To not make Christmas dinner dairy free??

[Bellyblueboy]

Very early I know! I cater Christmas dinner every year for my family. I am single and child free but I host for my parents, brother, sister and their families. My parents stay with me for a few nights. It’s a lot of work.

My nine year old nephew was diagnosed as lactose intolerant this year. So of course I will be researching this and making sure his starter, main and desert is lactose free. I even thought of putting little flags in bowls that are lactose free. I was going to order little flags with a picture of a cow crossed out! Make it fun.

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

I order Black Forest gateau every year - my parents love it. Apparently no. He never eats it - I get kid friendly deserts for the four children.

I am a lazy cook - I get the whole meal from marks and Spencer! Prepared mash the lot. I am now told I can’t do this as there are milk products in the mashed and roast potatoes. It would be a huge amount of work to do everything from scratch, I don’t want that to be my Christmas Day and my cooking skills aren’t up to it.

I have said no - this is what I am doing. My brother is now annoyed that i won’t bend to his wife’s demands and have ruined Christmas. I had said he is welcome to come to my house and do the cooking, or host. Or eat at his house then come for coffee and presents. He has told on me! My mum is upset that she won’t have all her family round her at Christmas - dad was ill this year and they have been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas! Agh. It’s only September.

rant over. But honestly give it to me straight am I a selfish child hating spinster! Would you all accommodate this???

@Bellyblueboy I don’t know if anyone has suggested this yet, but just get some lactase enzyme for your nephew. There is a junior version of milkaid lactase available (Holland and Barrett and other places) which he can eat just before consuming dairy.
I have lactose intolerance and can have dairy products with lactase. Just get him some in good time for Christmas and he can trial it and see how well it works/which brand works better for him.

Job done.

Also butter has such little lactose that generally it doesn’t affect those with lactose intolerance.

Unfortunately, that is what life is like if you have a food allergy. Even if the OP made an entirely dairy-free meal, spoiling the enjoyment of a once-a-year family feast for her parents and other guests, she will have no control of foods (sweets, biscuits, treats and nibbles) that might be brought into the house by those guests.

The child needs to know that HE has think before he eats anything. That is what it's like the shoes of anyone with an allergy, or even an intolerance (if he's lucky he'll grow out of it).

But all that caution and restriction beats the hell out of eating the wrong thing and experiencing the consequences.

Op - I think every single poster on here who has said you are being in any way unreasonable, weren't able to actually read your posts very well. And can thus be completely ignored.

THE OP SAID SHE IS CATERING FOR HIM IN THE OPENING POST AND SUBSEQUENT POSTS.

I think rather than get upset by these illiterate people, go through and discount all the comments from anyone who can't read.

Can't tag people because there was loads.

I’ve just got it now - your brother and SIL don’t want to have to supervise him at all. They want to kick back entirely and enjoy your lovely food and drink.

It clicked when you said you have a separate children’s table and that everyone helps themselves - they want you to do all the work and thinking in advance, so that they know everything is guaranteed dairy free and safe.Then they can get in with ignoring their child and drinking your house dry.

Honestly OP you sound absolutely lovely and a very generous host. Your brother sounds like a total CF. Imagine turning up virtually empty handed on Christmas Day.

no you’re being totally reasonable

unless your SIL is generally a dick, she’s probably just stressed with a sick kid, so don’t let it spiral, just be firm and move on

Ahhhhh yes!

Proper butter makes all the difference in terms of flavour for basting

Yes you can baste with oil and the juices of course but if you compare, the taste is far superior with butter

And I cant believe I saw a recommenation for putting flora in mashed potato as a choice. Fine if thats all you can have, not fine for those of us who want proper mash

Why do you host if there's one of you and you're hosting families? Sounds like it's your brother's turn to host.

Btw. YANBU not to make every single dish lactose-free. Providing a meal for your nephews is fine.

This is a really good idea generally, but the OP isn’t his mum and she can’t get involved like this.

When things have calmed down she can suggest it to his parents

I don't think the OP is planning on cheese

I don't understand why it's expected that you do it every year. This seems extremely unfair. Certainly for all three days. Each family group should take turns. You should only provide the venue. It's exhausting to do everything yourself, and I bet you end up having to do all the clearing up as well!

Why is your mum blaming you? Are you by any chance the scapegoat and your brother goldenballs? Otherwise I can't understand why she would be so unreasonable as to not back you up. You are bending over backwards to accommodate your nephew, with additional food just for him etc. My experience of 9 year olds is they don't really care too much about food as long as they get treats and some of their favourites. Also your brother and SiL are very unreasonable if they are not entirely lactose free in their house. What hypocrites!

@SamAndEIIa , there was no need to put lactose intolerant in inverted commas. It doesn't matter if it is an allergy. As a parent of a child with CMPA (as my GC is) you understand how distressing it is to have bowel issues at the age he is and how debilitating it is. Although I agree that the whole family doesn't have to be lactose free.

There's no dairy in potatoes roasted in goose fat, what dairy are you adding to roasties?

I was thinking for the pizza starter for the kids

Not sure if this has been mentioned yet but Home Bargains has a ready made mash that is accidentally vegan (aka it is not advertised or made to be vegan; it just happens to be dairy free). It is only 99p if I am remembering correctly.

Don’t be ridiculous, he’ll have plenty of options and will be fine. He’s hardly going to be jealous of the bread sauce.

The parents just don’t want the hassle of supervising.

It isn’t easy to make it diary free if you are buying in, but more to the point he and his family have to get used to working around things. It’s fine, it’s just an adjustment. But it is their adjustment, not the OP’s, to make.

Tell them to bring a tupperware of what they like.

Poor little sod?! Are you fucking joking? He’s a very lucky boy that his aunt is spending extra time catering to him so he can still feel included and have different versions of the same for others are having. Rather than this ridiculous poor me attitude and expecting everyone else not to eat dairy too, how about he’s told how grateful he should be that someone is going out of their way for him and how special that is? No wonder we have so many entitled young adults these days with that ludicrous attitude.

There is literally no reason for the other guests (and OP who is actually doing ALL of the work involved) to go without dairy and if it’s that fucking damaging for him, maybe his parents can get off their lazy entitled backsides and host themselves.

I think this is a wake-up call regarding your shitty, tight brother.

He drinks you out of house and home and brings nothing.

Use this opportunity to ask him to contribute.

As someone upthread said, it's brilliant to read a thread from a poster who is actually being assertive. You are being more than accommodating!

She needs to realise that this is unrealistic and he's going to spend his whole life around things he can have. It's her job to educate him on what's safe and deal with it.
You are accommodating him by offering alternatives you don't have to completely change the whole set up!

I'm vegetarian - this has zero to do with what everyone else eats. In your situation, I would agree in advance whether there was anything I could do to help by bring eg prepared mash with me.

Your family is BU. I agree that they should be taking it in turns. As for a whole dairy free meal, if they don't do it in their house, why should you in yours? I think your whasapp msg is fine.

I was all prepared to come on here and say your SIL in law was wildly unreasonable. Of course it's okay to serve the black forest gateux, as you also have other puds the kids can eat. Of course it's okay to have two bowls of mash.

But this:

But can you get dairy free prepared? Maybe you can. I even buy two large turkey crown - they are butter basted. So I was going to do him a chicken breast separately (he wouldn’t notice the difference). Veg would be the same and gravy. He would have a good dairy free meal.

Doing a giant buffet spread, with two turkey crowns that everyone helps themselves to, and then a sad seperate chicken breast? That's plain mean. Of course he'll notice the difference.

I can see why your SIL is unhappy.

Get turkey crowns that aren't basted in butter. Get dairy-free roasties. Makes sure all the main bits are cooked in a way that he can share them.

Then knock yourself out and enjoy your black forest gateux.

No the meal does not all need to be dairy free. What you're doing is fine. Have the vegetables plain with the butters at the side so everyone can have everything and then add their butter of choice.

Dd and dh are lactose free and our Christmas dinners have both lactose free and non dairy free foods.

Elmlea have a plant based double cream I use for some sides like creamed leeks and I can't taste the difference between the dairy free and the usual cream.

As someone with a food intolerance, you are honestly just glad when people have thought about you and you have something that you can eat. My only concern is what I'm eating is safe for me, I honestly could not care if I couldn't have other things.