To not make Christmas dinner dairy free??

[Bellyblueboy]

Very early I know! I cater Christmas dinner every year for my family. I am single and child free but I host for my parents, brother, sister and their families. My parents stay with me for a few nights. It’s a lot of work.

My nine year old nephew was diagnosed as lactose intolerant this year. So of course I will be researching this and making sure his starter, main and desert is lactose free. I even thought of putting little flags in bowls that are lactose free. I was going to order little flags with a picture of a cow crossed out! Make it fun.

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

I order Black Forest gateau every year - my parents love it. Apparently no. He never eats it - I get kid friendly deserts for the four children.

I am a lazy cook - I get the whole meal from marks and Spencer! Prepared mash the lot. I am now told I can’t do this as there are milk products in the mashed and roast potatoes. It would be a huge amount of work to do everything from scratch, I don’t want that to be my Christmas Day and my cooking skills aren’t up to it.

I have said no - this is what I am doing. My brother is now annoyed that i won’t bend to his wife’s demands and have ruined Christmas. I had said he is welcome to come to my house and do the cooking, or host. Or eat at his house then come for coffee and presents. He has told on me! My mum is upset that she won’t have all her family round her at Christmas - dad was ill this year and they have been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas! Agh. It’s only September.

rant over. But honestly give it to me straight am I a selfish child hating spinster! Would you all accommodate this???

Please can you be my auntie? I'm only allergic to pine-nuts so I'm really no trouble at all

Haven't read the thread because it's just so long so hope the topic hasn't dramatically changed since the OP. Both my kids couldn't have dairy or soya for years. I would always discuss in advance if ever we were invited anywhere, and just offer to bring our own to make things easier.

My own family would always cater, but usually something separate rather than make the whole meal dairy and soya free. And if I was catering I'd still do stuff with dairy and soya and just make sure they had plenty they could eat.

The only time I would insist on nothing on they table they couldn't have was for their own birthday parties because I wanted them to enjoy the experience of being able to eat anything in front of them.

Your SIL is taking the piss. You are being very kind in offering to cater for him, if they don't like it they can bring the food themselves. Yes it sucks that he can't always have what everyone else is having, but that's life.

My whole family have so many different dietary requirements that it's just not possible to prepare a meal where everyone can eat everything. I make a few different things and no one ever goes hungry in my house, I'm a bit of a feeder.

Unfortunately I suspect your brother will be awkward, making passive aggressive and snidey comments while still enjoying full hospitality.They'll be an atmosphere I'll bet. The words entitled and ungrateful were invented for him and his wife.

I can’t believe all the nasty comments you are getting! In my opinion you are going to do an amazing job! Planning for so many people and your nephew’s ‘needs’ all the little treats, and special food your are planning just for him!
I do think some people get on a band wagon, and by not reading properly the posts you have already posted to explain, says a lot about them!
Your brother and his wife, needs to grateful, you are making the effort as they seem to think they can tell others what to do, and they don’t following the same themselves!
How very unfair and ungrateful your mum sounds, to side with your brother!

@Bellyblueboy i think of your brother says anything further, then you say to him, that you have 3 options as you see it::

1. host the way you’re intending and do special spuds etc just for him and make sure starter, main and sides/pud are all ok
2. He could offer to bring food for ds as his contribution to the meal, “you know, how sis and her husband always bring loads of alcohol etc.. pitch in etc etc”
3. not host at all, and let someone else go to the effort and expense only to be told by some freeloading waster that they’re doing it all wrong.

dont spare the truth with your brother, he’s being a CF and you know it.

incidentally, how much does this Christmas stuff cost you every year?

your SIL is a very rude word - say no worries they can host this year

I don't see what all the fuss is. You are making him stuff without dairy. I have loads of allergies and I can't have everything at Christmas. I either bring my own stuff I can have or just eat the things I can have. There is always so much food at Christmas it's not like I'll starve. 🤷‍♀️

Horrible thing about having a limited restricted diet is that at times there are things you can not have. It's just the way it is I am afraid.

In all honesty it sounds like the CFs are just trying to paint you in bad light to your family.

Your brother sounds like a bully who will enjoy crying to mummy about how mean you are being to his son and his wife will happily jump on the band wagon.

You are not being unreasonable, they dont even keep a DF household themselves ffs. Stick to your guns and dont allow them to guilt you into anything.

Id have a few stock phrases for your mother if she starts up again. Remind her that an invite is not a summons asnd that they are welcome to make alternative arrangements for xmas if they no longer want to attend yours.

Id also have your dad and older nephews make light of it on the day to highlight how unreasonable the request from the CFs were. Maybe some light hearted piss taking would make them realise how ridiculous they're being.

I haven't all RTFT but how are roast potatoes not dairy free anyway?

It’s so stupidly easy to cool diary free food so why wouldn’t you??? I’m baffled that you would even consider not doing this.

I’ve not read the whole thread, just the first page. I would make everything dairy free as we have allergies and I know how meaningful it is to be included. It’s what I would want to do especially for family.

As a guest it would depend on what sort of food was suitable for me. If there was enough and it was comparable, I’d be happy to go. If it wasn’t I’d rather stay home with my immediate family. I don’t mind taking food most places but something like Christmas I wouldn’t want to.

YANBU but a bit of balance is always sooo appreciated by sufferers, I think you are balanced. You say it is intolerance as opposed to allergy. If these are defined correctly then an intolerance is not severe or life-threatening and it causes maybe a stomach upset if dairy is eaten. So whilst it is unfortunate, the child needs to get used to it and know that it is getting more common and many are in the same boat. As a comparison, my child, now a teen has a severe and airborne allergy to a commonly used food and would not be able to even attend if it was served in the room or house. I would not expect the person to cater for my child, we could only attend if they decided to cater for him and would not demand. People with allergies and intolerances do depend on the kindness and good sense of those around them with catering, and it is so appreciated, as the anxiety of being afraid of food has taken it's toll but we have to be prepared to accept and decline and we cannot have everything to eat and thats that....

My little one is dairy free and I wouldn't dream of being this cheeky. They're the ones ruining Xmas if they won't show up or host it themselves. Do what you said you were going to and tell them like it or lump it

Some of the replies in this thread are batshit,you'd think the OP was planning to make her nephew spend Christmas Day under the stairs with a big bowl of Denise Royle's carrot crush.

I would ask on the group chat why it matters so much to them when they don’t make the effort themselves to all eat dairy free on a daily basis.

they don’t contribute anything to the food or drink. My parents and sister do
at this point, I would take the
opportunity to tackle this as well ‘while we are talking about Christmas, just to confirm what everybody is bringing, Sis let me know if you’ll bring x y z as you usually do, Bro do you want to bring x or do you prefer a cash contribution?’

Are they making a fuss in part because the situation is new to them and they are nervous? Or even that they themselves are upset about having a child who’s in some way different? I agree with you the intolerance is just that. It’s not the same as an extreme allergy or coeliac disease.

How lovely of you to make him his own food dairy free - that's very kind of you

Of course you SHOULDNT do that for everyone else - anyone saying you should is an ARSEHOLE as even HIS OWN PARENTS DONT DO THAT IN THEIR OWN HOME !!!!

THEY CANT DICTATE WHAT YOU DO IN YOUR OWN HOME - your brother is a PROPER CUNT !

I'm trying to work out what dairy product is in roast potatoes?

I don't know if I misread this so please correct me if I am wrong. It is your brother that wants cauliflower cheese and your parents that want black forest gateaux but your mum and your brother are mad at you for not making the meal dairy free???

This, put the ball back in their court. Or your SIL could do his mash and roasties herself and bring it along, SIL is making this out to be a bigger deal than it needs to be.
My gd had CMPI from birth, we as family coped,, she has grown out of now thank goodness but we all knew what to feed her and that was the food her mum sent along on the days I was taking care of her.
But you’re right. He is going to have to get used to food he can’t have on the table,

Are you for real ?

Pre -ordered from M&S. may contain butter.

hush

I'd have univited the mother too...

Your SIL is a knob. Honestly 😖