To not make Christmas dinner dairy free??

[Bellyblueboy]

Very early I know! I cater Christmas dinner every year for my family. I am single and child free but I host for my parents, brother, sister and their families. My parents stay with me for a few nights. It’s a lot of work.

My nine year old nephew was diagnosed as lactose intolerant this year. So of course I will be researching this and making sure his starter, main and desert is lactose free. I even thought of putting little flags in bowls that are lactose free. I was going to order little flags with a picture of a cow crossed out! Make it fun.

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

I order Black Forest gateau every year - my parents love it. Apparently no. He never eats it - I get kid friendly deserts for the four children.

I am a lazy cook - I get the whole meal from marks and Spencer! Prepared mash the lot. I am now told I can’t do this as there are milk products in the mashed and roast potatoes. It would be a huge amount of work to do everything from scratch, I don’t want that to be my Christmas Day and my cooking skills aren’t up to it.

I have said no - this is what I am doing. My brother is now annoyed that i won’t bend to his wife’s demands and have ruined Christmas. I had said he is welcome to come to my house and do the cooking, or host. Or eat at his house then come for coffee and presents. He has told on me! My mum is upset that she won’t have all her family round her at Christmas - dad was ill this year and they have been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas! Agh. It’s only September.

rant over. But honestly give it to me straight am I a selfish child hating spinster! Would you all accommodate this???

I'm allergic to cows milk. He's going to have to avoid all eating out if she's worried about him feeling left out.

I go out for meals with people eating dairy, she's making a drama out of it really. It's not like he's anaphylactic to all dairy.

Get his parents to bring them along.

Your brother is an absolute CF. The older you get the more you will realise. Don’t bother anymore and running to mummy to win his argument. I would just be honest and say i’m done.

However, you are being unreasonable to not want to make any changes or to suggest that family eats at home and then comes for coffee. Either prep the dishes in advance so you know they’re dairy free or just buy dairy free food (even just for the child). Yes, Christmas dinner is more stressful than it should be but you are being unaccommodating for no reason

So being taken advantage of by the rest of the family and providing two main Christmas meals every single year that they see as their unalienable right and make demands about... and it is OP who is being unaccommodating?!?!

Cheeky family - they can host /cook at yours

black forest gâteaux isnt a childs dessert anyway! Isnt it full of alcohol? Or is that just mine…

I am not sure you have read any of my posts, including the first one????

Ask your brother to source all the food and get it delivered to your place. And when someone asks about the black forest gateau (great choice by the way), then point them in the direction of your brother

Why would roast potatoes have dairy on them from M&S?

I have a child who is dairy free so was just wondering. Tbh I would bring my own bits of food with me, we do it all the time. M&S have so much choice now, as do most supermarkets. Even Lidl sell vegan Christmas puddings. The dairy free Alpro custard is lovely.

Did you actually read OP’s posts?!
She is absolutely offering to cater for her nephew. But she is being guilt tripped for not making the entire meal dairy free!

I am not sure you have read any of my posts, including the first one????

You didn't quote or tag in whom you were replying to - but I'm guessing that's because it's addressed to half the people on this thread!!

he's not going to feel left out. what child feels left out at having their own lactose version of mash or whatever instead of the packet one that everyone else it's having. it's not like you're all eating french fries and pizza and he gets left with stew or something unexciting to a child.

i don't think this is about mashed potato but your sil trying to exert some power over you as the host imo.

I hate all of this family shite… My DH caused a scene at my sisters wedding. My BIL caused a row over our baby’s christening. My SILs caused ructions over our neice’s wedding (they ended up not going). Why can’t people just show up & have a good time? The kid probably won’t even eat the damn food… And now your parents are upset. It’s such bullishit.

Only it’s not an allergy, it’s a suspected intolerance. The nephew still eats some dairy, and everyone in his household eats dairy at home around him. His parents are expecting op to make an effort that they themselves don’t!

Fuck me

Go away for Xmas

I'm assuming you are the family scapegoat?

For goodness’ sake. I started reading this thinking how unreasonable your SIL was and how I don’t expect people to cater to my child with multiple allergies.

But now I’m reading he can’t have either type of potatoes, the turkey or the pudding. Different pudding fine, but honestly you can so easily do roasties and turkey without butter. And yes, of course it’s possible to buy pre-prepped roasties (Aunt Bess or whatever) and not all turkey crowns have to be butter basted. If you are going to do two anyway, why on Earth couldn’t one be suitable?

Maybe just sit him in the corner and don’t let him eat at all if you are going to resent giving him Christmas dinner so much.

We have also hosted multiple relatives for Christmas, it is a lot of work.

My daughters are lactose intolerant, we control the easy things so they can have small amounts of “normal” food. My girls both eat ready made mash which ( I have added butter too).

Lactose free milk is available nearly everywhere now, Tesco do their own brand which is cheaper than Lacto-free. This will let him have hot chocolate. Lacto free also do butter, and I think they may do cream, but my girls don’t really eat cream so I haven’t investigated.

Incidentally, all my kids will drink oat or almond milk, and as my husband uses goat milk, my son gets what the girls get. He says it is fine, but prefers oat.

For dessert, Swedish Glacé is a great ice-cream replacement.

Yes! This!! Brother can flipping well pay for it all this year, too!

OP, I think you should go all out and make it all dairy free or even vegan. No offence to dairy free food but some of it is unpleasant..then see how they feel about a weird tasting main, pudding and all the trimmings. They won't be keen on it again..get it all from aldi or off brands too. Not m&s.

I'm blown away by some of these responses.

Yanbu whatsoever, in fact, you're an absolute superstar going to all that effort.

People should never feel entitled to demand how other people host. If you don't like it,YOU do it.

I am curious to know if the posters saying you should do all/some of what they request, are the same people that never host, and thus have zero understanding of the effort involved, even if it's all pre bought.

This is simple for me, if they want it all catered to their own demands, they do the catering. Even if it's at your house.

Your db and sil are being pricks! My dd is lactose intolerant but I would never have expected everyone to be lactose free at a meal! As long as there was food she could eat she and i were happy! She knew what she was allowed and what she wasn't!

But why should they all have to?

I agree it was wrongly labelled and should never have been called vegan. However its one of many incidences for her with different dishes in restaurants. I think she just assumed vegan would be safe for her because its meant to be milk free but shows you can't always trust that it is.

OP YANBU. I would not bend to such dictatorship when you are hosting. You've offered a suitable dairy free meal for their son. I would reply "it's a shame that you can't join us for Christmas Day this year, but I provided an option that was suitable for everyone, it is you that is being unreasonable Brother and SIL"
As for your mum, she is also being unreasonable. You are not solely responsible for Christmas OP. It's supposed to be a joint endeavour!

But now I’m reading he can’t have either type of potatoes, the turkey or the pudding. Different pudding fine, but honestly you can so easily do roasties and turkey without butter.

Go back and read OP's posts again, more carefully...