Why didn't they go to the police? (TW)

[CynicalUsee]

I am sick of hearing this being trotted out in relation to victims of sexual assault. The only person the victim is responsible for is themselves and their own recovery, that is it. No one else. They aren't responsible for potential future victims, they aren't responsible for the rapist. If they choose not to report the crime that is 100% ok if they choose to go to the police that is 100% ok.

What anyone chooses to do with their recovery is their choice. For a group of people who have suffered due to having choice removed from them why are people so hellbent on creating more trauma by laying on guilt and removing more choice away from them?

That is absolutely horrific, so sorry this happened you

I think the water is muddied when there is consensual sex intermingled with non consensual sex, sexual coercion, pushing of boundaries and emotional abuse.

If your sexual partner asks you to stop, or indicates they want you to stop, and you ignore this and carry on, it is rape.

It doesn't matter if you are married, have been having sex for months, willingly went over to their house, initiated the sex act - there is no context that changes this from rape to something that is ok.

A well adjusted person does not want to continue having sex with someone if it becomes clear they're no longer enjoying themselves.

Thank you for clearly articulating the truth. When I was young I was beaten and sexually assaulted by a man who I met in a night club, he attacked me when he walked me home after dragging me into an alleyway and trying to make me have sex with him. I did not report it because I had been drinking, I had danced with him at the club and had willingly let him walk me home. Imagine what his defence would have made of that if it had ever reached court. Many years later I was seriously sexually assaulted by a stranger who grabbed me in the street when I was walking home from work, so essentially I was the "blameless victim" (for clarity I believe that all victims are blameless). He was caught and it all went to trial and even in those circumstances I went through hell, this was due to multiple errors by the police, the CPS and the Witness Care service. My support worker from the local Rape Crisis said that they had never seen a case with so many mistakes and that was so badly handled. The night before the court case (he pleaded not guilty despite the attack being witnessed and there being DNA evidence and photographic proof of one of my injuries) I honestly felt that I could not go on and the Police had to do a welfare check on me. He did get a long jail term and that helped me to recover, but if I as someone who was attacked by a total stranger went through all this, I can't bear to think how it is for people who know their attacker, who may have been in a relationship with them, who have been out drinking and socialsing with them? I would never report again, the process was almost as bad as the attack. And don't even get me started on the process of claiming compensation from the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority, that is a whole other level of hell.

Absolutely

The reason they didn’t go to the police ( the first woman talking did get help ) , is people like you . Most women will never see their rapist convicted , they knew from day one the chances of RB being convicted were nil . People will forever doubt them . But the same people would be the ones attacking them if they went to the police , the same people attacking them now

When me and my friend were raped by two guys when we were 15 we never told anyone. We were shell-shocked and didn’t want our parents knowing about it, or anyone else for that matter. I can totally understand why people take decades sometimes to gather the strength to speak out. We blamed ourselves at the time for putting ourselves in that position.

I wonder if the situation now is even worse because women will have the entire contents of their phone and any social media presence poured over by the defence. If you ever flirted or engaged in any sexual correspondence with any man at any time then the man who abused has a better than good chance of being found not guilty.

The system is stacked against us and deliberately so. Let's face it if every man who had ever committed VAWG including rape and abuse served the prison time they deserve then I reckon we would need in the region of 2 prisons per medium sized town.

It's not "trial by media" for god's sake. It's 3-year investigative journalism into a serial abuser of women too powerful to be stopped by any of his victims reporting it.

They didn't "go to the media", investigative journalists came to them, and their stories reinforce one another.

Also, Channel 4 is not a mono-culture. The people hiring Brand in the first decade of the 21st century aren't the same people as the Dispatches investigative team.

There is no "media agenda" beyond exposing his abuses. Just like the investigative team who exposed Harvey Weinstein.

Any survivor of rape or sexual assault who does report her assailant to the police is brave beyond words. I didn't and I wouldn't, for all the reasons PP have given.

So many reasons, all good ones, why women don't report to the police. Luckily I have not been in this position, but I would think twice. The only thing I would say is the woman assaulted by the Wests and was ridiculed for reporting them and backing out, later said if she had stuck with it, they may have been stopped from murdering young women. Very very brave of anyone who reports anything other than a stranger attack on a deserted street.

100% agree OP.

There are so many ways the police and courts let women down.

I'm grateful to any woman who speaks out in whatever way she feels she can.

I meant to add that a journalist knows to say “I believe you.” ALL current justice systems in the Western World involve proving that you weren’t “asking for it.”

The consequences of the actions of a rapist are the fault of the rapist only

I was around 13 when someone tried to rape me. I completely blocked it out, until one day, I was watching one of my granddaughters who was around the same age I had been when I was attacked. She was just mooching around with some of her friends when, suddenly, it all came flooding back. I could see the light filtering in through the shed windows, the shadows on the walls. I could tell you exactly what I was wearing, his name and the colour of his hair; how I froze and didn't even scream or push him away. I can tell you what stopped him. But I'd blocked it all out completely until I recognised me in my young granddaughter and realised it hadn't been my fault. I will never judge any girl or woman who doesn't accuse the perpetrator until many years after the attack. She may have buried it completely until something triggers the memory.

Or like me they convince themselves they haven’t been raped. Or just block it out. I told a counsellor and she said I don’t know. I put myself in those positions I wanted sex. I didn’t want to be raped. Years ago now. Being over powered is horrendous.

My god. I hope this person isn't still working as a counsellor. I'm so very sorry.

Because the first time he raped me I was 13 and he was my father.

I understand why people may not feel they can go to the police because of the trauma they are suffering.
I don’t understand why they then are able to speak to the press. I realise they may feel safety in numbers, and perhaps together they will or have gone to the police.
Things are not that simple.

I was 4 - I didn't have the words - by the time I understood I was filled with shame and couldn't use the words. At 16 I finally spoke out and found support - I went on to work with Rape Crisis for years - but those years of shame and silence where awful.

When I did speak out I triggered my own mother to realise the same man had done it to her (he was a relative) and she then had enormous guilt that she had 'allowed it to happen' to me - it took a long time for her to grasp that is was HIS fault - she had blocked it completely, piecing things together we are fairly sure he also targeted other family members through the years.

But speaking up comes with a cost - women aren't believed, don't get justice, and families aren't always supportive.

I totally understand why women, including the women in last night dispatches, stay silent (at least to the authorities) because very often when they try to report - to bosses, managers etc they are silenced.

In the case of RB these where junior staff - who's jobs where on the line - working for companies that KNEW he was an issue - they KNEW that their bosses KNEW and did NOTHING - what did they think would happen if they said anything - NOTHING - protect the 'talent' and protect the men - women are expendable

Read my post below - it took me YEARS to process what had happened and to speak out

Women try and bury it and move on - it doesn't stay buried. Maybe at 16 you feel powerless but at 30+ you finally feel safe enough to talk

it's not something that comes easily.

I was imagining this morning what might happen if every woman who had ever experienced abuse, assault and/or rape were to turn up to her local police station on International Women's Day, at nine a.m., and report every instance.

There is no 'statute of limitations' in the UK. So every woman is entitled to do so, for every instance throughout her life.

Also it's damn near impossible to actually make contact with the police nowadays, other than by dialling 999 which can't be used unless your life is in active danger.

I was assaulted two years ago, dialled 101, no one answered. Just rang and rang for more than 30 minutes. Never answered.

I filled in two online forms on 101 online, reporting the assault, never heard a word back. Police just totally ignored my assault report.

Other than take a day off work, pick a random police station and just march in and refuse to leave without speaking to someone, the police are not contactable.

As I said, I can see understand the trauma and that’s why people don’t/can’t go to the police. The lack of being heard & being able to get in touch with the police is appalling. If people are going to the press because the police don’t answer the phone or emails, something is seriously wrong.
I am very sorry you have been through that ordeal.

That's an amazing idea!!!

I'm so sorry to read all these accounts. Truth is no way would I report if it was me, I wouldn't have the strength.

Recently there was an attempted rape case heard in my local court. Someone dragged a man off a girl down an alleyway just in time, she was 17 or 18. The defence used her underwear as suggestive of consent, it was a lacy g string type thing. The (female) barrister argued that a girl wouldn't wear that unless she planned having sex with someone. Thankfully the local media picked up on it and the solicitor and barrister were publicly torn to shreds. They will of course argue that they were just doing their jobs. From what I've heard rape defence cases tend to use younger female barristers as its suggestive of 'well if she didn't believe the victim...' not realising that's nothing to do with it. I guess the point I'm making is I think the legal team do have some moral responsibility too, I wholly agree with innocent until proven guilty but certain arguments should not be allowed or be inadmissible.

Just noting - two friends have recently reported abuse and coercive control/dv to the police. Both have been well supported, listened, to, and offered good advice. Both have praised the police response. It may of course vary from area to area, but I'm reassured that at least here, police seem to be on the case and to have women's backs.

The not guilty is terrible.
I was on a jury recently where we could not reach a verdict in a series of sexual assaults, despite nearly all of us knowing he was beyond guilty. It only takes a small minority of jurors who are either assaulters themselves or some sort of pacifist idiots who refuse to convict anyone of anything. I was pretty scarred just being the juror, let alone the victim. Both were ripped apart by an utterly wicked defence barrister. I don't know how those people sleep at night. It's a sick broken system and I know full well I'd never report any kind of sexual assault or rape.