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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave 16 and nearly 14 year old at home alone two nights?

125 replies

HowNice23 · 17/09/2023 11:52

I have to go away when my children would normally be at their dads but he may be in the same position of having to go away so we may have a bit of a problem. It's a Friday night til Sunday night situation so they wouldn't have to worry about getting out to school or whatever they could just chill like they usually do, I could leave a full fridge etc.

Not something I've ever done but it strikes me they are probably old enough and I don't think they'd be too phased. But I feel unsure...

YANBU - don't worry about it just leave the fridge full
YABU - I wouldn't for X or Y reasons.

OP posts:

Stimpend · 17/09/2023 12:25

16 year old potentially, but not in charge of a 13 year old.

motheroreily · 17/09/2023 12:28

I agree. I think 16 would be fine of they're sensible and happy with this. But I probably wouldn't leave the 14 year old at home.

Daisy12Maisie · 17/09/2023 12:29

It depends on them. Ive done it with my 16 and 14 year old wiith no problems but they had my number (obviously) and some close friends of mine they could ring in an emergency.

Roselilly36 · 17/09/2023 12:31

I wouldn’t, 16 yo ok, but unfair for a 16 yo to take responsibility for 14 yo sibling IMHO. How sensible are they? How would they cope if something went wrong?

Bookish88 · 17/09/2023 12:32

Given you say they'd normally be at their dads, is there a reason he isn't trying to work this out?

oreo2020 · 17/09/2023 12:39

Mollycoddling case of British kids. I would leave and have done at similar ages.

Overrunwithlego · 17/09/2023 12:45

daffodilandtulip · 17/09/2023 12:19

Neighbours called the police when I left my 15 and 13yo home alone to food shop during covid times. Police obv weren't interested in the end, but I did have to return home to prove their ages.

What when you went out just for a few hours to get food?? That is absolutely bonkers.

daffodilandtulip · 17/09/2023 12:46

Admittedly my neighbours are bonkers and I'm not against what the OP is saying, but even so, what would OP do in that situation?

Nomoremarchingtalcumpowder · 17/09/2023 12:49

I can't see the issue. Assuming there is no learning or physical disabilities?

megletthesecond · 17/09/2023 12:54

No.
Why can't they go with you? If it's work they should understand it's not possible for you.

Sarah2891 · 17/09/2023 12:58

Assuming they are sensible I think this would be okay. I understand why you'd have reservations though.

Overrunwithlego · 17/09/2023 12:59

daffodilandtulip · 17/09/2023 12:46

Admittedly my neighbours are bonkers and I'm not against what the OP is saying, but even so, what would OP do in that situation?

From a legal perspective there is no set age at which it is OK to leave a child on their own, it is worded something around not leaving them at risk (which is highly subjective anyway…). NSPCC advise it is probably not suitable for children under the age of 12, but that it is an important part of building independence. So - whilst I know easier said than done if you have the police on the phone - I suppose I’d be telling them verbally the children’s ages and pressing them to explain what the risk was before returning home.

Pinkdelight3 · 17/09/2023 13:02

I have kids of similar age who get on well and are sensible and I would've been okay with this until recently as the younger one fell downstairs and broke a bone and thankfully I was home but it's given me the fear about leaving them for now. I'd want the 16yo to be a bit older, capable of driving, taking charge etc. to leave them alone for that long. So in your scenario, I'd be paying a friend or family to housesit/kid-sit in my absence, so there's an adult around. Course they might be fine and likely nothing bad would happen, but it's just that bit on the edge for me. My 16yo wouldn't have coped with it without me.

PostBoxErgoProperBox · 17/09/2023 13:04

I wouldn't have done it with mine. But that's partly because they would have murdered one another, and the one who didn't get murdered would have had a party for 400 close friends.

If they're normally at their dad's for that particular weekend, I don't see why he isn't sorting this out by not going away.

Beezknees · 17/09/2023 13:04

16 yes, 14 no.

I don't know why people would automatically think they'd throw a party either, it depends on their personality! My DS is 15 and nerdy, would rather play PlayStation or watch anime than go to a party let alone have one at home.

ActDottie · 17/09/2023 13:04

14 is maybe a bit young but I think it would depend on the relationship between the two siblings

at 16 I was left alone for nights on my own

FluffyCloudsofShit · 17/09/2023 13:06

Nope too young. I'd consider it if the 14 year old could spend at least one of the nights with a friend.

Sueretiredawhileago · 17/09/2023 13:07

Absolutely not likely to throw a party be side that would involve switching off their computers or leaving VR!

how depressing. At that age my parents went away and all my mates came to stay and we spent the weekend drinking and having fun together.

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 17/09/2023 13:07

If they can be trusted and have emergency contacts close by, someone to pop by on Saturday it's fine - as long as they are comfortable with it.

If the decision is to do this though I'd do a trial run of you staying elsewhere nearby for 1 night. Gives them a chance to see reality of it and change their mind while you still have time rather than while both parents are already away!

Beezknees · 17/09/2023 13:08

Sueretiredawhileago · 17/09/2023 13:07

Absolutely not likely to throw a party be side that would involve switching off their computers or leaving VR!

how depressing. At that age my parents went away and all my mates came to stay and we spent the weekend drinking and having fun together.

Why is that depressing? Different people like different things.

Haveyouseenthemuffinman · 17/09/2023 13:12

If you can trust them, they are sensible, they’re comfortable, and there are nearby adults (and maybe one who will definitely pop in) then yes.

my sister and I were left at similar ages. We took the dog for a walk to the chip shop, ate chips on the way home and had a wonderful time. Lived in a rough area too, fwiw.

Seeline · 17/09/2023 13:13

You say nearly 14 - in reality your 16 yo would be responsible for a 13yo child.

How used are they to being left alone?
Have they been left overnight before?

Would they cope in case of illness or accident - don't forget it might be the younger having to deal with it.
Do they know what to do in case of fire - escape routes etc

I think it's still too young to be leaving a child responsible for a younger child. If something happened, they woul never forgive themselves. I don't think that's fair.

Sleepimpossible · 17/09/2023 13:16

I personally think it would be absolutely fine, providing that there is a responsible adult whom they could contact in an emergency and it appears that there is.

bungaloid · 17/09/2023 13:17

16 yr old could be living alone with a newborn baby. I would think the 14 yr old will survive.

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 17/09/2023 13:19

I would leave a year 11 child but not a year 9, I believe its too young. I possibly would in a emergency for 1 night but not the 2. How long do you normally leave them?

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