To not make Christmas dinner dairy free??

[Bellyblueboy]

Very early I know! I cater Christmas dinner every year for my family. I am single and child free but I host for my parents, brother, sister and their families. My parents stay with me for a few nights. It’s a lot of work.

My nine year old nephew was diagnosed as lactose intolerant this year. So of course I will be researching this and making sure his starter, main and desert is lactose free. I even thought of putting little flags in bowls that are lactose free. I was going to order little flags with a picture of a cow crossed out! Make it fun.

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

I order Black Forest gateau every year - my parents love it. Apparently no. He never eats it - I get kid friendly deserts for the four children.

I am a lazy cook - I get the whole meal from marks and Spencer! Prepared mash the lot. I am now told I can’t do this as there are milk products in the mashed and roast potatoes. It would be a huge amount of work to do everything from scratch, I don’t want that to be my Christmas Day and my cooking skills aren’t up to it.

I have said no - this is what I am doing. My brother is now annoyed that i won’t bend to his wife’s demands and have ruined Christmas. I had said he is welcome to come to my house and do the cooking, or host. Or eat at his house then come for coffee and presents. He has told on me! My mum is upset that she won’t have all her family round her at Christmas - dad was ill this year and they have been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas! Agh. It’s only September.

rant over. But honestly give it to me straight am I a selfish child hating spinster! Would you all accommodate this???

My child was dairy free for years (allergy, not intolerance). I never expected for her to be catered for exclusively like this. Especially not to the detriment of other people. Nephew is old enough to be told what he can and can’t have and why. How do they expect he’ll function at a birthday party etc? You’ve offered lots of reasonable suggestions and alternatives. They’re being demanding and entitled.

I hope your family see sense and recognise the generosity that you provide at Christmas with all this hosting.

I do a large pre Christmas bash for family (as we go on holiday at Christmas) and I always cater for dairy free and gluten free and others without dietary requirements.

You just have to be organised and have appropriate foods for all. I don’t make it all df or gf but give options for everyone. This is something he faces at school and in everyday life so it is for Christmas dinner as well.

You are obviously more than happy to accommodate his requirements but your family should also be delighted and happy that you are hosting and be polite and gracious in their acceptance of how you wish to host. Otherwise they host how they wish to at their home.

THEY ABU, NOT you.

The fact that the parents are not dairy-free at home, but are insisting YOU do this (?and you host them single-handedly for THREE DAYS!) is just outrageous.

I'd be chucking my rattle out of my pram and saying I'm not doing the hosting at all if it were me!

Jesus Christ some of these messages!! OP, I am FIRMLY on your side here, and this is coming from someone with coeliac!!

Please don’t take to heart some of the negatives comments on here saying you should do the whole dinner to suit your nephew. Two in our family have intolerances and one a severe allergy. When other family members host Christmas we go through the menu and I take suitable food items for us such as the puddings/gravy/yorkshires which are cooked separately if “normal” options aren’t suitable. I would never expect everyone to eat the same as us, mainly due to allergy/intolerance suitable food is so much more expensive and sometimes does not taste as nice.

As for flags, as adults we still like those as it shows care and thought has gone in to preparing/providing food that is suitable to eat.

YANBU, and I say this as a coeliac. You will obviously have alternatives for your nephew. I never have a meal with friends and expect to eat everything, same as in a restaurant as not every dish is gluten free.

Not at all unreasonable of you. The world (and your Christmas) doesn’t revolve any one individual. Being inclusive and making something accessible to all (a nice celebratory meal in this case) doesn’t mean making it exactly the same for everyone. I think your family is being both unreasonable and rude.

I started doing it years ago and the tradition has stuck. Some years I even have SIL’s parents (who are lovely).

my brother is the golden child and my mum does tip toe around him.

they don’t contribute anything to the food or drink. My parents and sister do.

my dad has put a thumbs up on the WhatsApp😂. Nothing else. Assume thumbs up means he doesn’t really give a shit what everyone else does but he is coming to my house and will not be having a dairy free Christmas.

In answer to questions the intolerance isn’t an allergy. It appeared in the last year and dairy does seem to cause an upset stomach. I know he eats some dairy - and I particularly know my brother will not really accommodate this when he takes the boys out. His parents obviously know much more than I do about this. So I will of course respect their wishes and would never give him lactose.

if I am baby sitting I get in lots of dairy free options. I don’t get him dorritos anymore for example and wouldn’t have them in the house for Christmas beciase he loves them. I know my brother lets him eat them though 🫣

His parents are expecting op to make an effort that they themselves don’t!

Perfectly put. Is there a backstory with your brother OP? Always the golden child and getting his own way? Would explain his ridiculous behaviour and your mother backing him up.

Unless your bother and mother are like half this thread and have glibly ignored the fact you are going out of your way to cater for your nephew, and think he’s going to be left to starve all day?

Can someone explain what they're doing to their roast potatoes that they need to consider a 'dairy-free' roast potato?

Last i checked, potato and goose fat don't come from cows.

This is a 9 year old, I can bet he isn't arsed about anything on there be it chicken or turkey, I really think people are forgetting this is a child, truth be told he'd be happier with breaded chicken and beans!

The only part you’re being unreasonable about, is to keep allowing your entitled, spoilt brother to turn up empty handed.

Finally, and forgive me if this is somehow wrong, but for one day a year can’t he take lactase as a treat?

I'm not sure that anybody would appreciate those additional smelly 'presents'!

I wonder if they're acting out because they're embarrassed about not having as nice a house, in any event they're spoiled attention seekers and if I were you I'd bow out this year and take yourself on a nice holiday

Don’t you want a relaxing Christmas op
id be booking a hotel spa with food included for my Christmas day
how dare they put so much pressure on you

I’m lactose intolerant, have been milk free for 25+ years. I do not expect dairy options to be removed just because I’m going to someone’s house! When I was lactose intolerant as a kid I would have been mortified if my siblings were refused certain foods so I didn’t feel left out. It’s not their fault my stomach is a twat!

It’s telling that your brother and SIL eat milk options at their house but they expect you to remove them for everyone at Xmas. It does seem very attention seeking.

OP explained she buys them pre-prepared from M&S. A quick Google shows their goose fat roast potatoes also include seasoned butter. That would be the lactose issue.

The OP is making plenty of effort to include her nephew.

Some posters have a really negative take on life. It's interesting how you can take a nice thing and twist it in to something negative.

It isn't being remotely 'mean' to go to the effort of making him something that doesn't hurt his tummy. It's actually lovely.

'That is so so kind of you to make me my own special dish Aunty Op, thank you.' Is what my dc would be saying.

I don't think it's a good thing at all to teach kids that the world should revolve around them. hello trans

I've been off dairy and so have my children due to cmpa (oldest can have dairy now, little one is about to do the milk ladder). Id never dream of making my family have dairy free. Id just appreciate the fact you have options for me / my children at the table. Your sil is being ridiculous

I have lactose intolerance since I was a kid and I would never expect all dishes to be lactose free. I just pick what I can eat and get on with the fact that I cannot have the rest. Considering that your brother is not even contributing I would take no notice. Or tell him that he can contribute by bringing more lactose free dishes.

Buying them in ready prepared

YANBU at all and they are being extremely cheeky for not only expecting you to host year after year, but also expecting you to change the menu for everyone rather than just the nephew.

I host Christmas day for my family, which is a smaller group than yours (6 adults 2 kids). My brother in law is coeliac and I do something similar to what you are suggesting - so I just make as much gluten free as possible, but for things that can't really be replicated I do something alternative for BIL.

So I don't add flour to the roasties or use stuffing recipes with gluten in them, and I make a pavlova for dessert rather than cake or pudding. But I make a separate gluten free gravy from g/f Bisto (I've tried making gluten free gravy myself but it is always a horrorshow), and I buy a pack of gluten free mince pies and buy in some gluten free crackers to go with cheese.

I have known BIL for 14 years, since he was a teenager, and this is how he's always been catered to at family meals, including by his parents.

YANBU for not having everything dairy free. If they haven't changed the food in their house, it is completely ridiculous they try to demand it from you.

I would say that your plan with dairy free starters for all children and getting one dairy free turkey sounds very reasonable. If you find df roasties as well, it would be ideal, I suppose df mash isn't really necessary in that case.

Ignore the toxic, faux-suggestions like "why don't you accept the challenge and change something". You know what you can reasonably offer, you are already doing a lot, and you are thinking about how to do the best within your boundaries.

Dairy free daughter and other daughter was previously dairy intolerant and I would never expect someone to change the whole menu to cater for one of my children. If anything I'd probably offer to bring their food to make it easier. At nine I'd fully expect them to understand that there is stuff they can't eat as it would make them poorly