To not make Christmas dinner dairy free??

[Bellyblueboy]

Very early I know! I cater Christmas dinner every year for my family. I am single and child free but I host for my parents, brother, sister and their families. My parents stay with me for a few nights. It’s a lot of work.

My nine year old nephew was diagnosed as lactose intolerant this year. So of course I will be researching this and making sure his starter, main and desert is lactose free. I even thought of putting little flags in bowls that are lactose free. I was going to order little flags with a picture of a cow crossed out! Make it fun.

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

I order Black Forest gateau every year - my parents love it. Apparently no. He never eats it - I get kid friendly deserts for the four children.

I am a lazy cook - I get the whole meal from marks and Spencer! Prepared mash the lot. I am now told I can’t do this as there are milk products in the mashed and roast potatoes. It would be a huge amount of work to do everything from scratch, I don’t want that to be my Christmas Day and my cooking skills aren’t up to it.

I have said no - this is what I am doing. My brother is now annoyed that i won’t bend to his wife’s demands and have ruined Christmas. I had said he is welcome to come to my house and do the cooking, or host. Or eat at his house then come for coffee and presents. He has told on me! My mum is upset that she won’t have all her family round her at Christmas - dad was ill this year and they have been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas! Agh. It’s only September.

rant over. But honestly give it to me straight am I a selfish child hating spinster! Would you all accommodate this???

The nephew doesn't eat that dessert. Rtft

Oh, and regarding the dessert- if Black Forest Gateau is a tradition, go for it, but make sure your nephew has something really nice for his own little dessert. Avoid fruit salad; it’s the go-to dairy free dessert and you get so sick of it…

There’s some amazing ice cream type desserts made from coconut now. Or if there’s a box of vegan Magnum Minis reserved just for him, I think he’ll get over any longing for Black Forest Gateau very quickly indeed.

Slightly off-topic, but you were saying about DF pizza for “Adam” - you’re not making the rest of the kids have DF pizza, are you? Because that really would BU as even most vegans I know don’t like vegan “cheese” 😂

You're getting a hard time here Op and I don't know why. Frankly you spend a fortune every year so your family can have Christmas together and nobody seems to appreciate it. Your own DM jumping to your DB's defence all the time would drive me nuts, he turns up empty handed and drinks you dry then thinks he can make you look bad because you don't kowtow to him like your DM.
Presumably your family think because you're single you have the time and the money to fund this every year but that doesn't mean you should. If your DB and his wife can't be bothered to have a dairy free house they're being unreasonable to dictate to you. Next year I think I'd be going away for Christmas if I were you

This. I don’t think you fully appreciate just how ridiculous this situation is or just how poorly you’re being treated.

You have the power to bring this nonsense to an end.

The demands for a dairy-free Christmas are ironic seeing as brother is talking bull and SIL is acting like a cow...

@Alstroemeria123 or OP could use lactose free dairy cheese, which tastes just like dairy cheese because it is. With the lactose taken out.

I have a son with a dairy allergy, not just intolerance, and I don't expect my sister to make it all dairy free. My son knows he has other alternatives to when we have dairy and as someone else said, he has to get use to dealing with foods being around he cannot eat.

As long as what he has is safe, I don't expect everything to be dairy free. My son has a micro Tesco chocolate pud he loves!!

Oh god no. The boys would mutiny!

I am taking Adam to lots of pizza places and we are marking the vegan pizza out of ten.

macdonalds burgers are so far the favourite. Burger King chicken sandwich also a big winner.

we have a deal of it is disgusting he only has to have one bite!!

Just put alcohol on the black forest gateau and therefore it is only for adults and nothing to do with kids! Sorted.

At 9 years old he is old enough to understand his "intolerance" and therefore being aware he cannot eat certain things.

I'd be tempted to LIE, say yes dairy free, then on the day say OHPS I've just discovered somethings aren't dairy free but there are plenty of other things to eat.

Send them a photo from your sun lounger on the 24th of Dec, cocktail raised, wishing them all a Happy Christmas.

Oh this is a good point someone else made. I'm very on board with your Christmas lunch except kids pizzas. Vegan cheese unless at pizza express where they use rice cheese is disgusting. Its always coconut flavour. You said your nephew doesn't like vegan pizza. Why don't you change the kids starters so they can all have the same. Serving a pizza he would like to the other kids is not kind. His will always be worse than theirs. That's an easy minor change which doesn't impact the adults as well.

So I've read all your posts.
Quite honestly, your extended family are jolly lucky to have you cater and entertain them all for Christmas.
If I'm understanding right, your dairy free nephew's family want you to become a dairy free zone while they are there, but they've not done that in their own home. I thought you'd gone to a lot of trouble to think about alternatives for him, and this feels as though it's a way for your brother and wife to be awkward and unreasonable for the sake of it. They're seeing how much they can get away with.
We also get M&S or muscle foods Christmas food, we work up to Christmas eve and don't have the time to start doing food from scratch. You're doing what works for you, and it seems like that's the only bit of the Christmas festivities that you don't put others first.
Good luck with this year and next year I'd be saying that it's someone else's turn to host. Or booking a nice hotel Christmas lunch for you and your parents, and inviting everyone else for drinks and nibbles in the evening.

I have ARFID and lactose intolerant.
My mum tends to be the host at Christmas so will ask me what puddings to do in addition to her usual Christmas cake, then gives me a couple of options she knows I can eat that everyone else will also eat. I never expect everyone to eat just what I eat as it's very limiting and unfair.

your brother and SIL are the ones being unreasonable, not you.

I have coeliacs disease and can't eat gluten - I think they are being ridiculous - I would be mortified if all the other people at the table had to stick to gluten free on my account - I would want my family to enjoy their meal as much as possible. You have been more than accommodating - I can't even imagine such a young child would be that bothered - the flags sound like a great idea!
Also an easy way to make some mash potato diary-free is to bake the potatoes and scoop them out at then add margarine into the mix.

I think @Scruffington has a good idea...

I love your dad!!

So it's an issue of you kindly sharing how you planned to make a nice meal for Adam and her trying to dictate the meal for everyone despite her complete lack of contribution.. In the future I would limit info I shared with both of them.

he’s 9 FFS….. he ll grow up as an entitled d* of a “man” if they continue bringing him up like this

YANBU

You have done more than enough and sound like a wonderful Aunt. His parents are batshit given they eat dairy themselves. Ignore the rest. And most importantly, enjoy Christmas!!

Ah, that makes sense. If they're worried about cross contamination then serve his first before everyone else tucks in.

Honestly, I wouldnt even host this Xmas as a "last one". I'd remind them I'd been doing all the hosting, ordering and cooking (even if not from scratch, this is a huge amount of folks to cater for!) and no one has ever bothered to cook or pay for anything. Now suddenly people are imposing a dairy free menu on everyone, when there's no need for it and it complicates things. So I'd tell them that I've decided to have a relaxing Xmas this year and will not be able to host. Then I'd have a great Xmas day in my own company or with good friends.

Your sil is being a twit.

Cater for him but don't charge what everyone else gets to eat. He'll have to go through life eating something different from everyone else.

We have a right old range of people here with pain in the arse differing dietary requirements at Christmas. We have pescatarians, vegans, coeliacs and fuss-pots. They just have to get on with it and accept that 1/2 of us are eating things they can't. My husband goes out of his way to make alternatives, but there's no way the rest of us are going without.

But you as the host, not 'Amy' (SIL) gets to decide how you are going to host your Christmas Day event. Your SIL and DB are guests, together with Adam and the rest of the family.

This is something they seem to be missing from the equation and something they even need to 'think about'.

I could understand if you were adamant that you were not including suitable food, but you are. So there really is nothing for them to be upset about whatsoever. All this drama is literally bonkers.

In your shoes, I would be extremely upset that my thoughtful, well planned and extremely financially generous Christmas hosting is being questioned in this manner. It would make me want to say "sorry but I'm not doing it anymore somebody else can take over from here on in." I would also be very disappointed that my own mother was not sticking up for me and having a quiet word with her son that he should be more grateful that you are prepared to undertake all of this work and expense on behalf of the whole family.

OP book a cruise and let them sort themselves out..sod that ,them and their demands at your home.Sorry had ot get that out now back to page 2 of the thread!!!

"I wouldn't want to make a dairy-free mistake, so maybe you [whingeing SIL] can host for this year to give me ideas and see how it's done?"