Long before we became a couple, I (23) had plans to move to New Zealand once I became qualified in my sector. Due to the delay in having my qualification recognised in NZ, I won’t be moving until March 2024. By March, my boyfriend (29) and I will be together for ONE year. My brother, sister-in-law, and nieces live in New Zealand. They have a four bedroom house and a bedroom waiting for me to make my own until I secure residency and can start the process of buying my own house (should I like NZ).
I have started making connections on Linkedin and was offered a job for when I arrive. We have interviewed a couple of times on Zoom, I have completed assessments, and I have signed a contract. The starting salary is double my salary here in Belfast, and I will receive an initial relocation and welcome bonus when I commence employment.
In the last couple of months, my boyfriend has decided he also wants to move to NZ. He recently finished his MSc and has an undergraduate degree in IT with music production. He comes from a very wealthy family who provided him with an allowance throughout his undergrad degree, but this allowed him to work hard and achieve a high grade. I encouraged him to also use Linkedin to connect to people within his sector and recruiters.
In the nicest way, one recruiter told him that he was very unlikely to get a skilled job in NZ and would recommended that he stay in Belfast, do an internship, and come back when he has more experience and his degree officially recognised. Another recruiter responded to my boyfriend and told him that while his degrees on paper are good and in demand careers, his overall gaps between employment and lack of experience within the IT sector heavily go against him.
My boyfriend is adament he will be in NZ regardless of their feedback, and will sort employment and qualification recognition while there (knowing mine took months). Now he’s not the type of man who would ever work in construction or mining and will say this himself, but he hates his current retail job so much that he swore he would never work retail again… I’m at a complete loss as to what job he expects to find.
I asked what his plans were as he would have no income initially, minimum savings, and he said that we could live off my salary until he was set up (vice-versa should roles be reversed). Here’s the thing, IF we were together longterm then I would have absolutely no issue with this, but we will only be together a year in March! I reminded him that the invite to stay with my family only extended to me, as they haven’t met my boyfriend (not even on FaceTime) and do have two young children. He suggested that we could instead get an AirBnB until we found a rental, but I expressed before (and again) that I felt it would be too soon to move in together.
I love my boyfriend but I also don’t want to be held back any further towards my big move. AIBU? I really think a year is too song to move in together and share finances. I really don’t want to breakup with my boyfriend but I don’t want to be his keeper even more.