and their families over a cheap shag.

Here we go with all the you can't take a person comments. Well you absolutely can. If you're covered in baby sick and absolutely frazzled and Janet in Accounts has got her tits out don't for one minute think she can't take your husband

This made me giggle.

I think the truth is somewhere in the middle. There are some people on earth who would never cheat. Some people on earth who would definitely cheat. And most of us lie somewhere in the middle.

Apply the right circumstances, and a lot of people who thought they'd never do it might end up doing something they regret enormously.

You can judge the OW anyway you like but unless she was a friend or a relative, she has no loyalty to a woman she doesn't know.

The concept of blame is a strange one because it implies the marriage breakdown is the OW's responsibility as well whereas that lies firmly with the married man. Same applies with cheating women and betrayed husbands.

@Cupcakekiller don't you think we all have a responsibility not to be shitty to other people.

I can't understand attitudes like yours to be honest.

I can't imagine shagging another woman's husband because it's just a horrible thing to do. If I didn't know her it wouldn't make me less likely to bang her husband.

I say this kindly but get yourself to therapy to figure out why you want to be with a man who clearly is reinforcing your lack of self worth. No one deserves to be treated as a object or sex or a object period (this also includes fog)

You have come on to a thread with a load of angry/hurt women who are quite specifically angry at women who sleep with married men in some type of act of sadism.

People making you feel ashamed of your behaviour won't stop you, however what will stop you doing this is finding out why you would settle for a man who quite literally is probably reenforcing your lack of self worth.

You sound young and conflicted. Go to therapy and get yourself off this thread. The older you will thank yourself that did 💐

@Kingofx glad it made you giggle 🤭

@Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy

Would you be more worried if your husband went for dinner with a woman in her her eighties or Margot Robbie?

I think this is the thing most people here are being dishonest about. If what they're saying is true and a gorgeous woman can flirt with, fawn over, act seductively with and so on and their schtick is "no good man from a good marriage would cheat" then I assume they'd all be happy for their husbands to have topless lap dances every night from Margot Robbie while they put the kids to bed.

It's just not realistic.

If someone is aiming to flirt with or otherwise flatter or go for your spouse, then it's entirely possible even a "good man" will end up attracted to them and if they are going out of their way to spend time with your spouse, perhaps chat over coffee, perhaps ask for a bit of help or a late night confidante, then slowly boundaries can be removed.

The idea is simply not to hit on anyone who's taken. It isn't bloody difficult.

No loyalty, no. But how about not being an utter shitty person and wrecking someone else's life.
Go for single people. If you know someone has partner/spouse, why is the concept of leaving them the fuck alone, so alien to some?

I remember many years ago a man said to me "anyone becomes about 100 x more attractive when they're hitting on you".

In my experience that's generally true.

Possibly a controversial point to make but in my experience the OW is rarely a stunner...quite the opposite in fact.

Men cheat on beautiful classy women with women who are the exact opposite.

@Tibbb I think its a mix bag depending on the man. Some people will go with anything as well as really stunning.

@Kingofx I worked with someone years ago who said the first thing men think is will I get caught. This was a man that was a dead ringer for Peter Griffin from family guy so I appreciated his optimism.

I think partners and spouses have a responsibility not to cheat on their partners..