To leave 16 and nearly 14 year old at home alone two nights?

[HowNice23]

I have to go away when my children would normally be at their dads but he may be in the same position of having to go away so we may have a bit of a problem. It's a Friday night til Sunday night situation so they wouldn't have to worry about getting out to school or whatever they could just chill like they usually do, I could leave a full fridge etc.

Not something I've ever done but it strikes me they are probably old enough and I don't think they'd be too phased. But I feel unsure...

YANBU - don't worry about it just leave the fridge full
YABU - I wouldn't for X or Y reasons.

It depends. There are 2 years between my children. They are 11 and 13 so hopefully by 14 and 16 they may get along but currently I'm not sure they will ever.

They get on fine or just ignore each other mostly!!!

Do they get on and are they likely to throw a party?

Party time at yours.

The 16yp would be fine home alone for a weekend; but a 14yo home alone wouldn't be appropriate. So I presume the query is more "is it acceptable to expect the 16yo to be responsible for the 14yo for the weekend"

What are the 16yos thoughts on this

Absolutely not likely to throw a party be side that would involve switching off their computers or leaving VR!

Is there someone that could pop in to check on them during the few days? (Maybe on the saturday night to ensure no parties....?)

It depends on how responsible the 16-year-old is, and how they get on.

My Mum went away for 4 nights, 5 days (funeral not a holiday) when I was 16 and my brother 14.

It was fine. We had strict instructions not to have friends over and didn't. There was food in the freezer but she also left money for food so we had a great time buying the crap that wasn't usually in our diet. She called every day.

This was the 90s so before teenagers were quite as infantalised as they sometimes are now.

I’d be looking to see if they could have sleepovers at their friends.

Is there an adult around who can call in, or would be able to go round and help them if hey have a problem? I’m thinking some unexpected emergency like a pipe leaking or the electrics going off. Would you or H be able to get back if you needed to?

I probably wouldn’t for 2 whole days/nights if you’ve not left them before. Overnight one night, less than 24 hours total, the first time I’d be happier with.

Is there anyone around, like a neighbour, that they can call on if they need help?
For example, once a bulb went in the kitchen and for some reason it tripped all the electrics and it had to be turned back on at the fuse box. What if they lock themselves out? Etc.

I wouldn’t rule it out if they are generally trustworthy and will answer the phone.

however my preference would be to see if there is a friend’s house they can sleepover.

mine are 2 years apart and both are very sensible but leaving the older one responsible for the younger one doesn’t quite sit right with me

If you trust them, then leave them. I’m sure they’ll be perfectly fine and it’ll be completely non eventful.
i trust mine and I would leave mine at that age if no better option (mine are younger but I can see this would be ok)

yeah absolute minimum is having someone local they can call on if there is a problem I think. Though they’d probably be mortified to be actively checked in on.

You can join the army at 16 with parent permission.

So all the 16yo needs is plenty to eat and some money for emergencies and numbers to call in case of help needed.

Are they mature enough to be responsible for the 14yo?

Is the 14yo mature enough to cooperate with sibling and be sensible?

Only you know that!

If yes, check in every day but do not hover!

Friends of mine did this when their sons were 16 and 14. They are sensible and mature lads. I popped round a few times during the weekend to check they were ok and it went fine. You know your kids and how they will cope. Presumably in a couple of years the 16 year old may be away at Uni and ‘on their own’ for weeks and months at a time - building them up to that is no bad thing.

We left our 15 year old alone for a 24 hour period and he was fine. His 12 year old sister went to stay with a friend as she would not be happy being left overnight without us there.

So long as there is a responsible nearby adult that they can contact in an emergency this is absolutely fine I think.

This is fine I lived alone at 16 and never had any parties. My mum also left me and my brother at this age for a 2 week holiday!

If you’re both away, who would be available in an emergency ?

Maybe get someone to check in on them? A trusted neighbour to keep an eye on them?

I would probably make the decision based on how comfortable they are with the idea.

Neighbours called the police when I left my 15 and 13yo home alone to food shop during covid times. Police obv weren't interested in the end, but I did have to return home to prove their ages.

I lived on my own from 16, finding my own flat and paying all the rent and bills, so to me it is mad to suggest a child that age couldn't manage for 2 days just being in their parents' house. But at 14, I think it's maybe a bit much. There's a big difference in maturity there, for most kids. And not really fair to make the older one responsible for the younger one. I think sending at least the younger one to stay with friends is probably more appropriate.

I have some local friends who could pop in if there was an emergency and a good street WhatsApp with lots of known neighbours who I'm sure would step in if there were problems. Thanks for perspectives though. Still a tad unsure even though as others said my own mother probably wouldn't have given it a second thought x