To not make Christmas dinner dairy free??

[Bellyblueboy]

Very early I know! I cater Christmas dinner every year for my family. I am single and child free but I host for my parents, brother, sister and their families. My parents stay with me for a few nights. It’s a lot of work.

My nine year old nephew was diagnosed as lactose intolerant this year. So of course I will be researching this and making sure his starter, main and desert is lactose free. I even thought of putting little flags in bowls that are lactose free. I was going to order little flags with a picture of a cow crossed out! Make it fun.

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

I order Black Forest gateau every year - my parents love it. Apparently no. He never eats it - I get kid friendly deserts for the four children.

I am a lazy cook - I get the whole meal from marks and Spencer! Prepared mash the lot. I am now told I can’t do this as there are milk products in the mashed and roast potatoes. It would be a huge amount of work to do everything from scratch, I don’t want that to be my Christmas Day and my cooking skills aren’t up to it.

I have said no - this is what I am doing. My brother is now annoyed that i won’t bend to his wife’s demands and have ruined Christmas. I had said he is welcome to come to my house and do the cooking, or host. Or eat at his house then come for coffee and presents. He has told on me! My mum is upset that she won’t have all her family round her at Christmas - dad was ill this year and they have been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas! Agh. It’s only September.

rant over. But honestly give it to me straight am I a selfish child hating spinster! Would you all accommodate this???

@Bellyblueboy How did this conversation even come up? Did they say "and of course you will serve a fully dairy free meal for everyone this Christmas."?

Too late now but would have been grand if you just said "sure" then did what exactly what you have planned on the day, making sure he had dairy free options for every part of the meal while keeping your original menu as well.

I was in fact given my first bottle of lactase as a gift, all wrapped up with a small portion of Stilton 😂 I was extremely happy after not having been able to eat cheese for several years - I’d obviously been moaning loudly about this sad state of affairs.

but yes, perhaps not for a nine year old at the table

YANBU

My Dd has an allergy rather than intolerance, but we do everything for everyone else and a couple of different bits from her.

I/we are absolutely 100% strict on the stuff she can eat being on one table and the stuff she can’t on another and everyone has to serve themselves from her safe table first so nothing cross contaminates, but as long as you’re making bits for him as you’ve said there is absolutely no issue with that.

Sounds like your brother is a bit of a pain anyway. He’s got an absolute cheek if he happily feeds his lad stuff he’s intolerant to when it suits him

Love how some ppl haven't even grasped that the brother wants the meal to be dairy-free for everyone!

My DD is lactose intolerant (and gluten intolerant) I would never expect the whole meal to cater for her.

However I wouldn't serve a fabulous desert that I know she would love but couldn't eat as it's not very kind. She would feel sad she's missing out, and it's her Christmas too. I would find a nice alternative that everyone can enjoy.

Ridiculous, my grandson has been nut allergic since he was a baby, he was used to his sister and parents eating stuff that he couldn't tolerate. Surely he sees other children at school having food that he isn't allowed?

You are NOT being unreasonable. I have lactose intolerance; the only way I’d expect everyone to eat dairy free would be if I was the one doing the cooking. And that’s because I don’t have anything in my cupboard that isn’t lactose free…

He needs to start learning to handle his inability to digest lactose. I suspect that if you give him his own special food he’ll be delighted; it sounds like it’s the parents who aren’t coping well.

Re: the truly disgusting lactose free pizzas, it’s because they’re actually vegan. Most people with lactose intolerance can digest dairy if the lactose has been removed. Vegan ‘cheese’ isn’t usually necessary.

Arla Lactofree (try a big supermarket, or check online) do an ok lactose free cheddar that is made from milk with the lactose removed. Online, you might find a lactose free mozzarella from Tesco or Waitrose. They taste considerably less disgusting than the vegan versions. There’s also a lactose free butter spread - Arla, again.

A possible Christmas treat might be to buy the pizza bases, some different lactose free cheeses and other pizza ingredients and then help your nephew experiment with creating his own lactose free pizzas.

OP, please listen to those of us who are lactose intolerant and have lactose intolerant children. My child also has an issue with other foods and we still don’t expect others to cater only for him. It is part of growing up that the world doesn’t revolve around you and they are being so over the top about an intolerance! This is really outrageous and your Mum is being an arse honestly. Your brother contributes what exactly? He’s a lazy entitled oaf who just wants all the work done for him. I’d be fucked off with the lot of them and not wanting to host at all. They are all so rude to you!

I actually think you were incredibly accommodating and kind to do what your original plan was.

There's not a chance on earth cheeky fuckers won't come. 'We'll think about it' my fat arse. 'We'll make a fuss to get precisely what we want, at your expense, even though it's blatantly ridiculous, and if you don't cave to our bullying, we'll come anyway and eat all your food and make you feel like shit.'

OP you sound lovely.

Its easy to see who all the entitled CF's are on this thread.

I think you should totally step back this year. It seems the more you do for your family, the more they take advantage and treat you like the staff.

Also, Christmas in New York is great

She already clearly said he doesn’t eat the friggen adult dessert so what is the issue? This family are so rude and over the top!

If your providing an alternative christmas meal for him I really don't see what the problem is. I'm veggie and when I go to other for christmas, I just take my own stuff, main, roasts, sausage and gravy and crack on. I really wouldn't expect everyone to eat the same as me, but am happy to share if others would like to try it.

Also as someone who is gluten free, I would never expect a host to make the entire table of food gluten free… that’s ridiculous. As long as you provide a meal that’s for him, that’s good

Your nephew will likely be lacterose intolerant for life, and unfortunately his parents are doing him no favours with this approach. From an early age he'll have to get used to the fact that there are certain foods he can't eat.

You've suggested more than one perfectly workable compromise. Their response is rigid and inflexible. YANBU.

This is such a bonkers thread! I can't see why people think you are being unreasonable. My nephew has a dairy intolerance. His parents wouldn't dream of imposing dairy free onto the whole family at Christmas. You have offered more than enough.

Excuse my French, but please people READ THE FUCKING THREAD
OP is offering to FULLY cater for her nephew. He’ll get exactly the same as everyone else except a dairy free version. What SIL is asking is that everyone eats the same as him, as he may look at others food and want it.
My niece is vegan and my best friends daughter is lactose intolerant. When I had my sons bday party I did a corner of the table with vegan options- sandwiches, pizza, cakes, fruit, crisps etc - and the rest was the usual options, veggies and meat eaters catered for. No way would I adapt a whole party/meal for one person who probably wouldn’t want half of it (as OP says he doesn’t even like cauliflower cheese).
SIL is being ridic, and your brother is tight. You sound very wonderful and kind and I cannot believe someone is looking down their nose at you buying food from marks instead of making from scratch. Really no pleasing some people.

Brother and sil sound like cheeky entitled bastards. I bet if you asked dnephew he'd shrug and wouldn't even be bothered. They're just being dicks. DM isn't helping.
I'd be cancelling and going away myself am sure you'd find somewhere. Say it's too stressful and you need a break from it. Plenty of time for db to host. 😉

And 'arrrrgh!' at Christmas dilemmas in September. How I would love to be able to escape to the equator every December. And preferably all of November, too ...

I was taking the boys out for pizza / I said on the family WhatsApp group that I had checked and there was DF options for ‘Adam’.

I also said I was looking into DF options for Christmas too so Adam would have as many of his favourites as I could find. ‘Amy’ replied and said she would rather the whole meal was DF for everyone. My dad responded with a laughing face emoji (because apparently he can’t type) And so it began.

I agree and I wouldn’t host again. This family are so rude to the person going to so much effort for them all! Lazy arses. I bet none of them put their hand in their pockets either and sounds like OP does all the catering! Sounds dreadful for her and none of them are grateful. If brother comes and makes any comments tell him you won’t be hosting again.

My vegan son would look at me with complete disbelief if I said we were all having a vegan Christmas dinner. Then he’d tell me not to be ridiculous.

I have a very strict dietary requirement and I cant have even the smallest amount of contamination, I find the whole thing exceedingly tedious, as a general principle I always offer to bring my own food to any ones house because it's easier all round. Despite significant issues around contamination there is no way I would expect others to not eat what I cant eat in fact I hate the fuss that arises out of even telling someone what I mustn't eat and the anxiety it causes others. You nephew as he goes through life will have to learn to live with the fact that just because he can't have dairy most people can and this is life and also its best not to make a fuss about it.

I think your brother and his wife are being completely and utterly unreasonable! You go absolutely out of your way to host what is clearly one of the biggest family get together of the year, all at your own expense. Nobody even offers to help, you do it all on your own - and despite the fact you have catered to their nephew's intolerance, they are having a strop because the whole family won't be eating dairy free as well? If they did this in their own house ie. All ate dairy free, I could maybe, possibly get over it. However, he has different food at school, and different food at home to the rest of them, so they are asking you to do something even they don't do as a family?!
Fuck that!
Cancel it and fuck off on holiday. How bloody ungrateful of them!

She’s a rude entitled arsehole! And I’m lactose intolerant and can eat pizza….most lactose intolerant people can as cheese has a low lactose content especially Buffalo mozzarella. Has he actually seen a dietician? It really sounds like he’s been diagnosed by parents with no actual information! Nobody would advise him to be fully dairy free! Soy is actually HORRIBLE if you have a sensitive GI tract too and his parents sound clueless and horribly over the top. Amy and your dickhead brother can host then! It’s just funny they don’t seem to know anything about lactose intolerance and it all sounds made up by them honestly. Ask them what the dietician actually said? ‘Oh we haven’t ever seen one.’