To not make Christmas dinner dairy free??

[Bellyblueboy]

Very early I know! I cater Christmas dinner every year for my family. I am single and child free but I host for my parents, brother, sister and their families. My parents stay with me for a few nights. It’s a lot of work.

My nine year old nephew was diagnosed as lactose intolerant this year. So of course I will be researching this and making sure his starter, main and desert is lactose free. I even thought of putting little flags in bowls that are lactose free. I was going to order little flags with a picture of a cow crossed out! Make it fun.

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

I order Black Forest gateau every year - my parents love it. Apparently no. He never eats it - I get kid friendly deserts for the four children.

I am a lazy cook - I get the whole meal from marks and Spencer! Prepared mash the lot. I am now told I can’t do this as there are milk products in the mashed and roast potatoes. It would be a huge amount of work to do everything from scratch, I don’t want that to be my Christmas Day and my cooking skills aren’t up to it.

I have said no - this is what I am doing. My brother is now annoyed that i won’t bend to his wife’s demands and have ruined Christmas. I had said he is welcome to come to my house and do the cooking, or host. Or eat at his house then come for coffee and presents. He has told on me! My mum is upset that she won’t have all her family round her at Christmas - dad was ill this year and they have been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas! Agh. It’s only September.

rant over. But honestly give it to me straight am I a selfish child hating spinster! Would you all accommodate this???

Your brother and SIL are being absolutely bonkers! They don't keep dairy-free in their own house but they want to impose it on everyone else's Christmas dinner?

I would just pull out of hosting to be honest. Why are you having to do this every single year, and there's a Boxing Day meal too I see? You're single so it's not like you even have anyone living with you who could help.
It's a massive amount of work and making everything dairy free is just too much to expect. DN will have to get used to not being able to eat everything on offer at parties, buffets, restaurants. It is hard of course, but your plans sounded good and it isn't enough for SIL. So she needs to host the meal to ensure everything is dairy free

This. Being single makes everything 100 times harder because you have no help for anything. Oh and you have to pay for everything out of one salary as well - I'm betting your brother doesn't offer any contribution towards the cost of the food.

You aren't selfish, in fact you have been going above and beyond for too long with your family and now it is time to be the selfish one and do what makes you happy.

Your Christmas would stress out anyone. It's a nightmare hosting people, even if you have a partner around to help, but even more if not. I bet they don't even realise that do they?

It's all very well people going on about what you can cook and how easy it is. Fuck that. Unless you are an Uber keen cook then Christmas is a fucking nightmare and you aren't! It's often suggested in here for people having lots of guests for Christmas that they get it all pre done from M&S. if people in your family don't like that, then they don't have to turn up year upon year and take advantage of your good nature.

Don't be put off by the few people on this thread attacking you. There are twats on every thread. They either don't read it properly, can't process it properly or are those martyr types that think everything should revolve around children. I'd hazard a guess that you being childfree may also attract some twatty comments too, but to be fair, most - the vast majority - of comments are wholly supportive of you, or just trying to help, even if that help means more work, more stress and more money spent. Hey ho.

Stick to your guns.

I think you're very wise to make this the last Christmas for everybody at your house.

Their not having a big enough place is no excuse at all, as there will definitely be a large restaurant/pub nearby that will be serving Christmas dinner.

And if you DO decide to join them there (on neutral ground), paying for one premium-priced Christmas meal for you will still cost you a load less than you currently pay for everybody.

No you should do your Christmas dinner in the usual way. If your sister doesn't like it she needs to make other arrangements. You've given them plenty of options.

I would offer to make the meat parts of the meal - turkey, stuffing, gravey, bacon rolls and ask one lot of visitors to bring veg prepared and ready to cook and the others to bring part roast potatoes ready to shove in the oven to finish off.

After all why should you incur all the work and expense every single year?

We went through a period where my daughter had the same issue. The food wasn't as nice,and very expensive. So we gave her different foods to us, she understood. It's Christmas and the food should be amazing, not sub par. I think you're right, serve normal Xmas foods and give the person special foods. Why does everyone have to suffer?! Your brother and sil are being very precious! I'd stand your ground. If they're not happy, then they can host.

damreign don't beileve you for a minute. Are you vegan by any chance?

Buy him a big bottle of lactase enzymes as a Xmas gift.

You can buy lactose free dairy products for the mash (butter, milk, cheese- Arla is th main lactose free dairy brand).

Nope, omnivore.

I think Christmas dinner is about family though.

To be honest if I have to start leaking Christmas dinner from scratch I am out.

I know there will be a lot of pearl clutching at this - but I get up on Christmas morning - make French toast for my parents with buck fizz. We nip to my sisters to see the Santa presents. I come home make more brunch items and some friends and family drop in for brunch. There is lots - cinnamon rolls, pain au chocolate, mini pastries. I clear that all away and then start putting the prepared trays of food in (turkeys already in). Three ovens going pretty much non stop with Turkey, ham roast vey, roast potatoes, pigs in blanket. The mash is thankfully microwaveable.

dinner at 5pm. Seven adults five kids.

no one really helps. They are preoccupied with kids and tv and opening drinks.

I know some people would love this but I find it really stressful. I don’t want to spend Christmas Eve peeling potatoes. I have guest then. I enjoy Christmas Eve and even Boxing Day. Christmas Day is hard work.

Not unreasonable. You are planning to make his meal dairy free so that's fine - as long as there's nice stuff for him.

I'd tell them that I had catered for everyone for the last X years and now it's their turn!

Of course it's hard for your nephew learning that there are foods he can't eat but I think your plan is a good compromise. It seems as if your family have got so used to you hosting Christmas that they have forgotten the work and expense involved.

It’s you hosting you paying you spending your time . I would love to be invited and catered for at Xmas . I would bring the extras for my child
not to put you out.
Your db and his wife are so use to you doing it they now “expect”
I’d say it’s already too much stress and you would like to be invited and catered for this year .
All else fails just order for you and your parents and go to their house this year and sort out for you three.

I have kids but if I don’t I wouldn’t be putting myself out very Xmas this would be the turning point for me .
Don’t back down due to being gout tripped .
this is on your dv and his wife .

Haven’t RTFT but given your SIL’s comment I would suggest that she and your brother host Christmas this year.

I think that sounds amazing and I think you sound amazing. Anyone rocking that boat is insane (your dad has clearly realised this).

Why on earth does your Christmas have to be dairy-free when their life doesn't? Is Christmas the one day you're not allowed to eat what you want?!?

On a side note, my mum is dairy intolerant. She buys lactase tablets from Holland and Barrett if she thinks she can't avoid dairy. Don't know if that's an option for your nephew.

You are not being unreasonable. You’ve made sure he’s catered for, are going the extra mile getting bits that he’ll like and be able to eat. Your sil sounds pretty entitled to be honest, my DS was lactose intolerant (fortunately tolerated milk ladder well as he grew up) and I would never dream about making someone change their entire menu to accommodate. What you’ve suggests is fine. I’m also a vegetarian and again, wouldn’t dream of asking my mum to not put our meat and all the trimmings or meat gravy on Christmas Day just because of me and my dietary requirements!! I eat what’s there (she’s pretty good and does something veggie aswell I’m lucky) but I’d honestly be happy with a plate full of veg, some roast potatoes etc. they are guests in your home, they should be grateful someone else is going to the effort of doing Christmas dinner and say thank you. You could always suggests SIL brings some bits for your nephew if she’s worried there won’t be enough for him to pick at.

The WhatsApp message is good.

Tesco do bags of peeled potatoes that are brilliant - I just microwave to soften then coat them in olive oil to roast.

But adjusting the main meal like that & him having a "special desert" seems a reasonable adjustment.
But YANBU for not having Christmas Pudding - vegan or otherwise!

I'm boggling a bit at this. Lactose intolerance is not the same as an allergy and is not a disability. It's an inconvenience. The people who are carrying on as though it's the same as coeliac are just being ridiculous.

I catered for a large family (16 people) for Christmas for years, and I accommodated dietry requirements like this by providing separate (where necessary) food. It was fine.

I think your plan to provide dairy-free for most items is great - I think you're right to add the turkey - but I also think that it's perfectly OK for them to be some dairy on the table. You're doing a good job for your nephew. Ignore the dramatists.

You are within your rights to set your boundaries OP. I find their stance a little entitled and odd, maybe it’s routed in grief about their child’s condition, but it isn’t reasonable of them to expect you to banish all dairy from the table. Or to take on the extra burden that a dairy free Christmas dinner would mean, which would probably be cooking more elements of it completely from scratch without help.

I would suggest that as your brother and his wife treat your home as a restaurant, you start charging them! Give your sister a heads up that this isnt about her as she obviously does contribute. Do your parents give you anything towards it and the cost of their three day stay?

"Hi all. As you all know the price of everything has gone through the roof this year so I am unable to afford to cover the cost of the Christmas catering as I would normally do. Last year I spent £X amount and this year it it likely to be a lot more. I feel its only fair that we split the costs more evenly this year either with us all contributing to the food and drink by bringing something or by paying towards the costs."

If you are feeling spikey add "Perhaps Brother could bring a case of wine as he drinks most of it "

What grief about their child's condition?

Their child isnt terminally ill, they dont even have an allergy

And by all accounts the dad takes the boy out and gives him dairy

lol

As a mum with a dd with severe allergies I would never expect you to cater to her needs apart from have something safe she can eat. Your sil is being ridiculous in my opinion 🙄

Yes, but the OP's parents want their old favourites, as they've always been cooked.

She can't win.