To not make Christmas dinner dairy free??

[Bellyblueboy]

Very early I know! I cater Christmas dinner every year for my family. I am single and child free but I host for my parents, brother, sister and their families. My parents stay with me for a few nights. It’s a lot of work.

My nine year old nephew was diagnosed as lactose intolerant this year. So of course I will be researching this and making sure his starter, main and desert is lactose free. I even thought of putting little flags in bowls that are lactose free. I was going to order little flags with a picture of a cow crossed out! Make it fun.

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

I order Black Forest gateau every year - my parents love it. Apparently no. He never eats it - I get kid friendly deserts for the four children.

I am a lazy cook - I get the whole meal from marks and Spencer! Prepared mash the lot. I am now told I can’t do this as there are milk products in the mashed and roast potatoes. It would be a huge amount of work to do everything from scratch, I don’t want that to be my Christmas Day and my cooking skills aren’t up to it.

I have said no - this is what I am doing. My brother is now annoyed that i won’t bend to his wife’s demands and have ruined Christmas. I had said he is welcome to come to my house and do the cooking, or host. Or eat at his house then come for coffee and presents. He has told on me! My mum is upset that she won’t have all her family round her at Christmas - dad was ill this year and they have been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas! Agh. It’s only September.

rant over. But honestly give it to me straight am I a selfish child hating spinster! Would you all accommodate this???

If they want to dictate the menu, they can host. Simple as that!

I don’t think there’d much if any dairy in my Christmas meal but you’re entitled to serve what you like!

Sounds like your brother has been taking advantage of your big house and good nature for too long.
Personally I'd Jack it all in and take myself off for a nice break in a spa hotel and they can sort themselves out....but then you may like your family more than I like mine...
Still, it's about time your brother showed some gratitude.

It's incredibly easy to make a dairy free roast dinner.

Yanbu about the dessert, but the rest is easy.

Do any your family contribute to the costs of this bit family get together? It costs a lot of money as well as time.

I hope when they are there they pull their weight with tidying and cleaning up and don’t leave all of that to you as well.

Maybe this is the nudge you need to renegotiate Christmas onto a much more even footing.

I can't believe the amount of people who can't put themselves in this child's shoes.

Poor little sod, looking at everyone else's food but not allowed to eat anything except his sad little labelled bowls.

He's probably already had to have a shit dairy free advent calendar and selection box.

Making this meal dairy free would be incredibly easy if the adults weren't making such selfish song and dance about it.

This, make sure brother and SIL have extra big portions too

People can say it all they like but anything which is messed about with and fake is terrible. Its fine if you HAVE to eat it but no one chooses that

And as for the ablelist flags!!!!! One of the funniest things Ive read on here for a while and thats saying something

Ableist is the new in word on here.

M&s definitely did a vegan box with spuds and veg last year, I think it did 4-6 people. We had one of those and one standard. My nephew is dairy free and we have several vegetarians. It wasn't particularly any extra work, just write a schedule of when things go in and then bung them in. Puddings- send him the list of options and let him pick for himself what he'd like. The m&s stuff should be up by the end of this week so you can make a plan. Don't overthink it, you've got loads of people so it'll all get eaten. It can't all be dairy free but if he's picked stuff for himself hopefully your SIL.will relax. It is stressful when they're first diagnosed and you don't want them to miss out.

Dietary needs suck however I would say you've done the perfect suggestions. I would make adaptions so he can enjoy a meal but still serve up the usual.

Would the other children attending be ok with eating dairy free food? Not sure mine would, some items are definitely an acquired taste! YADNBU, your DB and SIL are in the wrong. The boy is 9 and big enough to know that’s there’s some things he can’t have. He also needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around him, as do his parents by the sounds of it.

Totally unreasonable. My almost 3y DS is lactose and gluten intolerant and yes it sucks, there’s plenty of stuff he’s not allowed. I’m hosting a bday party today and there will be plenty of food he can’t have. He understands, he knows how much his tummy will hurt if he has certain food. If he can understand your nephew definitely should as a 9y old!! I think you providing alternatives rather than his parents bringing them is already very considerate.

This!

"1 cup (227 grams) of butter contains only 0.1 grams of lactose ( 1 ). For this reason, butter is well tolerated in most lactose-free diets. Only those who are highly sensitive to lactose may experience symptoms." From health line.com

😂 okay - I wondered how long I would be attacked for being single and selfish.

to be honest I am shocked by this thread. Some of the comments have really upset me.

I live my nephew very much. I go out of my way to accommodate his food intolerance.

i will wait and see what reply I get from the family WhatsApp. The whole school hasn’t gone dairy free - he gets special
meals there and enjoys being special. His own parents haven’t gone dairy free in their house. I am not sure why I am
the unreasonable one here.

A 9 year old is probably only going to eat a bit of meat, veg and potatoes, the nice fancy dishes adults enjoy at christmas are usually lost on children. I wouldn't be adapting an entire meal and all food for 1 child. Christmas is about yummy food, doing things free from usually equals free from taste too, no thanks. I think you've been generous to offer to make him something else, I'd have been tempted to tell them to bring him something he likes from home and warm it up, it's hard enough making Christmas dinner without making a separate meal.

I can't believe the amount of people who can't put themselves in this child's shoes.

Poor little sod, looking at everyone else's food but not allowed to eat anything except his sad little labelled bowls.

He's probably already had to have a shit dairy free advent calendar and selection box.

Making this meal dairy free would be incredibly easy if the adults weren't making such selfish song and dance about it.

His food will look exactly the same as everybody else's.

It's the intolerance that limits his life and what he can eat, unfortunately; nobody else can change that.

At first it sounded like you didn’t want to provide him with any potatoes he could eat which would be a bit unreasonable. But as that’s not the case they are being ridiculous. Lactose intolerance is not an allergy, you’d only need to consider totally dairy free if he had a very severe allergy. Most people with lactose intolerance can tolerate small quantities fine, many are temporarily lactose intolerant and can reintroduce it slowly after a period of avoidance. You don’t all have to spoil your Christmas dinner. I presume if your family are all quite happy for you to host year after year without even helping they’re quite on the entitled side generally?

I would ensure he had non-basted turkey, I would do dairy-free potatoes for all (easily available pre-prepped), I would can the mash because that doesn't belong on Christmas dinner table anyway (LOL).

Family tradition of BF gateau? That would absolutely be on the table, ensuring there were alternative options for him.

And just to add, this is a reality your nephew sadly needs to get used to. My DS has to have separate lunch to everyone else at nursery. The teachers feel for him but what can you do? Should all the children have gluten and lactose free because he has? Bonkers.

I haven’t read the whole thread but just wanted to pop in and say - if it is just lactose that is the issue and not another aspect of dairy (milk protein E.g.) then there are really good lactose free options that are still ‘real’ dairy. Arla do a range and Cathedral City lactose free cheddar is great. Most supermarkets do own brand lactose free milk now. Waitrose even do lactose free halloumi and feta which is excellent.

So it is possible to do lots of things lactose free if not dairy free - this is usually the compromise we make for family events now that I’m lactose intolerant. If something can be down with lactose-free dairy then it is. If it can’t, I’ll have a separate non-dairy option and the others will have the dairy and lactose option.

There are also several naturally lactose free cheeses which are much nicer than any dairy free cheese.

My kid is dairy free too (although not because of “lactose intolerance” - they have CMPA, which is a true allergy) - and I still wouldn’t be crazy enough to demand nobody else eats dairy around them.

We don’t do “special bowls” for her; we simply ensure that there are DF options available, but anyone can eat them once she has her share.

Also, does cooking the dairy impact their intolerance at all? My daughter can actually handle some cooked dairy, which is very common with dairy allergies (not sure about just intolerances though)

I also host Christmas dinner for five children and ten adults. We have vegans, teetotals, gluten free, dairy free and meat eaters. There’s options for everyone, labelled with little flags. Everyone loves the flags and also crowd around the buffet loading up their plates with their allowed food and drinks. I cater to everyone and everyone is included and (mostly ) has a lovely time.
If the intolerances over ruled we would be having a teetotal, gluten free vegan dinner: fuck that!

OK I've read all your posts and I still don't understand WHY they want the whole meal to be DF?

As for the ableist comment, just no. I'm GF and would never inflict that on anyone else!

People who are lactose intolerant can have small amounts of lactose. He would be fine with the turkey because of the low levels of lactose in butter and it only being used to stop the turkey drying out. You can get vegan prepared stuff, but you don't all have to eat it. My GC has a MPA, her sister doesn't eat milk free.
I think that you should accommodate him, but not in a way that makes a lot more work. We often take food, including into school.

"Ableist" 😂😂😂 it's a food intolerance not a disability, its not even an allergy! I have a severe allergy as well as being lactose intolerant and this comment is utterly ridiculous.
Op yanbu, for one thing with lactose intolerance most people wouldn't even have a reaction to small amounts of daily used in cooking, it's not an allergy which would make him very ill. Also you have offered to cater for him and also offered to let them cook, you have been more than reasonable. You are not a bloody slave and they are being ridiculous entitled. I like your flag idea, it makes life .much less stressful for people who have dietary restrictions if we know what is safe. I think you should stand your ground and if they are still not happy you cancel.cooking for them this year.

Yeah I think your idea is perfect. Your brother & sil are cheeky fuckers to expect you to have it all lactose free especially when they don't do that in their own home.
My daughter is lactose intolerant. It would never even occur to me to ask for special food for her. There's lots she can eat so there's always something for her.
Tell them to host themselves or suck it up.

OP, your suggestions sound perfectly reasonable.

Agree with others you could explore lactose-free products instead of going fully dairy-free.

Finally, and forgive me if this is somehow wrong, but for one day a year can’t he take lactase as a treat?