To not make Christmas dinner dairy free??

[Bellyblueboy]

Very early I know! I cater Christmas dinner every year for my family. I am single and child free but I host for my parents, brother, sister and their families. My parents stay with me for a few nights. It’s a lot of work.

My nine year old nephew was diagnosed as lactose intolerant this year. So of course I will be researching this and making sure his starter, main and desert is lactose free. I even thought of putting little flags in bowls that are lactose free. I was going to order little flags with a picture of a cow crossed out! Make it fun.

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

I order Black Forest gateau every year - my parents love it. Apparently no. He never eats it - I get kid friendly deserts for the four children.

I am a lazy cook - I get the whole meal from marks and Spencer! Prepared mash the lot. I am now told I can’t do this as there are milk products in the mashed and roast potatoes. It would be a huge amount of work to do everything from scratch, I don’t want that to be my Christmas Day and my cooking skills aren’t up to it.

I have said no - this is what I am doing. My brother is now annoyed that i won’t bend to his wife’s demands and have ruined Christmas. I had said he is welcome to come to my house and do the cooking, or host. Or eat at his house then come for coffee and presents. He has told on me! My mum is upset that she won’t have all her family round her at Christmas - dad was ill this year and they have been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas! Agh. It’s only September.

rant over. But honestly give it to me straight am I a selfish child hating spinster! Would you all accommodate this???

I have a child with dairy intolerance. Everything you have offered if fab and I would never whinge and b!@# about eating at someone else's house and them catering for everything. Your brother sounds like a spoilt brat. If they aren't happy then don't come ... seriously who can create drama like this. Child is catered for, lots of food, noone misses out who can find the energy to still complain. Don't back down.

Of course she knows! She created this little Prince😊.

at the end of the day they need me more than I need them. I am an amazing auntie and I know my nephew and nephews really do love me. I confess I do buy that affection - but I also spend quality time with them. I never say no to babysitting and the younger ones stay with me some weekends. They are great company.

So my brother knows Christmas is easier if I do it. His boys play with their cousins and are entertained with lots of special stuff. We make gingerbread houses and I have Christmas Lego in and wire up one of their games consoles. The adults just get quiet time to eat and drink. That’s why they come back for the whole Boxing Day. He was never going to stop that.

twat.

My sister is the same with her DC. Expects everyone else to fall in line with her wants and needs. When we do she barely acknowledges the effort or thanks us for outing out of our way. The main laugh is the DC doesn't eat so it's a whole waste of time

FFS, in tears?!

If they carry on, I'd be tempted to say if the come to the house then it'll be empty and bugger off somewhere else at Christmas.

They're pathetic.

Catering for that many people for Christmas and thinking about how to tailor what you're all having for your nephew? You're a bloody Saint! It's your Christmas too, your house, your money, your time. They can come over and peel spuds if they want to make demands - cheeky fuckers! Tell them to cook and bring DF desserts for everyone (and also wine this year too!)

OP do you really still want to host? This isn't going to stop until you bow down to them. This is your chance to say given the hassle you will be doing things differently this year and then make sure you do your own thing and invite people who appreciate the effort of hosting.

Can you invite your nephews and uninvite your brother?

You sound like a fabulous Aunty Op. You have offered options he can eat. That's all you need to do. If they don't like it they can invite your mum to their house . They obviously won't because Christmas is work and effort and expense. Go grey rock with all of them. Oh and next year book a holiday somewhere warm and don't invite any of them.

Real tears or "Maybe if I cry BellyBlue will make my little prince happy" tears?

wot a surprise.

after giving it serious thought they've decided they will graciously attend your xmas day celebrations...but still be a bit sulky about things.

I'm still not over the fact their own home isn't dairy free, and your nephew's diet when at home isn't always lactose free. And yet they have these hissy fits about making demands of you that they don't make of themselves.

This!

A family member here has Coeliac and if we go to eat at someone else's house, I always offer to take anything/everything for the gluten offender! More for their safety (understandably, a lot of people don't realise that there are many everyday foods that a Coeliac can't safely consume - for example anything containing barley/soy/yeast extracts). I would never assume that everything on the table is going to be suitable for the Coeliac to eat and would never expect a host to go out of their way to cater specifically for just one individual.

The family member concerned has had this allergy for most of her life and happily accepts that they'll be food on the table that she just can't have. I always feel sorry for her if there's a particularly yummy birthday cake doing the rounds!

The child concerned in this post is going to have to get used to not always being able to eat everything on offer. I'm sure his family just don't want him to feel left out, particularly at Christmas, but as he gets older and takes on more responsibility for choosing and eating what he wants by himself, it's going to be a whole lot harder if he's grown up expecting that everywhere he goes, he'll be able to order or choose everything from every menu.

His boys play with their cousins and are entertained with lots of special stuff. We make gingerbread houses and I have Christmas Lego in and wire up one of their games consoles. The adults just get quiet time to eat and drink.

All that, and fireworks too? OP, you sound amazing and so much fun! Sorry your hard work isn't being appreciated. But well done for sticking to your guns.

Oh OP just cancel and spend the money on a spa hotel for yourself over xmas

Let the entitled ungrateful bunch cater their own xmas

@Bellyblueboy is your dm always so dramatic.
My dd is going to her in-laws again for the second year running as she can see her friends too and knows she’ll be waited on hand and foot and the baby entertained.
When she told me I felt incredibly hurt but I said ‘it’s your Christmas, do what suits you’ and then I changed the subject.

I would feel very resentful about hosting the family at all after this.
As well as being very time consuming it must also be very expensive.
I simply wouldn't do it for people behaving this badly.

I would strongly suggest a year off this year, they might well be properly appreciative of the Christmas you provide the year afterwards.

What clowns 😅 I'd definitely be cancelling. Or take DN away with you and leave them to cater for their ungrateful selves.

Your brother has been enabled by your mother his whole life and now is ingrained with male entitlement.

Your mother is of a generation where if a man manages to wipe his own arse, we should bow down to his superiority.

Stand firm op. You are in the right.

If this farce continues, I might be inclined to withdraw my generous hosting offer.

From what you've said, ALL the favours in your family only go in one direction. From you to them. If you pull back, you lose nothing.

I think if I were you OP, I would post on the WhatsApp group that if everyone would prefer it, I will make sure the whole house is dairy free on Christmas day. That will of course mean that there will be for example, no floater coffees. no cauliflower cheese, no cream, no black forest gateau, we will all just have a basic menu of turkey (not butter basted), veg with no butter, roast potatoes etc. etc. Ask everyone to vote if they would prefer this and I suspect that this will make everyone appreciate your original idea.

If the Prince and his kids don't come can I?

I can't eat wheat but always bring my own alternatives when host says what's on the menu.

I'm bloody good at Lego, love fireworks and provide amusement whilst trying to make a gingerbread house.

And I promise not to cry.

Oh and I'm tee total so won't drink you dry but will bring a bottle and flowers for you as you sound a fab host.

I'm lactose intolerant, take my own lactase tablets around with me, and wouldn't expect hosts to overly cater to me at all!

This is madness if they don't do it in their own home.

I would maybe outline to your mum that she won't get any nice treats if the whole lot is dairy-free.But some parents will just do anything for the golden child.

OP, YANBU!

If your brother and sis-in-law don't run a lactose-free household 362 days a year then you cannot be expected to have one for 3 days over Christmas.

There are always going to be things on the table people can't eat. My sister in law is coeliac but never complains about gluten filled options in the table. My husband gets IBS so avoids the sprouts and cauliflower. It's something you learn to deal with. Your nephew won't go without, clearly, so it's a non-issue.

I'd be tempted to say that the entire house will be lactose-free for the duration, so everyone must bring their own dairy free chocolate, milk alternatives and desserts and you'll provide everything else Dairy free. Insist that everything will be checked in arrival at the house and any dairy-filled items will be thrown away instantly. Wait until your brother realises that he won't be having his usual dairy-filled Irish coffee, gateaux and After Eight mint.

Could you compromise by having two tables?

One for brother, SIL and their children. Dairy-free. Focus on options the kids would like but none of the nice "adult" extras.

Second table - business as usual 😂.

"Much easier to avoid cross-contamination this way, brother, so hands off the Black forest gateau and don't even think of having whisky cream with the Christmas pudding!"

I have 3 children with cows milk protein allergy and I wouldn't dream of acting so precious if going for a meal at somebody else's house! Especially not if that person was being so incredibly generous. I would either bring alternatives for them or just only give them what they could eat from the table. I won't even expect the host to go out their way to provide milk free options although I love the little flag idea.

I think your brother and his wife sound extremely entitled and rude. They don't even bring anything with them yet expect you to run around catering to them and their demands??

BTW I love your description of how you opt for the most convenient way of preparing a big meal. Everything bunged in the oven and some mash in the microwave sounds ideal to me. Can I come? 😂

They sound like hard work. Id be saying if hes not happy with it i wont be doing it. Why go to so much effort for someone who will be ungrateful.

They are selfish CFs! So they don't have a dairy-free house, but they expect you to have one? Your proposed solution sounds fine.

If it's such a big deal for them, suggest they buy and prepare the 'correct' food, and bring it to you to cook. Bet they won't.