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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 16 and nearly 14 year old at home alone two nights?

125 replies

HowNice23 · 17/09/2023 11:52

I have to go away when my children would normally be at their dads but he may be in the same position of having to go away so we may have a bit of a problem. It's a Friday night til Sunday night situation so they wouldn't have to worry about getting out to school or whatever they could just chill like they usually do, I could leave a full fridge etc.

Not something I've ever done but it strikes me they are probably old enough and I don't think they'd be too phased. But I feel unsure...

YANBU - don't worry about it just leave the fridge full
YABU - I wouldn't for X or Y reasons.

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 17/09/2023 13:29

Yes I would leave them. They are teenagers and shouldn’t be mollycoddled .
life skills and self reliance are good things to learn.

FOJN · 17/09/2023 13:35

I think it's fine to leave the 16 year old but I don't think it's reasonable for them to be responsible for a 13 year old.

You have described the younger child as nearly 14 because you know leaving a 13 year old without adult supervision for 2 days is not OK.

fiddlesticksandotherwords · 17/09/2023 13:54

I despair. They're not little kids, for crying out loud.

If they are normally sensible, get on well and can follow instructions, then of course it would be fine. All you do is give them enough food for 48 hours, and lay down some ground rules. Give the neighbour the heads-up and your phone number, and ask the mum of one of the dc's friends if she will act as emergency contact if anything disastrous happens. Either they or the neighbour can have a spare key.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 17/09/2023 13:56

I think it's absolutely fine as long as there's someone local they can call on in an emergency.

Cupofteafortwo · 17/09/2023 13:59

At 16 I was baby sitter over night for children

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 17/09/2023 14:01

FOJN · 17/09/2023 13:35

I think it's fine to leave the 16 year old but I don't think it's reasonable for them to be responsible for a 13 year old.

You have described the younger child as nearly 14 because you know leaving a 13 year old without adult supervision for 2 days is not OK.

I really don't see why a 16yo can't be left in charge of a 13yo for two days.

There are 16yo parents out there living alone with newborn babies and toddlers.

BananaSlug · 17/09/2023 14:07

Because this is MN and people on here are generally anxious and OTT. My sister lived alone at 16 with a newborn and most people irl wouldn’t bat an eyelid about leaving a 16 year old to babysit overnight

borninthe80esss · 17/09/2023 14:16

Would they have anyone close by just incase (I'm thinking powercut or something similar was to happen) If yes then I'd say it's fine.

Zanatdy · 17/09/2023 14:18

I left mine for 5 days when 17 & 14. They were fine. When my mum left us at 16 & 14 I had a party

NewName122 · 17/09/2023 14:19

I clicked wrong. Yanbu! Leave food and go.

GigiAnnna · 17/09/2023 14:26

The 16 year old yes if they were sensible. The 14 year old, no. I'd be worried about an emergency or them fighting but you know your sons best.

caringcarer · 17/09/2023 14:28

I'd be ok with the16 year old but try to get a sleepover for the 14 year old. I'd leave money for takeaway delivery so less chance of burning down the house.

Original poster
HowNice23 · 17/09/2023 14:32

In answer to why their dad isn't sorting this out it's a good question! I suppose he's going through a tougher time and we do try to help out each other. Boys spend more time at mine so it's more normal/easier for them to be here.

Still undecided on it. I'll ask them what they think when I see them later. Thanks for comments x

OP posts:
Blackblueandgold · 17/09/2023 14:35

I'd leave the 16 year old but definitely not the 13 year old. Can the 13 yo not go for a sleepover at a friend's?

AprQ · 17/09/2023 14:37

Not sure why that’d even be a problem. You know your kids and whether they’ll be responsible or not. Sounds like they’d be fine, I definitely wouldn’t hesitate due to their ages alone anyway

Lastchancechica · 17/09/2023 14:54

They are 16 and 13 not 14 and way too young to be left all weekend op!!!

No way would I do this.
18 and 15 yes - 16 and 13 no.

Pinkdelight3 · 17/09/2023 15:00

There are 16yo parents out there living alone with newborn babies and toddlers.

There are, but I don't know why this is repeatedly being held up as some barometer of maturity. Many 16yos would be a liability in that situation and often didn't get into that situation through maturity and common sense. Twelve-year-olds used to work in the mills, but kids today tend to act younger than they did even a generation ago. There are exceptions of course, so it's really down to OP's knowledge of her own kids, but I'd err on the side of caution, esp as the younger one is actually 13 not 14 and it's two overnights.

Stimpend · 17/09/2023 15:03

I think it's important that you decide rather than them, especially the 13 year old. It remains your call no matter how keen they are.

Minight · 17/09/2023 15:10

I have a 13 and 16yo and am pretty relaxed about leaving kids alone, but would not leave them overnight personally.

TorqueWrench · 17/09/2023 15:22

At 16 you could be working full time so you'd hope they'd be able to cook a meal and manage to not lock themselves out.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 17/09/2023 15:27

Pinkdelight3 · 17/09/2023 15:00

There are 16yo parents out there living alone with newborn babies and toddlers.

There are, but I don't know why this is repeatedly being held up as some barometer of maturity. Many 16yos would be a liability in that situation and often didn't get into that situation through maturity and common sense. Twelve-year-olds used to work in the mills, but kids today tend to act younger than they did even a generation ago. There are exceptions of course, so it's really down to OP's knowledge of her own kids, but I'd err on the side of caution, esp as the younger one is actually 13 not 14 and it's two overnights.

My point was that sixteen year olds are perfectly capable of raising children, running households and working.

So why are posters on this thread treating them as though they're complete idiots who are incapable of using an oven and locking a door?

Clefable · 17/09/2023 15:31

I was left for five days at 16 when my mum went on a trip. No parties, I'm afraid, I just went to school, came home, went to my gran's for dinner a couple of times, watched TV and went to bed! I was a very boring teenager.

piscesangel · 17/09/2023 15:34

No I don't think you should leave a 13 year old without an adult for a weekend

cantsleepwontcry · 17/09/2023 15:35

I have a 16 and almost 15 year old.

I'd be ok with it, as long as they agreed to FaceTime me so I could check in on them

Minight · 17/09/2023 15:38

"My point was that sixteen year olds are perfectly capable of raising children, running households and working."

They really aren't! The numbers of 16yos successfully working full time, running a household and having kids must be absolutely miniscule. Most teenage parents need very significant support, and even then are very vulnerable.

This is not to say a 16yo couldn't be left overnight, but that comment feels like quite a stretch.